cordnoy wrote on 31 May 2023 17:50:

Hey, S/O from me too!

I also joined when bedtime was becoming an issue. At first I thought that would be the end of my 'nightlife' activities, it didn't quite happen that way. But when I rocked up half an hour late after going to bed at 2 (instead of 4) and my chavruso had been waiting after having arrived on time more or less straight from the airport, it sure became a motivation to get to bed on time.

I never heard of Kollel Ohr Shmuel. Mornings is tough. Will try to find a chavrusa.
I already missed my deadline tonight. Wasn't feeling well and went in for a nap late afternoon. Needed to go out now to some simchah's and daven marriv.
Overall my day was mostly ok, except for a few minutes on the street, when I let my eyes wander a little.

Got Voch everyone,
Thursday night I made it to bed before my deadline, but was in a very sad mood due to hearing some difficult stories. I couldn't sleep and ended up masturbating late in middle of the night.
Shout out to HakolHevel for texting me in middle of the night but I didn't see it until the morning.
Friday I had a busy day but managed to stay sane.
Shabbos was ok. Was feeling a little down and out of sorts over Shabbos. 
Trying to document my journey even though it's hard for me to post. 

Your honesty and bravery are an inspiration for us all to own up and be real with ourselves. Keep it up, my friend!

I am back here again. I haven't officially left and was lurking in the shadows reading everyone's posts, but not actively participating.
I have been doing pretty much ok for a while. In a certain sense I felt like I've "graduated" so to speak. Not that I haven't acted out occasionally during this past year. I did, but my mind was mostly ok. I fell, picked myself up and brushed myself off to start fresh.

I want to thank HakolHevel who is my web chaver and checks in on me. It has been very beneficial. May Hashem bless him with all the best!

Lately I have been going through a challenge time. I am really struggling and I find my mind fantasizing and thinking thoughts which are very not appropriate. It is really challenging. 

I feel like Reb Chaim really summed it up so eloquently in his Posture of Pornography article. I might not be mindlessly browsing the Internet, but I feel like I am currently in this posture and will eventually keep on failing, unless I see myself out of it.

I am reaching out for the support of the community. For those that remember me and for all the new members out there, I can use some support.

Thanks for reading, Hatzlacha by all of you!

lionking wrote on 06 Jun 2024 13:43:

How can we forget?
It seems to be a theme here lately, guys going thru some tough times, it may also be a sign of the chevra going places with recovery, as the drug subsides every painful episode "feels" more painful as well. 
May Hashem give you strength and clarity and comfort thru all your challenges, and don't hesitate to share, we are here for you.  

mggsbms wrote on 06 Jun 2024 14:55:

Of course we remember you! You're the guy who won Cordnoy's lingerie raffle! (and then exchanged it for a bunch of Torah Tapes, but that’s a whole ‘nother gripe  )

Ditto to everything mggsbms so eloquently said, I've got nothing to add, except…

Hakuna Matata!!

youknowwho wrote on 06 Jun 2024 16:13:

Hey YKW what the hell you doin' on the path to sanity?!  Huh?! Scram !! 

redfaced wrote on 06 Jun 2024 16:15:

Ya know what? You're absolutely right!! 

Especially since my day is turning out to be exactly like the sentiments expressed in your new avatar...

Poof, I'm gone!

Thanks everyone that responded or acknowledged my message.
I guess I predicted myself. I acted out last night. Was in a extreme rotten mood and wired up so couldn't sleep, was desperate to act out and finally found something to read which I was able to access to act out with. I felt a little like I was possessed by something to get my release.
Still not feeling well today. Went to the doctor and got medication. Hopefully I can snap out of this quickly.
On a positive note, B"H I was very successful on the street today and did a decent job with my thoughts. Praying for a better week.
Git Shabbos!

Day 2, Shabbos was ok. Really not feeling well and defenses are down when body is down. Struggled a little with thoughts of acting out.

B"H another successful day has passed.
Really working hard to not let thoughts linger in my head.
Looking forward to another great day today.

mggsbms wrote on 06 Jun 2024 14:55:

Dearest Loinking, and all my dearest, bestest friends, Just last week I spoke to a few guys that have been here in the past, and have graduated. They are wonderful people, did wonderful work, and they got out of this mess. They haven't been here in a little while
And when I reached out to ask how they are doing, I was very saddened by the response. A few of them texted me back that they are not up to talking, because they feel so low and stupid etc because they fell back into the cesspool
 My friends, what I have learned is that keeping the friendships fresh, having the people to lean on, which encourages constant vigilance, is SUPER IMPORTANT!!!!
Dearest Lionking, dearest friends, stay connected! It will keep you fueled to do what you have to do to keep trucking!

Dear Reb Eerie,

Thanks for stopping by and checking in.
B"H Shavous was nice. B"H was very vigilant on the street and avoided looking around. However I really struggled with thoughts and fantasies in my head. Last night I kept waking up aroused multiple times during the night. It was a real struggle not to act out.

May you be zoche to only good in your life.
Gut Shabbos!

Hi!
It's always nice to hear from you, and from all the others. Happy to hear that your vigilance on the street worked out, BH! I hope you appreciate the greatness of doing that
I'm sorry that the fantasies kept coming. Have you tried urge surfing? Have you tried distracting yourself? Well, I'm sure your wondering how you can distract yourself when you're laying in bed. I'll give you one idea: What would you do if you won the lottery and had a windfall of $200 milllion? The possibilities are endless, how many mosdos you'll build, what type of new way of helping klal Yisroel can you come up with?

My friend, may we all be zoche to only good!
Keep trucking, and keep us posted!