hey everyone, its really helpful for me to just vent and put my thoughts out there. Today b"h is the 26th day of the 90 day challenge this is the second longest period ever since trying to stop. Its been mostly smooth besides shabbos that's the hardest time for me I have too much time. But the fact that I've come this far gives me the feeling that I can do it even if I eventually fall, I'm not dependent on it anymore I used to think of the story of dovid hamelech when he was in the bath house and felt orum in mitzvos but he remembered he had a bris and that mitzva will be with him forever,   when I was in the mikva I would think that this aveira will be with me forever, but now I'm seeing with hard work and the help from people on this website I can do it. Thanks everyone for the help.    

Hey benny57 I also feel that shabbos is the hardest day since the seder is not the same. I started making chavrusas in shul to keep me busy in the afternoon I also stopped taking a nap after the meal since that was a trigger. It would help if you look at it not as just time to hang around bored but try find stuff to do learn or shmooze, the problem for me came when I was alone for to long if you have a schedule to do you'd be occupied hatzlocha raboh!!!

How u been buddy?

Boruch hashem I've been doing great so far thanks for asking I am holding at the 42 day mark the most I have ever managed to hold on since age 15 never thought id be at this point so grateful to the people on gye. besides the last weekend were I was in new York so there was some triggers (airports, streets etc.) I've been in yeshiva so there was not to many distractions so its been good hoping to make it to 90 days clean a side note I would very much encourage anyone who is finding it hard to quite p&m to get a mentor who you are accountable to I found it to be a game changer I text him every night saying today was good so its not just me in it any more if I start to think about falling there is someone else involved who I cant let down       

Update? 

to be honest the last week has not been going good for me I was on a great streak of 58 days, then I got a new job at yeshiva witch I needed a computer the office I got for some reason the filter was not properly on and it allowed youtube and for a few days I watched some videos with out any problem then Wednesday I was getting edgy and watched some dodgy stuff then that night in bed I was mz"l, and then the next few days were worse. so its been a hard few days I was sure I would make it to 90 days it came crashing down so I just started again holding by two days now b"h now the computer is properly filtered. it was especially hard because I was relying on this hatzlocha I was having with this issue I tried to apply the same method to learning like (if I can do this nissoyon then I can sit down and learn) cause I have a bit of ADHD or something. so its like putting all your eggs in one basket hopefully i can try again do a bit better. 

Sorry to hear man. It’s so so rough to fall after such a streak. It very hard to get back up.
I wish you much Hatzlocha, and keep us posted.

Its important to not make your success in one area contingent on another.
Meaning, struggling in Shmiras Eynayim doesn’t mean u can’t learn well etc.

Glad you got the filter worked out.

Hatzlocha!

YeshivaGuy

Thanks I 100% agree it shouldnt cause a chalishus in other areas, but by me they are two separate struggles. Iv'e had them both for a long time so when I was working hard on this struggle that gave me hope that maybe with hard work I can also help this problem of not having zits fleish. when i fell that really hit me hard cause i sought of gave up. hopefully now that im back on the journey things will be better. I heard of a smal hack that might help by putting a rubber band around your arm and every time a machshova comes in to your head you pull and let go (of course not to hard) this apparently sends a message to the brain not think these thoughts, ill let you know if it works.

Interesting, ya pls let us know how that goes.
Hatzlocha Rabba!

YeshivaGuy

I often struggle in bed as well. Have a clean book to read at night before you doze off. Have a set sleep routine so you go to bed at a certain time and wake up fir shacharit at a certain time. Routine helps. You never wanna be in a situation where your lying around in bed w nothing to do.

I often feel desire when sitting down to learn. Probably the יצר הרע trying to stop you from learning. If ur learning by yourself id have a plan B set up so your not caught off guard  maybe a back up- sefer or someone to call.

Taharat Yisrael wrote on 09 Jul 2021 16:06:

I once tried to read before going to bed, but my roomate does not like my lamp on gonna try maybe leave the room. im b"h 8 days in going strong i do still sometimes think had i not fell i would have been around 70 days but im just happy im back on. I heard a nice peshat we say every morning "v'hoisher vehakovoid milfonecho" the poshete peshat is all the wealth and honour comes from you but the mezricher maggid says "v'hoisher vehakovoid milfonecho" whats the biggest oisher and whats the biggest kovod, milfonecho to be able to serve before you.when i think that im going in the right direction that itself gives me strenght to continue. going through the flight 2 freedom course were it speaks about the power of gratitude was very compelling really makes you stop and thank hashem for what you do have.  

Lately I have been keeping the Gemara open on my night table. Not sure this is mutar (?קשה לשכחה), but it keeps me in the proper frame of mind..

Thats a great Peshat! What the "flight to freedom" course if you don't mind me asking?

Sounds like a great היקר but I don't know if you'll b able to learn when burning w desire. I'd try having something a bit lighter and more enjoyable at hand.