Hi Everyone! I feel honored to join the ranks of GYE. Currently, my struggles are not as severe as many out there and I did not log on out of desperation (maybe I should have...) However, just browsing around and glimpsing at (the soul of) some of these lofty members, inspired me to want to come along with you all. So HI  and I hope to get to know you more. That being said, I do have a couple of questions. I am eager to begin my 90 days but would like to include more than "just" watching pornography & masturbating (although that is also a huge achievement and can't say I'm there yet). I guess things offline like looking at girls/women etc. and daydreaming into fantasies etc. inappropriate self touching etc. So I guess my question is how to solidify and quantify those in a way that I can say "oops that's a fall" or "no, only a slip". 

​Looking forward to hearing from everyone - novices (like me) and experienced alike.

Kol Tov!

Your 90 days, Your rules, Your lines

Hatzlocha Rabbah

It depends on what your goals are. I am primarily concerned with mz"l and therefore I found it helpful to stick with the official rules. As far as slips are concerned, it will be beneficial to know what triggers you. I found that a few "slips" in a row within a short period of time almost guarantees a fall, therefore keeping track of that as well and maybe counting x slips in x amount of time as a fall.
That being said, I found that for me as long as I am aware of whats I am doing, the less things that I count as a fall the better. In the past when I fell It would take some time to get back up, so it wasn't really beneficial to have any extra falls.

Sorry about the ramble, it's really what works for you. You don't want to overwhelm yourself, don't give yourself too many unnecessary falls, just be real honest with yourself.

Hatzlachah, keep on posting here.

For the sake of clarity it is worthwhile to keep to a standard system of "falls" designated by GYE. This way one is not busy agonizing over specific incidents to determine "did I mess up my streak or not". However your mindset is correct. The goal is to rewire our brains and stop using lust as our escape system, stop touching to "just remind ourselves how that feels", and all the other things we do while staying "officially" clean. There is no question that one who avoids touching will not tease himself and than just end up masturbating by "accidentally"  going past that point of no return, and one who learns to control his eyes and thoughts in the streets will be triggered much less. The more you stay focused by reading the forums, listening and reading the available material here, reaching out to the many guys here who BH have been successful, finding other releases and kosher escapes, etc, you will iyh start moving away from the ingrained habits. Hatzlacha!

Thanks Meyer M.! That line is almost as powerful as " Your best teacher for success is your last mistake" . I'll work at it.

wilnevergiveup,

I really relate to "I found that a few "slips" in a row within a short period of time almost guarantees a fall". So that's great advice. and very true about not overwhelming myself.

btw - just your name is inspiring 

Hashem Help Me,

Spoken like a pro! I hope to be there soon (1249 days!)

​Thank you everyone for your warm welcome and guidance. I hope to let all this settle and get going. I'll keep you posted.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 18 May 2020 11:27:

Can't agree more than this.  Especially for someone starting out... With snatching really... Its a lot of fun to think about the long success we will have and the many things we will continue to stay away from. Just make sure not to set yourself up for failur by doing to much. 

You mentioned that 90 days no porn or masterbating might be a struggle... So nu, let's test that and out and see where your really holding. It's difficult to make these calculation, especial,y if you don't know where you are.  
I don't mean to get to serious, but in my humble opinion, starting out with the default (no porn and masterbating) although for you may seem extreme, should, be your starting point from which you will continue to grow from. 
You nice you pass day 90 and you feel like you can keep going, that might be a time to sit down and get more normal (with looking, and thinking) because a lot of those things are natural... So it's really hard to Gauge what a fall is and isn't. After 90 days, you start working on yourself... But for now I highly think you should start with the barebones.  

Ps. I'm sure some disagree, just giving some ideas of what worked for me. 

Thanks Yosef10, I hear you loud and clear. Thing is though like willnevergiveup mentions that things add up and can eventually guarantee a fall. So part of wanting to do it all the way is not just new comers excitement but a desire to really get it done. If a person is busy looking at live people etc. because he won't look on-line, it will make it that much harder to maintain a streak - maybe. Just thinking out loud.

I think it works best for most of us to follow the official GYE guidelines, just make sure to keep track of what leads you to falls and beware. Don't think that because it's not an official "fall" it's okay.
You cant get anywhere in this place if all you do is don't fall. You have to grow, to make fences and as you grow they have to get stronger and stronger as you get stronger and can keep up.

Hatzlachah!