Hi, I am TG and I am a P-Aholic and relapser. Since I was a teen I felt an insatiable need to look/watch P ending in Z. Over the years, once I met my wife I got better, usually no Z, with some clean periods, but inevitably still falling after a certain time needing to see the pictures (usually not videos or Z as result). I stumble and fall a lot, sometimes 30 days clean, one time much longer, usually weeks at most. I once told my wife I used to in the past (until college) but it's still with me and I once tried to broach the idea of a struggle with shemiras einayim...to which she nearly left me. Hence, the struggle is my own and can't be given to her. I love my wife with all of my as well as my children and this site I hope can help me. I try to be a great husband and father, and there's no chisaron between me and my wife, I feel very taken care of in all aspects by her and think she's the most beautiful woman. This happens to be a beast inside me, that needs to be satiated, needs to see the things when it wants and makes me fall for a while each time. I hope im not a rash gamer and can still be seen as a good guy who has a very bad evil inside. Feel free to chat, as my wife often uses my phone so I can't do emails/whatsapps/texts/calls. Thanks for listening!

Welcome to GYE!  Have you browse around at all the great resources that GYE has to offer?  Such as the GYE handbook and all the incredible threads in the forum? 

Welcome! You are definitely in the right place.

Browse through old and recent topics in the forums and read the articles for a few days. Your eyes will be opened. You will learn what must be done. 

Warmest welcomes. May you find your time here worthwhile and productive.

Hi TG I totally understand that you cant talk about this with your wife, I face the same issue. Its hard to fight alone, but deep down I know that I am doing it for both of us. In the summer time it was hard, but BH it is now getting cooler, so it is a bit easier. In the supermarket at every checkout counter there is a plethora of magazines to choose from. I try to keep focused in that area of the store.
Keep fighting. Its not easy. you could do it. We are all helping each other. Come often to this site. Count each day. Each day will bring its own blessing.

Shabbat Shalom 
Hatzlacha
Ktiva Vchatima TOva

Welcome. You came to the right place. I wish to respond to something you wrote. Please forgive me for my forward style.

I believe that you believe that you love your wife and that the pornography is not interfering with your relationship with her. However, iyh when you break free and look back, you probably will see that things were a bit different than you thought. It is super important that you clear your head from these selfish images and focus truly on intimacy with your wife. Stay connected here. Use all the resources and connect to healthy people here. Hatzlocha buddy.