Gut moed went to my parents for yom tuv kept busy still clean bh. Its pretty crazy how all the women congregate outside of shul after davening it cud get tough. But i  was pretty good at watching my eyes bh. Its just hard when everyone is dressed up and my wife comes rolling in like a shlump.(i know its not nice) thanks for hearing me out

all right we had the party (how come all the food in lakewood tastes the same?) no mechitza (what the heck?) but bh i stayed clean faced the other way and kept my eyes to myself. i just wanted to post what helped me in my situation. basically i thought to myself how looking at others gets me nowhere it just reconfirms the fact that my wife is not as pretty as others which gets me unsatisfied and unhappy, so why look ? true not looking doesnt make my wife prettier but guess what bud looking doesnt either! all it does is flood my mind with feelings of unhappiness. i definitely have a lot to work on appreciating her and building a deep emotional connection but untill i get there looking ain't gonna help me at all. that's what i feel let me know what u think thanks.