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The false allure of Infidelity
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TOPIC: The false allure of Infidelity 101 Views

The false allure of Infidelity 16 Aug 2020 03:41 #353786

  • YeshivaGuy
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Hey guys,

I feel that I’ve been numbed, through watching bad vids, to the concept of infidelity.
I crave videos which have it, it’s thrilling etc.

Im very disturbed by this. Because even if I can stop watching vids, the allure  of infidelity remains.
I’m only 21 and not dating yet, but I really want to try changing this mindset before marriage.

Can anyone relate? And someone have an eitza?

Thanks tons

Re: The false allure of Infidelity 16 Aug 2020 05:07 #353798

  • wilnevergiveup
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Hey there, 
this is actually a stage I went through, some time ago and here are some things that come to mind.

First off, Rabbi Akiva Tatz has a few series that are worth listening to. It is very important to know that no matter what you hear or what anyone tells you, the only person that will be able to help you is you. You can hear a new perspective, get inspired, but only you can actually change your mindset.

I found understanding the deeper side of relationships to be very helpful in this area and this Rabbi Tatz explains beautifully.

His website is https://akivatatz.com/ but it's not loading right now on my computer.

You can can get most of his shiurim here https://www.simpletoremember.com/authors/a/rabbi-akiva-tatz/ Listen to the ones on marriage, and life relationships. He has many others that will surely give a new perspective on life so if you have time and are interested, check them out too.

My eitzah is to try to really understand who you are, as a person, as one of the children of G-d בנים אתם לה' אלוקיכם from last weeks parshah, and who you want to become. Learn about and understand what the role of sexual pleasure is in G-d's master plan of the world (he created it after all, and it's not just to torture us...) and how this translates into healthy relationships. 

I imagine that your struggle is mainly with fantasizing (don't actually plan on living life like that just like to imagine what life would be like if you did). The nature of a man is to never be satisfied and always look for more, bigger and better things. The risk here is that when you do Iy"h get married you will most likely find yourself looking for more and more. Every woman you see will be an "option", your wife's pretty or charming friend, your sister-in-law, co-worker, etc. definitely not healthy for marriage. You don't want to find yourself ending your relationship before it even started because you are fantasizing about a better or different girl. Not a great start to your marriage in my humble opinion.

Secular studies have shown that the key to happiness in this world is healthy relationships i.e. devotion, commitment, sacrifice and so on. This is actually very much in line with Torah thinking except that in the Torah we strive for the ultimate relationship i.e. devotion to G-d. The Ba'al Shem Tov is quoted saying that Hashem created marriage as a moshul for us to understand how to relate to him.
This leads, I think, to the fact that healthy relationships, especially marriage is something that will be very difficult to find happiness without (unless you are on the level of Moshe Rabeinu in your relationship with Hashem).

Just some food for thought, take it or leave it.

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup
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Last Edit: 16 Aug 2020 17:38 by wilnevergiveup.

Re: The false allure of Infidelity 16 Aug 2020 11:25 #353809

  • the.guard
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I put together a 3 part article on the site to address your question:

https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/questions-and-answers/item/infidelity
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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