Ive been around here for some time but never got the gutts to say much and so the story goes i didn't get very far anyway here I am trying this again 
I grew up in a normal home or so I thought but I know my whole life i was a very fearful boy and I mean very I didn't play ball in yeshiva out of fear that i won't be good so to me there's no learning period for anything but thank hashem I was a smart boy and was able to doa lot without but learning recently that I was living a crazy life I started looking what's different about my life and I realized
I grew up in a home fine perents but thay treated us like crap basically like there subjects not that thay beat us but that we had to excel for tham and I could go on forever but the point is that i never felt like a person that can succeed like all others and only felt secure when I was better then all the others but no learning for me i was afraid
As a young boy I was having erections all the time and I mean before I knew what sex was and I was already looking for naked girls just simply being amused by naked girls then came the day someboy told me about sex and i couldn't stop thinking about it then sometime later i went to highschool and the boys spoke sex and I'd go crazy always being the frum Guy getting upset but looking back it probably had more to do with that regular boys just spoke about it but me it just took me over because i was so addicted and overtakin by sex
Anyway some of the boys were busy with the phone sex services but I wasn't because I never asked any one for the numbers because i didn't do these things but the time came when a friend told me some of the numbers while saying everyone  knows them and  I called that night and couldn't get myself away from them anymore calling them and listening to the opening massage but again and again until I almost got caught but I was addicted to sex 
I also didn't ever think of myself as gay because I always craved girls but I did also sometimes get a craving for certain boys even in my younger years and I've even gotten in to bed with a boy  naked as we touched and masturbate together and enjoy touching and carresing each other   so I don't know maybe someone can help with that 
got older and it aint goin nowere im just getting more addicted waching porn fantasizing every frum girl i see and masturbating my brains off 
I came here some time ago trying a lot of the program but not getting very far a good week here and there that's about it so then I tried the ultimate telling a close friend about it all now let me tell you that was hard but I did it anyway to try to helpmyself but that even though lasting much longer didn't do the job and here I am all addicted begging for help

mamishagevald wrote on 22 Apr 2020 18:28:

Yo. Welcome! You know, I relate to a lot of the stuff you're going through. Frum women drive me crazy too (especially my wife!!)
In my bouts of insanity I am jealous of hearing how other people had "experiences" with other guys when they were younger. Like I had so many things I needed to try before I "got good".
Enjoy your journey! Keep posting. It's refreshing to hear and empathise.

First thank goodness it's your wife that drives you crazy and second are you saying your also struggling with guys 
is it possible to struggle with both?

mamishagevald wrote on 22 Apr 2020 23:11:

Sure, why not? As it says in the white book, as lust knows no bounds, eventually the gender line is also crossed.

Hey, 

still new to the recovering community. What is the white book?

sleepy wrote on 23 Apr 2020 04:16:

I'm not afraid to post it

The Ramban is in Devorim 29:18
I don't think this explains all instances of SSA, especially those who (like myself) have SSA as our first and primary attraction. But it does shed light on many who like the OP here describe themselves as mainly heterosexual but find themselves attracted to men when in the throes of lust.

Thank you for that now now it makes sense