Read once, then minimize to save screen space.

Forum Overview

Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

Welcome, Guest

Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life?
(0 viewing) 
Welcome to our forum! Introduce yourself here (anonymously, of course) and get a warm welcome from the rest of the community!

TOPIC: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 8566 Views

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 19 Jan 2021 22:05 #361588

  • willdoit
  • Current streak: 20 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 49
  • Karma: 6
wilnevergiveup wrote on 19 Jan 2021 21:06:
Took care of it boruch Hashem!

Still licking my wounds but I'm still clean baruch Hashem.

Huge deal for me that I had the strength to get this taken care of.

Thank you Hashem for guarding me and answering my tefilos, I was really able to see the yad Hashem protecting me.

They say over from the Ba'al Shem Tov that before Hashem gives us something special, we are tested with a test of ka'as or taivah. This fits really nicely with what just happens as I am Iy"H making a bris soon, Hashem tested me with this huge test and I really hope I passed. Not perfect but much better than the old me, that's for sure.

Thanks guys for being there for me.

@wilnevergiveup, Amazing, you managed to withstand this nisoyon.
Keep it up!!!!
Thank you hashem for saving our dear @wilnevergiveup.

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 28 Jan 2021 06:35 #362154

  • wilnevergiveup
  • Current streak: 180 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 801
  • Karma: 62
50 days! L'ma'alah min hatevah!
Check out My thread  and The Truth

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 28 Jan 2021 06:47 #362155

  • Zedj
  • Current streak: 209 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 438
  • Karma: 25
Your at the height of purity!
Mazel tov on 50 days!

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 31 Jan 2021 09:17 #362327

  • wilnevergiveup
  • Current streak: 180 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 801
  • Karma: 62
I thought of a nice vort on the parsha that I'd like to share.

In Parshas Beshalach (14:15) Hashem tells Moshe "why are you crying out to me, speak to Klal Yisrael and go!" Rashi explains that Moshe got up and started davening. Hashem responded, now is the time to me marich b'tfillah... your salvation is in your hands... You have zechus Avos who trusted in me.

I think you can explain Rashi as follows. Klal Yisrael is faced with a tzarah, what does Moshe do? the tried and true crying out to Hashem. To this Hashem responds, "right now, your avodah is not tefillah, your avodah is emunah." 

Sometimes, we decide we are going to grow in a specific area of avodas Hashem, and we plan and work and even see some success. Sometimes though, Hashem sends us a message that it's not meant to be. What happens? We get all stressed out and cry out and say, Hashem, what do you want from me? I am trying so hard to grow, why do you have to do this to me?

The answer is that Hashem gets to choose where He wants you to grow. Hashem is telling us, that is not your avodah right now, this is.

Recently, I was really working on going to daven in shul at a specific minyan and getting to first seder on time. I was really doing well and B"H we were blessed with a new baby boy. I started getting all stressed out about how I am going to continue with my goals. Now I am telling myself, WNGU, you have a new avodah. It may very well be "just" not to get stressed out when you are faced with new challenges, or something else but one thing is for sure, I have a very different mission now than I had before.
Check out My thread  and The Truth

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
Last Edit: 31 Jan 2021 12:33 by wilnevergiveup.

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 31 Jan 2021 12:28 #362332

  • Hashem Help Me
  • Current streak: 1649 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 2690
wilnevergiveup wrote on 31 Jan 2021 09:17:

Recently, I was really working on going to daven in shul at a specific minyan and getting to first seder on time. I was really doing well and B"H we were blessed with a new baby boy. I started getting all stressed out about how I am going to continue with my goals. Now I am telling myself, WNGU, you have a new avodah. It may very well be "just" not to get stressed out when you are faced with new challenges, or something else but one thing is for sure, I have a very different mission now than I had before.

Excellent post. Very true. So many of us get stressed by our insistence that "this is what Hashem wants from me now", when really it is obvious that right now Hashem actually wants something else.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 31 Jan 2021 15:46 #362343

  • Ish MiGrodno
  • Current streak: 209 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 267
  • Karma: 24
אמר ר"ל פעמים שביטולה של תורה זהו יסודה, דכתיב "אשר שברת"  אמר לו הקדוש ברוך הוא למשה, יישר כחך ששברת - מנחות דף צט

Great people make the timely (not the fancy) choice.

As my kids would say, WNGU rocks.

With love from Grodno ~ IMG

ה׳ עמך גבור החיל! [שופטים ו׳ יב׳]

 Perhaps you can find chizuk from my thread at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/356161-Intro 

Feel free to reach out to me at
jackz90dys@gmail.com

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 09 Feb 2021 07:29 #362982

  • wilnevergiveup
  • Current streak: 180 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 801
  • Karma: 62
I am, how close I am to Hashem today in reference to yesterday. It’s important that when determining that, I must include my accomplishments just as much as my shortcomings.
Check out My thread  and The Truth

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
Last Edit: 09 Feb 2021 07:30 by wilnevergiveup.

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 17 Feb 2021 15:01 #363575

  • wilnevergiveup
  • Current streak: 180 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 801
  • Karma: 62

70 days clean. Been here before, with Hashem's help I will move forward.

In other news, I had a conversation recently with my wife about our struggle in general and I mentioned that the average guy is attracted to the average woman that he sees on the street to some degree. 

Oooooooh, bad idea. 

"So basically, I am in competition with all of the women in the world?"

"NO! I love you and I don't even know them, but I still have to look away when I see them in the street!"

"I give up! You can have them all, just not me!"

"You know that I love you so much and that I think you are the prettiest in the world."

"Liar!"

Etc.

Sooooooooo, I did learn something from this and that is that she will just never get it. 

It's like trying to explain gun control to a Republican.

Or trying to convince my grandmother that it's okay if I don't go to College.

Or trying to explain to a democrat why increasing labor rights will create less jobs, or how raising taxes can actually hurt the economy.

Some things, some people will just never understand.

Check out My thread  and The Truth

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 17 Feb 2021 16:00 #363576

  • Pure123
  • Current streak: 129 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 15
  • Karma: 1
Dear wilnevergiveup , 

Women has a sense of feeling and an intuition that's an inside voice that is telling them the truth...

when she said "Liar" its because that's what she feels and usually the truth... let me ask you, do you really believe she is the prettiest in the world? 



if you need more the a split second to think before you answer then she is right that were lying... 

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 17 Feb 2021 16:07 #363577

  • willdoit
  • Current streak: 20 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 49
  • Karma: 6
wilnevergiveup wrote on 17 Feb 2021 15:01:

70 days clean. Been here before, with Hashem's help I will move forward.

In other news, I had a conversation recently with my wife about our struggle in general and I mentioned that the average guy is attracted to the average woman that he sees on the street to some degree. 

Oooooooh, bad idea. 

"So basically, I am in competition with all of the women in the world?"

"NO! I love you and I don't even know them, but I still have to look away when I see them in the street!"

"I give up! You can have them all, just not me!"

"You know that I love you so much and that I think you are the prettiest in the world."

"Liar!"

Etc.

Sooooooooo, I did learn something from this and that is that she will just never get it. 

It's like trying to explain gun control to a Republican.

Or trying to convince my grandmother that it's okay if I don't go to College.

Or trying to explain to a democrat why increasing labor rights will create less jobs, or how raising taxes can actually hurt the economy.

Some things, some people will just never understand.


Hi,

I think maybe you can ask her back: What is it that you like about me? let's say she answers XYZ, now ask her do you think that i am the best being XYZ aren't there other guys out there who are better with XYZ?
Lets see what she would answer on this. If she doesn't have an answer, then you could start explaining - but try to stick to referring  to yourself - That when I look around I see so many people better than me with XYZ, so why should I feel good about it, and the answer is that all humans have their own characteristics which is unique which is whats making me different than the rest of the world so even in comparison to someone who happens to be XYZ I'm still vastly different due to my blend of my characters.

Same with you darling, I love you for who you are, for your physical appearance combined with your character which cant be found by someone else!    

It would be good for you to make a list of the things you like about her and share it with her.

Yours truly
Willdoit,
Last Edit: 17 Feb 2021 16:22 by willdoit.

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 17 Feb 2021 16:10 #363578

  • willdoit
  • Current streak: 20 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 49
  • Karma: 6
Pure123 wrote on 17 Feb 2021 16:00:
Dear wilnevergiveup , 

Women has a sense of feeling and an intuition that's an inside voice that is telling them the truth...

when she said "Liar" its because that's what she feels and usually the truth... let me ask you, do you really believe she is the prettiest in the world? 



if you need more the a split second to think before you answer then she is right that were lying... 

Great point!
But what if she isn't the prettiest  in the world?

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 17 Feb 2021 16:30 #363581

  • Trouble
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 564
  • Karma: 156
wilnevergiveup wrote on 17 Feb 2021 15:01:

70 days clean. Been here before, with Hashem's help I will move forward.

In other news, I had a conversation recently with my wife about our struggle in general and I mentioned that the average guy is attracted to the average woman that he sees on the street to some degree. 

Oooooooh, bad idea. 

"So basically, I am in competition with all of the women in the world?"

"NO! I love you and I don't even know them, but I still have to look away when I see them in the street!"

"I give up! You can have them all, just not me!"

"You know that I love you so much and that I think you are the prettiest in the world."

"Liar!"

Etc.

Sooooooooo, I did learn something from this and that is that she will just never get it. 

It's like trying to explain gun control to a Republican.

Or trying to convince my grandmother that it's okay if I don't go to College.

Or trying to explain to a democrat why increasing labor rights will create less jobs, or how raising taxes can actually hurt the economy.

Some things, some people will just never understand.


sorry to hear that.
i'm here for my thread, but I saw this, and this post is so important for the marriage struggle. Yes, you put your foot in your mouth (and trouble will try not to say anything troublesome), so you need a follow up. It will not be easy, but I wouldn't give up so fast. There are ways to explain it, and there are ways to move further even without fully explaining. 

Good luck to you
I'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 17 Feb 2021 16:35 #363582

  • Pure123
  • Current streak: 129 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 15
  • Karma: 1
here you go... this is your work... to work on yourself... knowing that hashem gave you the prettiest and most amzing women in the world that you will be happy... and no other women can make you more happy then being married to your wife... which is really not a different person but rahter your second half , based on many torah sources...

Let me ask you this , what if you are the the most handsome guy in the world... and your wife is attracted to other men... and on day she comes home saying... you know all women are attracted to all men...ETC.. 

i think you would probably get so angry and punch her in the face from anger , or you would go act out just by hearing her … think about how she feels... instead to affirming that its like explaining gun control to republicans.. 

does this makes sense to you?

maybe you already getting angry at me when I'm saying this... 

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 17 Feb 2021 17:12 #363590

  • starting
  • Current streak: 5 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 430
wilnevergiveup wrote on 17 Feb 2021 15:01:

70 days clean. Been here before, with Hashem's help I will move forward.

In other news, I had a conversation recently with my wife about our struggle in general and I mentioned that the average guy is attracted to the average woman that he sees on the street to some degree. 

Oooooooh, bad idea. 

"So basically, I am in competition with all of the women in the world?"

"NO! I love you and I don't even know them, but I still have to look away when I see them in the street!"

"I give up! You can have them all, just not me!"

"You know that I love you so much and that I think you are the prettiest in the world."

"Liar!"

Etc.

Sooooooooo, I did learn something from this and that is that she will just never get it. 

It's like trying to explain gun control to a Republican.

Or trying to convince my grandmother that it's okay if I don't go to College.

Or trying to explain to a democrat why increasing labor rights will create less jobs, or how raising taxes can actually hurt the economy.

Some things, some people will just never understand.


When i had a similar conversation with my wife it was along the lines of a non-sexual type of attraction, kind of like how one would find pleasure in seeing a nice view or a cute baby. 

Does not have to be the very best, prettiest view to be attractive and certainly does not create competition with the best. 

Hope this helps
Hatzlocho 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 17 Feb 2021 17:14 #363591

  • bego
  • Current streak: 160 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 201
  • Karma: 18
starting wrote on 17 Feb 2021 17:12:

wilnevergiveup wrote on 17 Feb 2021 15:01:

70 days clean. Been here before, with Hashem's help I will move forward.

In other news, I had a conversation recently with my wife about our struggle in general and I mentioned that the average guy is attracted to the average woman that he sees on the street to some degree. 

Oooooooh, bad idea. 

"So basically, I am in competition with all of the women in the world?"

"NO! I love you and I don't even know them, but I still have to look away when I see them in the street!"

"I give up! You can have them all, just not me!"

"You know that I love you so much and that I think you are the prettiest in the world."

"Liar!"

Etc.

Sooooooooo, I did learn something from this and that is that she will just never get it. 

It's like trying to explain gun control to a Republican.

Or trying to convince my grandmother that it's okay if I don't go to College.

Or trying to explain to a democrat why increasing labor rights will create less jobs, or how raising taxes can actually hurt the economy.

Some things, some people will just never understand.


When i had a similar conversation with my wife it was along the lines of a non-sexual type of attraction, kind of like how one would find pleasure in seeing a nice view or a cute baby. 

Does not have to be the very best, prettiest view to be attractive and certainly does not create competition with the best. 

Hope this helps
Hatzlocho 

Very much with you on this one. My own experience has been mainly negative in telling my wife. It's our fight to shoulder (pardon the mixed metaphor). 
I had a nearly 3yr streak and slipped slightly so started again. I have low self esteem so I'm telling you that 
Time to create page: 0.62 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes