I have struggled with viewing inappropriate images online and fantasizing for many years. My way of dealing with a tough day in the office or at home is to masturbate. Over the past few years, I started to receive occasional massages. Today I received a massage which resulted in a sex act at the end of it. I did not intend for it to happen. I knew the place I was going to was not 100%, but to me that meant less compliance with regular standards of draping. In the middle of the massage – which felt legitimate until that point - things changed. I knew what was going on, but let it proceed. I did nothing to stop it. I left as quickly as possible and feel incredibly ashamed. I then remembered GYE and signed up. I never want to do this again, and want to break free from this horrible habit. I am signing up for the 90 day challenge.
Help.

My heart goes out to you.

I didn't understand if the person doing the massage was a woman or a man, and if that is an additional factor in your self-critical thoughts right now.

You never know, if you stick around this could turn out to be a good day for you.

welcome!

i appreciate reading your honesty - you didnt  write anything about hashem and the yetzer hora etc - (Even if you didn't mean that:) in my expirience it was very important to understand that i want to stay away from porn (all inclusive) because its harmful to my life - even if i where not jewish!
so welcome! it gives me so much chizzuk to see new people like you that have the courage to start tackling this issue
hope to hear more from you.