there is nothing wrong with feeling disappointed (hopefully not for too long.) but in my opinion as stated above there is no reason to feel shame even for a second. There simply is no shame in doing the right thing. Ask yourself, is this the best path right now for my emotional and spiritual health? if the answer is yes, then embrace the fact that you are doing ratzon hashem and that hashem will provide you with the perfect shidduch for you.

There was a podcast on coach menachem with rabbi binyomin weinreb a few months ago where he discussed transitioning out of yeshiva, you might find it helpful.

edit: i just listened to the beginning and R' Weinreb's opening remarks should be very helpful.  he also recommends R Aaron Lopiansky's book "ben torah for life"

(you might also want to rethink how you judge others that don't stay in yeshiva)

Hey Yeshiva guy.

I have had a similar experience, I left Yeshiva at 20 (and my home) and went to work (Mostly because I had left my parents and needed to support myself). 

A good way to look at it is that you know you did the right thing because you were directed by people you trust. Also, the alternative (i.e staying in Yeshiva) is a whole lot more shameful.

In regards to shidduchim, I agree with you, I'm 28 now and still looking for someone. The best thing you can do is be very open-minded when it comes to the girl's background. Don't shy away from divorcees (even if the have children), or even girls from a different background than you

You should however not give an inch on the girl herself, she should be a strong, healthy, and Ehrlich girl. No compromise there.

You can compromise on her background.

You may want to sign up on Jwed and SawYouAtSinai, I almost got married a couple of times through those sites, there are some solid girls there although you still need to be careful.

Mush Hatzlacha

Thank you for mentioning.
Where can we find this podcast?

We must remember that Judaism, wpirituity and a Torah life are not one-size-fits-all.
Everybody had their path in life. We are accustomed to believe that those who left Kollel after a year could have done better, those who started working when they got married half-bums and the bochurim who started working complete bums. Nothing could be further from the truth.
If we remember a bit of history, The legendary קצות was a school Rebbi, the לבוש would sell fabric, the Ohr Hachaim was a well-known tailor and Rav Yitzchak Kaduri, the famous Mekubal used to sell spices. That did not stop them from learning, growing and even marrying women who I am sure were ehrliche ladies.

Even Yaakov Avinu, the representative of Torah in Middas haTiferes, had to work for fourteen years in order to get married (not to the best ben-torah family by the way...).

You can always PM me if you have any questions.

 Also staying in learning to find a shidduch (or going to a specific yeshiva for that matter) is just crazy IMO. Feels similar to coffee room kollel guys lo aleinu.

future paltiel wrote on 30 Aug 2022 14:53:

podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/rabbi-binyomin-weinreb-the-3-keys-to-stay-connected/id1515410160?i=1000560116194

I want to join the chorus of voices commending you for making a mature decision with proper guidance. 

I also want to commiserate with your feelings of shame. This past Sunday was the first time in my life that I didn't go to seder on Rosh Chodesh Elul. I just let myself be sad about it, while also knowing that I am better off doing what I'm doing now than if I was still trying to force myself to be learning full-time.

As a married man I can tell you that the only thing worse than being a burnt out bochur is being a burnt out yungerman.

Birshusi wrote on 30 Aug 2022 17:40:

Thank you so much, not sure we’ve met before.
Hatzlocha and be in touch.

Vehkam wrote on 30 Aug 2022 03:26:

Yes absolutely!
This year and all I’ve experienced has really opened my eyes and made me way less judgemental. Of others at least

My first post here was August 4, 2020
That’s about 757 days ago.
It says I have 701 cumulative clean days.
Thats pretty solid.

Went to a wedding tonight of a friend.
Was shocked that it was mixed seating etc, as were some friends of mine.
Wasn’t the best with shmiras eynayim tbh, but I did refrain from speaking unnecessarily to my friends wife at the table.
I’m proud of that.

I’m hoping this year to be more consistent in these inyanim. Being busy will b’ezras Hashem help.

I hope being Shoel Umeishiv will respark my passion for learning, that I’ll once again daven 3 times a day with a minyan (haven’t done that in almost a year…)
And hopefully be matzliach in the teaching positions as well.

Additionally I’d like to keep making strides in therapy/my “emotional world.”
And I’d like to still lose abit more weight (lost 50 pounds this year bh).

And then it wouldn’t be so shver to consider dating…

Have a gn,

YeshivaGuy

Hey YG, 
Sounds like you are ding great. Tell yourself (in words) the pride you feel of your mind set. Feel the good. Remember these good feelings, you will want to bring back these feelings if CV you are slipping. Focus on the happiness you will have by resisting the urges and pitfalls. 
BTW i recall when i was  a shoel umeishiv, somehow i was more popular and involved with the bochrim when I was clean and successful. I couldn't understand how but somehow the Bochrim felt when I was tripping, they  just didn't  have the trust, respect or interest in me. To be there for the bochrim you need to be there for yourself. Hatzlacha. Hashem Yaazor.  

YeshivaGuy wrote on 31 Aug 2022 06:13:

That's pretty solid????  I have to disagree with that.

Fell.

YeshivaGuy wrote on 01 Sep 2022 04:56:

Sorry to hear.

Very brave of you to share.

Falling is part of a process of growth, it's the painful part of the process.

Try to keep a positive attitude and you'll be fine.

YG, Brave of you to share. Stay in the game and focus on your batting average. 700 out of 758 is incredible. I wish I had that.