Hello everyone, I am returning to this site after not working on guarding my eyes for a long time. I joined in January, and I made it to 90 days. I didn't post on the forum at all because I was quite motivated to get to 90 days anyway. But immediately after that I fell. I thought, now I've got it under control, and I don't remember what is was like before, so it's safe to give it a try again. Plus the novelty of climbing up the 90 day chart had worn off. For the last 3 months, I didn't bother to guard my eyes. But now I am back! This time I'm posting to get some extra motivation.

Welcome back! I don't want to come across as harsh but from your post it seems like you don't really have the right reasons and motivation to stay clean. It's not a "90" thing or a get control back and dip into the pool of lust periodically situation. You must search deep inside yourself and discover your real truth. You must uncover the real reasons why you want to stop, why you rather be clean and what it means to your life. Because "90" or "posting on a forum" won't do it, only YOU can, it can assist but it wont be the driving force. Weigh the pros and cons the advantages and disadvantages and make an intelligent decision. Then and then only, will it have enough thrust to sail past "90" to create a long term change and keep you far away from the filth even for a "taste" or two. You can post this list in the forum and review from time to time...or more often. Wishing you much hatzlacha and can't wait to see your progress. 

                              Grant

Obviously if you made it to 90, you can do it again b'ezras Hashem. This time around, maybe keep posting and reading other posts.

Last time I joined, I wasn't really sure I wanted to be clean for good. After a fall I felt bad, but later on I would think, "is this really so bad?" My goal was to try being clean for 90 days, not to really stop. It was like a trial period. When I first started I made a pros/cons chart based on a recommendation from this site, but after that I didn't look back to read it or remember it enough. Even at times when I realized it was harmful for me, I still had doubts as to whether it was really forbidden. I often turned to the broader culture for guidance, where people say "it's normal," "it's healthy."

This time I want to really stop! But it's hard to express why. My real reason isn't so logical, it's more liking seeing a beautiful painting compared to an ugly painting. Now that I've seen what it's like to be clean compared to habitually giving in, that distinction is clearer to me.

This is true most of the time, but not always. Sometimes, an urge will come along and it is much harder to hold on to my reasons for stopping. Then the Yetzer Hara says, "It's just this once, it's just a little bit. As long as you're clean most of the time, it will still be like a beautiful painting. Once doesn't matter." Baruch Hashem I haven't given in yet, but in the long run how do I make the jump from a drive to stay clean most of the time to staying clean all the time?

Hi,

Firstly, a big shkoiach on your idea to return to this site. Its an invaluable tool in the fight you are going through.

Your first paragraph sounds a little to me like a case of 'there are answers to questions. There are no answers to answers.' It sounds like you wanted to the avaira, so you make it seem not so bad. If I kinda, maybe, efshar, possibly, want to perhaps break free, it ain't gonna happen. But it seems you have more motivation now. Seems you've come back stronger. However It may be worth trying to pinpoint exactly why you want to stop.Write down 3 reasons. And read them every morning. Maybe it will help.

As for the painting idea, try this (or don't...) Take a painting. And scratch one bit of the blue sky off. Or take a jigsaw, and remove one piece in the 1000's of pieces of sand. What do you notice? Not just the picture is nice, but incomplete. The incompleteness is the most noticeable feature of the painting. Crazy right! Same here. There is no beautiful painting which had big stains. A fall is a fall. A blaank in the painting. With time and effort, that hole can be filled in. But better not to make it in the first place. Try imagining that the next time the yetzer does his thing. This doesn't mean give up if you fall chas veshalom. Just to put in perspective that falling each time just isn't worth it.

Much Hatzlocha. All the best.

fr33et wrote on 30 Aug 2020 03:28:

I don’t know what to say but I like the fact that you’re pushing to be better and I wish you a lot of Hatzlacha.

Keep is posted!!!