Hows it goin bro?

BH feel great being at 22 days - most ive been at for at least a few years now and gonna keep moving forward BezH. Been having difficulty recently with my thoughts while in bed but doing my best to control myself.

There are girls that I "like" and think about but I know that I have no real desire for them - I would never want to build a home with them or live with them for the rest of my life, but rather my body likes them and finds them attractive. 

When I find myself thinking about them I do my best to remind myself of this - its definitely a struggle but working hard over here.

EvedHashem

EvedHashem1836 wrote on 23 Feb 2021 17:43:

Wow big accomplishment! Keep it up!
That's a great method to help subside the desire.

Wow congrats on the success! I agree it is hardest for me to stay clean while in bed. Gonna have to try out your thought process. Wishing you the utmost hatzlocha in overcoming these struggles!

Youre not doing too shabby yourself Mr. 13 days!

Recently Ive been doing fine during the day, but at night when I get into bed it's really hard for me to discipline myself and stay focused and keep my thoughts from straying to inappropriate things. The good news is that I am not looking at anything I shouldn't be seeing, but the bad news is that what I have previously seen is still embedded in my mind and at night when I'm tired after the day's fight it catches up to me, and over the last week or so I've been acting out in my sleep WAY more than usual (maybe once every other night or so) and I'm pretty sure it has to do with the increase in inappropriate thoughts while in bed. 

Also, I haven't been as active on GYE as I used to be so definitely going to try to get back on that too as that was super helpful.

My goal before I even started GYE was just to go for a month without acting out and I would think to myself "this november I will be clean" which turned into "this december" which turned into "this january" but now with the help of GYE i'm closing in on 30 days clean!

BezH more to come and keep on fighting,

EvedHashem

Also just read through this thread from the beginning - incredible how much I've grown from a month ago and how my outlook has changed.

Wanted to again thank everyone here at GYE for helping me out by being here to talk to - so amazing I can't put it into words.

Wishing much hatzlocha to everyone,

EvedHashem

Great job!

​I find reading a good productive book (I have been reading Lifelines 2. There are actually a bunch of stories there related to the 12 steps) helps me relax and get ready for bed. Especially when I'm used to being on a device right before going to bed; even just browsing news etc.

With the help of Hashem and a solid amount of work by myself as well I am zocheh to have reached 30 days! For years and years I dreamed of being able to be free for at least a month and haven't achieved it outside of being in yeshiva (but the real test comes at home when no one is there and the environment is not as strong necessarily) but now its finally here!!

Obviously the goal is to get to 90 and were not there quite yet but I just want to share with the chevra how amazing it is to hit even 30, which is definitely super achievable and not as crazy as 90 to some people. If youre clean for one week then your already a quarter of the way there. Do that 4 times and boom, you hit 30.

30 gives you that taste of freedom that makes you want to keep pushing forward, no matter how hard it may be, because you have seen throughout the last month how RADICALLY DIFFERENT life has been without giving in to desire. As it says in my signature, every time you say no to desire, you don't just keep your streak up, but it feels STINKING GOOD! The feeling of elation is incredible, and for that reason alone it is worth it to fight in my opinion (although obviously that is far from the only reason and definitely not the most important). 

I just gotta watch out for myself and make sure I don't get too cocky. Already recently I have been more active on youtube (starts as watching purim shpiels but sometimes escalates into movie clips) but BH haven't seen anything I regret yet. Regardless, I definitely need to refrain from going there in the first place.

I still don't have a filter or use the Taphsic method, which both seem like good ideas, and I'm thinking of maybe getting a filter but I'm leaving for Eretz yisrael in Elul and I'm not sure if the filter will still work there from America so if anyone has any good filters that will work in both places please let me know! 

Wishing everyone much hatzlocha in their journeys towards freedom,

EvedHashem

A tremendous mazel tov on making it a month!

Curious to know in what practical ways has your life transformed so significantly? Like have you noticed increased productivity, strength, yiras shamayim, etc.?

I also relate to the YouTube rabbit hole dilemma. I would strongly recommend a filter. For me Netspark has worked well on my phone bc you can block certain apps and sites (e.g. YouTube) and then trade the account password  so you can’t unblock them yourself. It gets expensive though! I also started today with a screenshot accountability filter on my Mac called Truple which BH seems to be working fine. You can get a pretty cheap monthly subscription until Elul if you’re worried about what’s gonna be in EY. (Pls pm me for discount codes for truple if you wanna try it out). As far as once you get to EY, maybe spring for a dumb phone. Many ppl have them in yeshivos anyways. 

Kol Hakavod on your success and keep the posts coming- gives me gevaldik encouragement over here!

EvedHashem1836 wrote on 03 Mar 2021 02:32:

As far as I know, the "classic" filters work in both, but may just need to be switched to the American server when you move back. Being that you are in Eretz Yisroel, you can book an appointment with TAG at tagisrael.org (tagisrael.org/appointment for the appointments) to discuss further.

Mazel tov on 30. The subconscious "acting out" while sleeping, and fantasies that come as you are drifting off to sleep are expected and should be ignored. Iyh they will diminish as you move further away from stimulating these thoughts consciously. Keep it up tzaddik. Celebrate.

EvedHashem1836 wrote on 03 Mar 2021 02:32:

Mazal tov Reb EvedHashem!

Regarding filters in Israel Gentech, Techloq, Netspark and most if not all other filters work in Israel for phones and computers.

When you come to Israel you can call the filter company to have them optimize your filter to connect better in Israel.

Not all filters will need to do that and they should all work even if you dont call.

In general yes to all of the above - the joy of knowing that I am fighting and succeeding is huge and helps in all of these aspects. Also not feeling like an idiot saying slach lanu every day for the same thing and then acting out feeling nasty and doing that over and over again

Thanks guys for the filters advice! Super helpful