abd297 wrote on 30 Aug 2017 11:42:

All of the above info can be part of the plan.
Plan for a fall after multiple slips
A)

C)
Plan for preventing a fall after multiple slips
A)

C)

I don't have a clue what the plan would be

Welcome back. Maybe more important is to plan how to avoid or deal with triggers. A chaver from here realized that he fell every time he went onto you tube. Every time he went to that site he was a goner in minutes.So we made a Taphsic not to go onto you tube. He made a hefty knas if he does and BH he is doing very well. We have to plan and raise the bar - We have to travel in a place that has triggers, what is the plan? We are going to a specific store or recreation facility that has "turned us on", whats the plan? We have a tough time after a chupa with all the mingling, whats the plan?   Of course we should not go to pieces if we chas v'sholom fall, and should have a plan how to get right back up and start again, but more important lets do whatever we can to plan b'ezras Hashem not to fall..

P.S. If we do fall, we have to realize that however many days, hours or minutes we stayed clean, are ours forever and do not get erased.

Shabbos was pretty normal. Had some very strong urges during the day. Mostly one wave towards the end of the meal for some reason. It passed and things were good since then. Been watching my eyes more too. 

Yesterday was pretty hard. Got through by distracting myself with random things. Not sure why it was any different than other Sundays. The important thing is that it's done and today's a new day.

Hi just checking in. Things keep moving on. I feel pretty good. Nothing major happening. Happy to be back to work as the past two days have been really hard. It just keeps the structure of the day going. That's been very helpful in the past weeks.

Just checking in. The forums seem to be really slow these days. Not much going on for me. Just picked up another chavrusa in the evenings so we'll see how it goes. 

I feel good in general. Been fighting thoughts pretty well. Working on my eyes. I feel good about where I am and looking forward to the future. Definitely a better place mentally than the past few years. 

Had kind of a miserable night and morning. Didn't sleep well and had bizarre dreams. I dreamt that I gave in and was going to watch porn. It was so realistic. Don't remember if I actually did but I woke up feeling really guilty and terrible. Woke up thinking that I finally blew it and now I'm gonna go all out. I also slept in for the first time in a while. 

This is is not the first dream like this. I have had similar dreams also. Sometimes I actually watch porn and  it turns to a wet dream. Sometimes I fight and win in the dream. I always wake up feeling like it was all real. More than any other dreams. Very relieved that it wasn't real or a wet dream. 

In the early stages of recovery such occurences are to be expected. Lets face it. We trained our subconscious mind to focus on these images and thoughts. We trained our bodies to overproduce zera. It takes time (and patience) until everything reverts to the normal settings. IYH as time goes on such dreams will be fewer and further apart, you will sleep well, and wake up feeling refreshed. I know its easier to write than to do : Don't pay any attention to these dreams.

These dreams have been rare. The most interesting ones are when I fight off the urge and wake up feeling good. Never sure why I fight in some or give up in others. Out of my hands I guess. 
They seem to happen at random. Very interesting topic. I also haven't masturbated or watched porn in over a month so it proves these occurrences are either random or way beyond my understanding. There are many factors that are at play. Some nights I sleep on my stomach and fantasize about porn but wake up fine and some nights I'll do it all right and still have a wet dream. Stopped worrying about it. 

Not or sure what I think about them but I don't let them bother me anymore. I've heard different things and don't agree with most of them. I guess it's up for discussion. 

You have a healthy attitude. Its great that you are clean over a month. Keep it up b'ezras Hashem so you do well and can help and inspire others

Sounds like you're letting go of the things you can't control (and not stressing about figuring out if you can control things, like your dreams), and focusing on living life. 

Feels good, don't it?

That's exactly it. With the help of my rebbi, counselor, and Hashem I am beginning to embrace that mindset. It's very liberating. It's integral for any sort of progress in life. Things didn't come easy though. This is after years of going nowhere with ups and downs. Interesting how everything just comes together in the end.

Its great that you share all this with a rebbi and counselor. Getting it all out honestly relieves so much stress and opens you up to hearing advice, receive chizuk, etc. Be gebenched

It took me many years to ever speak about it to anyone. Then it took me a while to speak openly with my rebbi. He then recommended a counselor. I worked with him over the last year. I am now out of yeshiva but I retain my relationships with my rebbi and counselor. 

That was one of the wisest decisions you made in life. Personally i suffered in silence for so many years. The torture, anguish, depression and anxiety were indescribable. Sharing, and especially with wise goodpeople is a big part of many people's success here.