@hashemhelpme Thanks a lot for your constant chizuk on the site as well as off the site. 

btw i actually just started a few weeks ago working on getting my B.A and I'm concentrating on phsycology so.......

i relate to much of your story 
you are a real chizuk and your positivity is contagious

Wow amazing work i cant even begin to imagine the hell you went through... - thank G-D your here with this truly awesome crew, keep up your momentum were all rooting for you !

I'm not sure that #2 is so healthy, please discuss with your therapist.
i think #1 & 3 may be connected, again, discuss with your therapist.

(Disclaimer: I wrote this with the understanding that giving this s.c. advice you don't have to have a degree or a היתר הוראה, if you think otherwise please report to mod)

youcan wrote on 16 Jan 2018 16:14:

#1 and #3 sure are related which is one of the things i've been working on in therapy in regards to number 2 I don't think i have to go tell the entire world my problems (i've told my rabbeim by now) but there is no reason anybody else has to know about it besides my rabbeim and therapists! let me know why you think otherwise!
(BTW i saw you wrote "if you think otherwise please report to mod" i do think otherwise but mod doesn't have to know about our problems only us and our therapist )

Regards
Yankel!

I didn't mean to say that you should post your story on LinkedIn
what I meant is that sometimes the pressure of acting as if nothing is going on & playing the role of the most successful boy on the block while inside you feel just the opposite, can cause some serious long term damage. I'm not saying this is the case with you, but in case it is, I don't want it should happen to you.
(note: could be I'm thinking that way because I've seen this happening to somebody in the past)

@youcan could be i made it sound very much like i'm walking around as though i'm the big shot and most successful boy on the block. if that would be true then you will be very right. i'm walking around like a regular boy who nothing has happened to him, even though i've had plenty of challenges (you're right i stressed very much in some previous posts as though i'm extremely successful i was just trying to emphasis why my living a triple life was painful)

I'm very happy to hear. 
As long as you fool everybody around you & you don't feel stressed about it, keep it up! (Or make sure it should become the truth... )
I think we're all doing it in some way... I'm also doing it; outside I seem to be a happy person, I make people happy (some are even jealous..), but inside I'm so broken. But I don't feel it as a pressure, I think that this is part of my nature & I even enjoy it.

youcan wrote on 16 Jan 2018 21:06:

Very well put! it's funny how everyone is jealous of everyone else without knowing the truth about other peoples life! 

iampowerless wrote on 16 Jan 2018 21:22:

Yeah, the isolation raises the jealousy, for me. I like to hypothesize that everyone else is always better than I am and is always successful. It's easy to sit in the corner and sulk. It's harder to actually uncover people's reality.

The thing is that we're picking out the good things from everyone and we make it as the package we want. What we miss to understand is that nobody has the full package... And everybody has part of it, including ourselves & other people are jealous on the good things we have...

Hi everyone here is an update today baruch hashem i reached day number #24 clean 
here are some things that have been helpful so far 1.filters 2. making connections and keeping in touch with my GYE buddies 3. therapy 4. concentrating on ODAAT 
BTW in honor of day # 24 i changed my Avatar!!!!

Getting Sober ODAAT 
Your friend Yankel!

I'm sitting in my office pretty bored so i'm just going to post.....

I sadly share an office with 2 non jews and most of the conversation's they have always have to do with girls, their entire life revolves around one goal and one goal only, girls. in the beginning before i started my recovery hearing them talk was a real turn on, but now that i've baruch hashem been 29 days clean when i hear them speak i can't help but realize that even though they spend their entire lives discussing girls, every morning they still walk into work complaining about what stupidity they fought with their girlfriend last night about (one of them actually recently proposed to her girlfriend and since that day it's been nonstop fighting) and their girlfriends are just sex toys for them as opposed to a real relationship i realize how their entire relationship revolves around lust there is nothing there besides lust and as such they are never happy rather really depressed even though they have it all in regards to lust. and now when i hear them speak i turn to hashem and thank him from the bottom of my heart for helping me realize this real important lesson in life before it was too late!
Dear yetzer hara i know you are constantly trying to make me believe that if i give in to my desires it will be so pleasurable, if the pleasure is the pleasure that my 2 office buddies who give in to their desires all the time are having i could happily live without that! I don't need that in my life so thanks but no thanks......

Hashem i really love you 
 Yankel

Super post!

iampowerless wrote on 23 Jan 2018 22:26:

Mazeltov!

I'd try refrain from generalizing about other people from what they say (especially if they're not talking to you). Maybe their lives aren't just about the lust? Do you know them well enough? Sorry I'm just bringing this up because I know the pattern - superiority leads to acting out for me. Not sure about others.