EvedHashem1836 wrote on 11 Feb 2021 01:05:

Very impressive. I know how hard that is...
To point out, a lot of this kinda stuf are really guys pretending to be girls to blackmail you, get money etc.
I have experienced it many times first hand, especially on certain chatting apps.
So definitely be careful and never share info etc.

But either way, it’s a big big nisayon and you should be very proud of yourself

Thanks all for the encouragement!

Incredible man! Just know it gives me (and others) a lot of chizuk to hear victories such as this.
May you have the same gevurah to overcome the rest of your nisyonos!

11 days!! Going strong!

Quick vort: The frierdiker rebbe was in jail, arrested for the "crime" of spreading Torah in communist russia. The chassidim with him in jail start to lose hope a little and fall slightly in their yiddishkeit. 
The Rebbe says: you guys are mamish presented with an opportunity rn to struggle and you should be grateful and seize this opportunity because they don't come around so often! The fact that you have a nisayon is a way to bring you closer to Hashem from your striving to succeed.

As I've said in some previous posts, I think its super important to have a positive outlook on these sort of things - will also hopefully give people strength to have this mindset when urges kick in.

Maaseh shehaya I was with a bunch of friends and it was decided to put a movie on with extremely inappropriate things in it. There was literally porn in the movie. So I guess it would be like looking at porn.

This was not my decision and it was pretty triggering. If I fell it wouldn't really be my fault - this wasn't my choice and I did my best to look away for most of the movie (couldn't drown the audio though)

To clarify - this was not a pornographic movie it was a "comedy"



All of that being said, the old me easily would have succumbed to mz"l but im fighting and think im going to win this one.

Still moving forward, 

EvedHashem

EvedHashem1836 wrote on 14 Feb 2021 14:26:

I am very impressed! That takes alot of strength on your part. Maybe try to find some different friends to hang out with so you could avoid this challenge?
Keep it up! 

Man I know how hard that can be especially with peer pressure. Sometimes too, my y"h will persuade me to watch bc its a "movie", not "porn" so it's kosher. Idk the setting you were in specifically, but if c"v you are put in that situation again and u have your phone, pull it out and go to the GYE site or a chizuk video. Maybe bring earbuds and play the video to drown at the movie noise. Again, don't know how realistic this is  to do. If these friends are frum, you might be able to reason with them and watch something else instead. If they're not frum, I'm not saying you should quit hanging out w them, but avoid watching movies with them. (Say you have to go if they put on a movie. If its nighttime, say you're too tired to watch and go to bed, etc.)

Just my two cents. Kol hakavod on your overcoming the nisayon! And b'hatzlocha with your ongoing fight!

Impressive gevura on your part.

Going forward: In public the guys will probably make fun of you for voicing discontent with the choice of movie. However i wonder if you can approach each guy individually and ask politely and caringly "Would you like some help to stop watching that shmutz?"

Thanks to all for great suggestions

14 days!!!

Huge shkoyach to the chevra at GYE for making this happen!

EvedHashem1836 wrote on 15 Feb 2021 01:58:

Huge shkoyach to you for making this happen!

שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 15 Feb 2021 02:00:

I would like to second what שבע יפול צדיק וקם said... 

Self-esteem is one of those things in life we know is important but we still take for granted. In fact, all of life is really a battle to build self-esteem and to maintain it, because without it, a person becomes psychologically limited. It means that he won’t expect much from himself, at least spiritually, and he will not grow much...

of course it's all from Hashem  but this is the will of Hashem,  that we should recognize our self worth and keep on growing...

Hi, I wrote a whole long shpiel but it disappeared. I guess it wasn't meant to be. Bottom line is stay positive, one day at a time, stick around people with long term success and live in the moment!

Update: 

Feeling fine but been having a bunch of wet dreams recently - i know i can't control it but its pretty annoying. Anything to do about it (not lusting so much if at all during the day) or is this something that naturally diminishes?

EvedHashem1836 wrote on 18 Feb 2021 14:10:


Here are some tips:
1. limit drinking or overeating too close to bedtime קיצור שו”ע, סי’ קנא סעי’ ד.
2. sleep on your side. קיצור שו”ע, סי’ קנא סעי’ ב.
3. say kriyas Shema with kavannah.
4. learn Torah before going to sleep.
של”ה הק’, מס’ חולין, פרק דרך חיים תוכחת מוסר, אות קסו, שכ’ וז”ל-- תורה היא שמירה גדולה שלא יטמא האדם בקרי בלילה, ואם ילמד אדם תורה קודם שכיבה, התורה משמרתו שלא יבוא לידי כך; עכ”ל.
5. Go to sleep on time-- Many of the problems come when people are hanging around at night, feeling bored. After a whole day, they have no strength to put up a fight, and with nothing to do, there’s a vacuum that ends up being filled. Therefore, just setting an early bedtime could be very useful.
6. be careful about your thoughts during the day.
7. don’t worry that an occurrence might happen-- If a person worries about such problems right before he goes to sleep, then they’re much more likely to happen. The reason is because thinking about not doing it brings the topic to the forefront of one’s mind and causes it to resurface in a dream, leading one to become tamei at night.  אגרות ומכתבים מר’ ישראל סלנטר זצ”ל, אגרת כה,