Hi
it started when i was three i was thrown out of school for acting out in front of the school by recess
for years after that all what went through my mind was sexual issues i had to do with other boys at the age of seven
at the age of twelve i found out how to masturbate and i did it quiet often sometimes 4 times a day and this went on for years i also use to fiddle with myself
at about fifteen i got involved with my younger sister many times
i went to yesiva and imanaged to hold myself back for a couple of months but then it went back to the old days it got worse because i had interest in other boys one time i couldn't hold myself back i wrote a boy a letter and he replied that if i wanted he will speak to the masgiach for me and i said ok then i spoke to the masgiach and it was a waste of time (a lot of masgichim are not equipped to deal with such problems) and that was it
in the next 2 years i ended up writing 5 letters to 5 differnt boys it got so bad i was depressed i felt like killing myself i felt nobody understands me i felt it wasn't my fault i just couldn't hold myself back
then i did something terrible in yeshiva and the masgiach said either I'm out either i go for therapy so i went for therapy (i was forced to tell my father what was going on because i needed the money to pay for the costs that was real gehinom)
the therapist put me on med and started to deal with me i went to him for about a year then he took me of the meds
i went to eretz yisroel and i felt i was very rigged i felt if i let down by barrier i will go straight back to everything i never let myself do anything which was fun because i felt if i do something i will end up doing things which are ossur
about a year later i went back to doing the old stuff viewing pornography and masturbating and i was to scared to tell anyone i felt like a looser that went on for about a year then i started being good again but  i felt it wouldn't stay so i went to a very good rabbi who helped me out he gave me chizuk he found a good therapist and i went there
he told me its not my fault it so bad what you did it is probably a chemical imbalance in the brain and he sent me to a psychiatrist who put me on meds i feel a different person that someone understood me
he taught me a few good techniques one of them being mindfulness it is a very good technique 
b''h im doing mush better now im 23 im still not ready to get married but i feel a different person
i only found out about gye recently shame i didn't know about it earlier

Welcome,
​usually i'm not posting here, due to many of my issues.
​but i relate very much to feeling sexual desires from a very young age (about 2-3),
​in i never saw someone writing about this. i always thought that i was the only one.
so thanks it gives me chizuk,       

Welcome.

You are the man!! WOW!!!!

To come here and post like you did is amazing! As you already see that from your post one guy wrote that this was for him a chizuk. May Hashem help you grow further in your recovery.

Thanks for coming here.

thanx for replying
you say you attend live sa meetings can you post something that will be constructive for many people or if you think something is good for me to hear privately please email me at wellworthit@gmail.com

i just want to tell anyone looking at this forum that all what is written is just the story line but there is so much more and i always thought that im doomed for life but b''h im well on the way to recovery
there is hope for every single one of us no matter how long its been and no matter how bleak it looks you just have to find the write remedy that will help for you but there is an ans to everyone
dont give up
keep searching for what suits you best
this is a milchemes mitzva

Welcome. You displayed much courage in your post. Keep writing and stay connected. The chevra that do have an easier time breaking free. Hatzlocha.

Welcome!  You have certainly been through a lot!  I'm glad to see that you are doing better and you have a positive attitude. 

wellworthit

You sexually abused your sister when she was under the age of consent.
What have you done to help her now?
She must need counselling at the very least.
That is incest and paedophilia.

i have tried my hardest to speak to her and see if she needs help
my therapists say judgeing from the situation they hope she will be ok

I hope so too but whilst I admire your intention to change for the better, there is every danger she was damaged by this.
I hope she can get counselling.

thanx for worrying and brining it to my attention i will discuss it with my therapist again
keep up the great work is there anywhere where i can read your story and get to know you a bit

No extensive story.
Simply a man who wants to avoid pornographic images and masturbation.
My main triggers are stress and depression, so I am working on that in a positive way.
My main help is a technique called HALT.

This stands for the four triggers which affect me most

Hunger
Anger (Resentment)
Loneliness
Tiredness

If I feel one of those I am in danger of acting out, if it is two or more at the same time then it goes to red alert!

Not everyone on this Forum believes in HALT, it may not apply to everyone on this Forum.
But I know it applies to me.

i have heard of halt from my therapist