Hi, I am 2o years old, i have been struggling for years since i was 14. For years i kept only to masturbating. but slowly i started falling deeper and now i am struggling with porn. i keep saying im going to stop and i feel good and confident i will stop until the next urge comes and then i totally lose myself . when the urge comes over i cant get myself to think about how bad i will feel after nothing works. All i could think about is that i want that pleasure now! i cant keep going on like this i feel so bad i dont even know where to start i am feeling very hopeless right now.

i just want to add  i have been on GYE for several years but would just log in sometimes i barely ever posted anything. But now i need to get more serious i havta stop cuz if not now then when?

yct wrote on 12 Aug 2020 05:00:

Been in your shoes 3 months ago. From what your describing, I think you’ll be able to let go of porn very quickly due to you’re using it as an avenue to get fantasies for masturbation. I could be completely wrong, this is just my take. Regarding urges I don’t feel that I’m in the right place to say anything because I’m dealing with my own at the moment. As for you wanting pleasure right now, that’s normal and human, we all want to be satisfied. Suggestion: abstain for a week to start and see what happens.

All my opinion  Feel free to use it as you see fit.

Looking forward to hearing from you!! 

Welcome

Do you have a plan? 
Have you written down on a paper the  reason why you want to stop?
If you make a conscious decision that falling is not worthwhile you can remind yourself of this decision when your mind is clouded over by desire. 

The best way to understand my post is to read the e-book 'the battle of the generation' 

Another important reference to help you fight is the shmuz series 'the fight' 

I find that it's very important to post, both about you progress and just in general

Hatzlacha 

yct wrote on 12 Aug 2020 05:00:

Welcome to the GYE family!  Know that you are not alone.  Remember that all beginnings are hard.  You will have falls, get back up and fall again.  But never give up and keep moving forward.  Eventually, you will see progress.  In the beginning, really utilize the forum to gain the needed chizuk.  Also, as Starting noted,  I strongly recommend listening to "The Fight" series from Rabbi Shafier on how to have the proper perspectives in these areas.  It's a must listen.  Literally changed my life and gave me hope.

Here are links to the 2 resources that have been suggested. Wishing you much success! Please keep posting and sharing your ups and downs with us.

The Battle of the Generation: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation.

The Fight: https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

yct wrote on 12 Aug 2020 05:00:

I also started when I was 14. I think it's beautiful that after many years you are continuing to try. Keep it up.


Next time, wait an extra 90 seconds. And never go back. You probably wouldn't continue if your mom or the mailman was going to walk in, so it's definitely doable. Unfortunately, there's no quick fix here; you are in it for the long haul. Get ready. As it (roughly) says in Shir HaShirim Rabbah, "Open for me a teshuvah the size of the eye of a needle, and I will open gates for you which wagons can pass through."

I agree that the resources previously mentioned are fantastic.

What sort of plan do I make? I don’t even know where to start. I could make a conscious decision that falling is not worthwhile and for the entire day I could think like that until something turns me on and the urge is so strong i can’t think of how falling is not worthwhile all I could think of is that I want to pleasure myself now.

yct wrote on 13 Aug 2020 00:57:

Please see the attached PLAN file...

i believe another reason why i struggle so much is because is because i have anxiety, and low self esteem which could put me in a bad mood and that bad mood leaves me much more vulnerable to use it to get "high".

Ironically, fighting this battle can raise your self-esteem a ton. But of course, only if you have the right attitude toward the fight, which is hard to acquire.

But anyway, everything ends up connecting. So start trucking and start trying things that will help you slowly change your attitude. And then slowly things will improve (usually more like a sunrise than like a light switch). (If you want some resources to help change your attitude, the 2 in my signature are great. If you want to start by building your self-esteem, start with Appendix A of the top one.)

yct wrote on 13 Aug 2020 00:57:

Welcome. I don't want to come across as harsh, but I just want to present facts the way I see them. 

From what you wrote it seems like you don't (want to) exercise any self control whatsoever. You understand its wrong and you'd like to not do it, but without having to fight. Without having to battle when an urge suddenly appears. As you wrote "all I could think of is that I want to pleasure myself now." Ok, so you want to pleasure yourself. So what. That doesn't mean you can or should. Its always going to be that way but you're going to have to learn how to fight back- against what you "want" to do.

This site and forum can help with encouragement, chizuk, tips etc. but it can't miraculously create a cure. It can't remove the urge and desire, but it can help you fight it, but only after you decide to fight it yourself. You must learn how to say no to a desire even if that's the only thing you want now. Even someone who knows its wrong and knows why he doesn't want to, even someone who knows he will suffer way more if he gives in still will only succeed through willpower and discipline. Knowing all the facts can help him fight but will not remove the urge. 

                              Grant

@yct: I apologize if I insulted you. I didn't mean to scare you off. I just wanted to make a point and maybe I got self righteously carried away. My point just was something that many choshuve GYE family members made time and time again, that at the end of the day the only thing that can stop you is yourself. No amount of encouragement can create a will, and not even the best of intentions will produce results. At the end of the day the way to succeed is to control yourself even in the face of desire. To fight the urge, because its impossible to remove it completely. 

         Hope we can still be brothers,

                                        Grant

@Grant Dont worry no need to apologize your 100% right. Sorry for not responding for so long. I’m going to havta control myself starting now it’s gonna be rough but I will escape from this!!

Your right I don’t wanna exercise any self control. I have poor self control in other areas also but I will just do it. I am going to control my self