Hi everyone
This one is kind of hard for me. As an orthodox, being addicted to p**n is hard. So after hard efforts of more than 2 years, i eventually got cleaned and GYE was a big part in this victory.

What a great feeling it was to be clean after 20 years of addiction ! In every aspect. As a orthodox i felt aligned with our Torah's values. As a husband i felt i was not lying to my wife. As a man, i felt i had control over myself !

But
6 months ago , i went like a robot to a esco**. It was so ...easy. I did again twice this year.
I'm shocked about myself, i cheated my wife, i took the risk of hiyuv kares.
What happened to my recovery ? I prefer to go back to the previous addiction and stop this one.

Has any of you experienced this ?
Thank you my friends
Paul

Chazak chazak warrior!please be mechazek yourself and for the sake of your family stop it,I don’t have your money to do such things and if I did who knows ,HaShem merachem!whenever I have a nisayon to look at something ,I won’t buy a cheap cell phone for two reasons (  anymore at least     )1.it’s too expensive ,I used to break it and throw it out right after acting out,2.i try to remember that HaShem is giving me this money, not MY ingenuity, and not MY talents ,it’s ALL coming from HaShem,if so, how can I use this matana  of money for  Aveira?! I know it’s a little or a lottle hypocritecal with the same reasoning how can I use my two EYES for aveira ,but for some reason regarding a phone it works probably because the reason of the lost of money.anyway,what’s going on in your life that made you try out such a risky thing,(I’m really not judging),keep on posting and Chazak !

BH I am well over 400 days clean now, and I have experienced a couple of big setbacks (looking at inappropriate things) but have not actually fallen. I think the problem with me was/is complacency. I used to read the GYE emails daily... I don't remember the last time I read it. I need to always remember that this is a lifelong journey and quite possible a big part of my mission in life. I pray each day for help in this area, I just need to remember to not get confident or arrogant that I'm guarding my eyes as that's what I'm supposed to do....
Are you doing anything different recently? Maybe sit down and analyse how your day plays out and if any triggers are creeping in (things that never used to be there when you were clean).

Wish you a lot of strength to carry on with this battle and you are doing an incredible job!!

Keep close to the GYE family!

Welcome back. Maybe just staying connected - posting from time to time, being accountable to some chevra here will get you back on track. Hatzlocha.

Hi Paul
Where have you been since you recovered did you still spend your time on GYE or did you feel confident that you passed it all ?
I think this is a lifetime goal even for non addicts as the world out there is terrible and always a chance to fall so even in times that i feel better there is always that fear and thats why i try to stay connected maybe less time but still around i know and recognize my weakness and don't ever want to go there again

I have just gone through similar circumstances.  For me, so far anyway, just going back to what worked before has allowed me to have my longest sober streak in over 2 years.  This followed over 2 years of sobriety and a lot of work.  Why did I fall? Primarily because I stopped working my plan.
"It works if you work it, but you have to work it everyday and every night, because you are worth it."
Hatzlacha Rabbah.
chaimyakov

I'm sorry to hear that.  Whatever you did to recover in the first place should work for you now.  You have highlighted the need to stay on guard and never get complacent.  I wish you the best.