hello everyone!
since age 16-17 i have been struggling with masturbation i tried stopping so many times but- i fall, and now i am here and ready to try again!
i would really appreciate some chizuk, or just a reply that i saw your post.... it would really help me not to feel alone in this challenge.
mendy200

mendy200 wrote on 28 Jun 2020 13:15:

No, you're not alone as you can see on this forum. 
You're not alone in the fact that you're struggling and you're not alone in the fact that you'll be able to STOP and keep strong with the help of Hashem and the good people on GYE!

Welcome! We are all in this together. 

Keep us posted on your progress.

Hatzlachah

This is such a tough battle but remember that that itself makes each effort so incredibly great!

For a great book that will help you acquire this attitude, check out the Battle of the Generation (guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation)

HI Mendy200 -
First of all you not stuck, you are in the process of healing...

There is a saying "the first step for change, is awareness" 

hello everyone!
i am a little stuck with a thought that comes to me right before falling, and that is all the chizuk that i know from after the fall like:g-d loves my even if i fell.or that he knew that i am going to fall and that what he wanted.
and i feel that its making me easier to fall does anyone has a good advice for me??? 
thanks tonz!!!

mendy200 wrote on 29 Jun 2020 02:11:

Yes, Hashem loves you even if you fall. Just like a parent still loves their child even when they don't listen or misbehave. However, the child who recognizes how much their parent loves them and that the parent is looking out for the best interest of the child, will listen to what the parent tells them to do. 

As to the point of him "wanting you to fall": That is not true. Certainly Hashem controls all outcomes, and if he wanted he could make someone walk in the room before you did it in order to stop you, but it was you, using your own free will that chose to fall. Hakol beydai shamayim chutz miyiras shamayim.

This doesn't mean that being human doesn't involve failure. That is part of life. We all fail, in many areas, and failure is to be expected. Progress, not perfection. True in every single area of life.

Hope this helps!

thank you i have strength! 
but i thing you are taking a side in the question from the rambam about yediah and bechirah, and there are a lot of other explanations how to answer that, and i still could be right....
thanks:mendy200

Hashem loves you unconditionally. No matter what you do or don't do. Hashem like a father loves his child and only wishes the best for him. I think when we fall He's not angry, He feels pity for us. Hashem wants us to be sane. He truly wishes we would stop not for Him but for us. The way we live life with shmutz is insane and shmutz affects our whole life. We feel depressed, can't work properly, daven, etc.
So try to think that Hashem would love you to stop, above all, for yourself. The way we live life with shmutz is not a life. It's dragging yourself through the days. 

Good point , i agree... hashem does it all.. but we are responsible for our actions, using emunah to brush off responsibility is wrong...

When Oodum Harishoim started blaming chava and not take responsility he got cursed... 

Hashem wants us to take "responsibility" ...

yediah and bechirah is a sugya for when we learn... but that dosnt make any difference L'halucha V'lmaseh for us... we still have all the 613 mitzvahs and we must do our best, the best of our ability , over and over again and again as long we live.. 

thanks everyone for answering me!
but... i know that every thing you are all saying is true, but when it comes lemaisah it just vanishes away, and i think- that i know what i am doing is wrong but, i could always do  teshuvah and be the same that i was, (even that i know that "if someone says i will sin and do teshuvah he does not get help from above" i also know that if i will ask someone after i fell that really i am not getting help from above? he will answer me that it does not mean this only...) 
i would really appreciate somechizuk or even heavy musser...
thanks :mendy200

don't be mistaking that once you will remember all this nice during an urge then you will not sin... 

In your case your desire to reach that pleasure to fulfill your urge overpowers all mussar and intellectual stuff you know...  the reason for that is because its an ingrained "Habit" for years... and it takes time and hard work to change bad habits... it doesn't happen by one musser schmooz and you are all transformed... 
That's the purpose of the 90 day chart.. as GYE post on top of the 90 day chart the following ( in case you didn't read) 

Take the leap of faith and start your 90 days challenge!It's not all or nothing. Just do your best and track your days.  Scientific studies show it takes about 90 days to change the neuron pathways in the brain created by addictive behaviors. Members of the 12-Step groups are given a "red" recovery chip when they reach 90 days. We also find the idea of 90 in Chazal. The Halacha is, that if one is not sure if he said "v'sen tal u'matar", he must repeat the Shmoneh Esrei. However after 30 days, one no longer needs to repeat Shmoneh Esrei when in doubt, because we assume that his mind has already gotten used to saying it. 30 days is 90 Shmoneh Esreis! Chazal knew that it takes 90 times of doing something to get the mind used to it. The Hebrew letter “Tzadik” – which symbolizes a Tzadik who is pure, also equals 90 in Gematria.

There are many ways to change habits, one of them is to prepare beforehand an alternative pleasure what you will do as soon as you feel an urge coming... some people make up with a partner that they will call every time they feel the urge... after consistent  90 days of changing a this habit you will be in a very different state of being... and after 180 days its even easier.. and then after a full year and you can imagine after a few years... well the urge will still come.. but you have the ability to overcome because its not a habit anymore....

Hatzlucha on your journey,

I was once in a store and I heard a person telling his friend, "I'm not addicted to cigarettes! I could quit whenever I want! I just don't want to right now." 
I would bet anything that this person still smokes.
The question you have to ask yourself is when you're gonna be the person you want to be? Because if you don't decide that you want to be that person soon, you might tell yourself "tomorrow" for the rest of your life! But if you try now, then you will already be the person you want to be now!
There are things that are more important and greater to you than temptation, at least during the time of your life that you're not lusting. You have to ask yourself who you want to be. Do you want to be someone great? Then fight the battle and you'll be great (no matter whether you succeed or not.) When you want to win strong enough, you won't want to make excuses! You'll want to be the great person you can be, more than you want pleasures, and it will be easier not to make excuses.
Remember, the way to become a great person is by trying to overcome temptation. So when it's more difficult, it's a greater opportunity to become great!
Hatzlocha

Good point @ Captain

when something is really important nothing in the way.. like the laziest type people still don't miss flights if its to an important destination and missing it means missing an opportunity / occasion..