Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 05 Mar 2019 06:06:

Great, you should do and continue to do everything that helps you.
I didn't say anything against a Shvua, just in my experience it holds you back for a limited time.
In the beginning that is what we do but in the future you will understand what I mean.

Good luck!

Day 10 after that roller coaster...

I was thinking maybe the reason I keep falling and not hitting high numbers like my first streak of 140 days was because I wasn't communicating with the chevrah here and gye friends off this site...

So plan is to be talking to guys every few days iyh

mazel tov!!

This conversation took place today between my yetzer horag (yh) and yetzer tov (yt)

Yt: wow! Wow!
Yh: what's the wow?
Yt: what do you mean? I just reached 90 days clean today on first try!
Yh: so what? you still had these lusting thoughts from time to time..
Yt: well that wasn't intentional
Yh: but your only clean based on gye's  terminology, you still subconsciously look at woman and fantasize
Yt: so what? I didn't act out for 90 days and our action is what we can control, we can't have complete and constant control over our thoughts
Yh: so many guys reached 90 days and still fell, so what are you celebrating?
Yt: tommorow is the future I'm just focusing on the present!
Yh: I still haven't given up on you
Yt: neither have i
Yh: I'll put more effort to get you to fall
Yt: and I'm counter attacking and putting much more emphasis to stay clean.
Yt: just the fact that I'm clean for 90 days consecutively, shows me that I can survive without acting out.
Yt: I'm going to tell everyone that they too can defeat you
Y"h: oh man! He's actually winning me
Y"t: great! Hopefully moshiach comes right away and hashem will shecht you finnaly so we wouldn't have to constantly fight you!

For all those that haven't read my whole thread, I'm a 22 year old single Bochur, non addict and bh just reached 90 days on first try, one day before Rh! Definitely will have a totally different Rh like never before bh!

What keeps me going is, 
1) hashem helping me out! (Miracoulsy found gye just over 3 months ago)
2)the huge desire to get rid and to put an end to this after all these years
3) the 90 day challenge, iyh my next goal is to reach 200 days clean (thanks to the advice from hhm)
4) seeing that so many normal people have this struggle and I'm not a low life for having this issue
5) people's inspiration and talking to people

Wishing all of you a sweet clean and happy year!!

Yes, all I was missing was number 5.

I'm not sure what your trying to get to...

Point is, I didn't say I have it worked out.. i was just trying to figure out why i keep on falling after a long streak, and I am assuming it's got to do with me not communicating with gye friends.. that's it, only an assumption..

Seems like people misunderstood my posts.. when I joined gye I thought my issues will like magically go away.. but learnt pretty quickly that I'll have this fight my whole life, which was pretty hard to accept then..

I went off gye for a while simply because I wanted to have less urges to fight, and coming on to gye was doing the opposite being that I get triggered from small things, but not in a million years was my intention to fool myself in thinking that I'm good to go and I've recovered. 

Now, I did consider going to live meetings, however I decided to give gye a extra shot, so I made a shvuah and it worked wonders till it expired.. so now I have another shavua in place and guess what my filter is currently broken so technically I can access inappropriate stuff in 5 sec but my shavua is stopping me.. 

Point is, do I have to go to live meetings even though before gye I acted out 3 times a day and since joining gye only fell on 4 days, and that's 4 days out of 280 days!!

Time will tell..