Hi,
It is the first time I introduce myself on this forum. I am 22 and have been struggling with this addiction for a long time. A part of me desperately needs to escape and I have a lot of time ended in bad places. I lost my connection to god for a while and in the recent years I am coming back to my roots. I don't understand what drove me to act out the way I did and these insane cravings, I still have a lot of shame. I was introduced to SA about 4 month ago and I am now sober for more than 130 days. BUT I can fall right now, I feel inside me an overpowering desire to escape from god and my reality, why can't I be fixed? I feel like this struggle is so dangerous in where it can lead me and I am afraid of giving up, losing hope. I am feeling better since I am in the program but it takes an instant for me to go back and I hate that I know how desperate, anxious, lonely and afraid I will be if I act out. In short I am powerless over this disease and I cannot do it without god. Thank you to GYE and members of the forum for letting me share.
A pure soul in a tormented body
