Shalom aleichem, 
I'll jump right into my story. I am 27 and a baale teshuva ( about 17-18 years) . I first started watching P*** and Mas***** when I was around 15. Back then internet wasn't that easy to reach so I was falling maybe once or twice a month. But then as Internet grew and the speed is faster I started falling more and more. I went to yeshiva for a year in 2007 and even there I would borrow friend's laptop to feed into the lust. After yeshiva I came back home and now the smartphones came out which made everything that much harder. Since then I have been receiving daily chizuk emails and being on the 90 day chart on and off. The most I have been clean for the past 12 years or so is about 3-4 weeks which only happens 2 or 3 time other than that I have been repeatedly falling 2-3 times a week. I have been reading the handbook, windows to the sould, writing my own journey and what makes me fall and almost all the suggestions on this website but today again after 2 weeks I fell. I feel like I have tried everything but I fall right back into it and I just want to give up. Baruch Hashem , Toda LaHashem I have never had sexual contact or relationship. Honestly I don't know what else to do. I keep feeling I can do it , then I am clean for couple of days and then I just get right back to everything the same way it has been happening for the past 15 years. 
I am here to get helped and BH put a stop once for all. Please help me out, I am doing my hishtadlut and I hope Hashem gives me the proper guidance through you guys. 
Thank you 

Hi and Welcome PJ,

I can relate totally. I can say that yes and yes and yes. There is lots of hope out there!!! i know of many many that had worse situations of you including me, with 17 years of acting out, and not once or twice a week, but rather about once a day or more. Hashem has his ways how to help us. BH one day at a time I am sober now from my acting out for over 6 months.

So stay here with us and read the threads of how many of us are recovering.

Feel free to send me a private message for any questions you may have.

Welcome!  What ideas from the handbook have you implemented.  Reading isn't going to help that much.  It is the actions you take that will make a difference.  Have you opened up to anyone?  There is a progression in the handbook.  If one thing doesn't work, try another, or add another to what you are already doing.

This on-and-off cycling sounds so familiar for me. Have you ever considered the possibility that your behaviors are addictive and that trying to stop cold just won't work? Things did not start working for me until I admitted the addictive nature of my porn and masturbation. There's this guy Dov who is a recovering sexaholic (20 yrs sober) who literally saved my life and my marriage. He has posts and audios on GYE (audios under Kosher isle, shiurim). I would give some of these a try. If they resonate at all I recommend contacting Dov by email, wequithiding@gmail.com. I call Dov my Recovery Rebbe. Also feel free to contact me at submittodaymg@gmail.com. We can talk on the phone if you're comfortable with that. Hatzlacha, chaver!!!!!