This is my first time using this forum

im-ready wrote on 22 Dec 2019 15:35:

Thanks 

Ive never been so open in my life about this private topic but im giving it a shot 
I really want to change and am clueless how to
When the porn or masterbate bug gets into my head no matter what i cant get rid of it
My head gives so many excuses and im always looking for the easy way out and give in

im-ready wrote on 22 Dec 2019 16:26:

Hi "im-ready"
You seem to really be ready and we all congratulate you for taking this smart and responsible step.
Being OPEN is one of the main tools for recovery.
The main thing for now is to stick around here and connect with the people that have grown and healed, and with the help of hashem you'll grow and be fully healed too. 

Ive never been so open in my life about this private topic but im giving it a shot 

I really want to change and am clueless how to

When the porn or masterbate bug gets into my head no matter what i cant get rid of it

My head gives so many excuses and im always looking for the easy way out and give in



....it also took me a very long time to get here and openly brutally and without embarassment bare my heart soul yetzer hara and major taivos to my brothers here. Im now 54+ days clean and it would not have happened without these chat postings the postings in the forums and the two partners/mentors ive been privileged to meet through guard your eyes one in california and one in england without all of which i would have already fallen big time and lots of times. Even though its going to take some time go through all of the postings in all of the topics listed. You will not only find that youre far from alone in this struggle but will also find much of your own story and struggles written by your brothers here. Its the beginning of a very important fulfilling healing journey thats really not easy but will result in a spiritual and emotional healing completeness and wholeness. Welcome to the struggle from all of your fellow brothers. Keep strong.

 

Welcome. It should iyh be with hatzlocha. Keep posting - stay connected. The system works.

Welcome brother!

The secret is come back as often as you can and engage with as many people on GYE you can (assuming they say normal things...)!

Every time I come on this site, regardless of how many ''days'' I am clean, I become a healthier person and stronger in conquering this challenge. You have chosen to use the most successful tool of other people's support to get through something that thousands of us struggle with. 

So with that...You can do it!!! Can't wait to see your success. 

Tripping up, or a misstep, is a minor bump on the road, which requires one to refocus to get back on secure ground and move forward; failure is getting stuck in a hole with no way out. Because failure has a sense of permanence and self-definition, it creates “learned helplessness,” an idea developed by American psychologist and founder of positive psychology Dr. Martin Seligman. Learned helplessness is when a person no longer puts in effort because there seems to be no purpose. Since the effort put forward will have no results, why try? On the other hand, viewing one’s actions as a mistake or misstep allows for action and forward movement. Our internal self-dialogue and thought processes affect our every approach and reaction.



Reframing our thoughts to change our behavior is the theory behind cognitive behavioral therapy. Feeling empowered to change assures us that we don’t get stuck in the rut of failure.

The Sefer HaChinuch, in his description of the mitzvah of atonement, suggests that verbal acknowledgement is at the heart of confession (vidui) (Mitzvah 364). Acknowledgement—aloud—is the message to the self that our essence is good; we are not failures.