Shmuel wrote on 06 May 2022 22:50:

Nobody was promoting street language. I was responding to his overall avoidance of using sexual language, and was encouraging getting the words out of his mouth in a clinical fashion. At the same time, i was just pointing out that i was not suggesting the use of street language, because doing so would be inappropriate and can actually be triggering as well.

I masturbated yesterday. A little bit of external imagery but mainly my imagination.

I'm cool with it. 

As I get older I see many areas people are nichshol in. I don't really believe this is worse, though I agree it can lead to issues of disconnection from reality. I had a need, my wife was upset I was so sexually needy and didn't want to be together. I solved the need and felt better.  Maybe it was even l'sheim shomayim. 

It's true the need doesn't go away. And it's true the more I am masbia the more I need. But it's also true that life is complicated. 

B"H, I'm growing up. 

bego wrote on 28 Jun 2022 10:36:

"I solved the need and felt better."

"And it's true the more I am masbia the more I need."

how do you reconcile these two statements?

Vehkam wrote on 28 Jun 2022 12:04:

Fair question. 

I don't.

I've been in different places in my life. Right now i recognise the contradiction but don't feel it's worth fighting. We all have it anyway. Unless you become totally asexual, you spend your life wanting more and being satisfied with less. Azehu oshir.... So I want more, but I'm happy with what I have. if I have to help myself because right now that's my need, I am not saying that's perfect, but I'm comfortable. 

I acknowledge the stirah and cognitive dissonance. 

bego wrote on 28 Jun 2022 12:07:

I relate to this 100%. I have been there before.

(Eventually it got "worse" (more maladaptive/addictive) for me, but more so the cognitive dissonance didn't give me peace)

Hatzlacha on your journey

bego wrote on 28 Jun 2022 10:36:

so, based upon our other communications, you may not be "cool with it." did something change? guilt setting in later? 'l'sheim shamayim.... hmmmm

bego wrote on 28 Jun 2022 12:07:

1)i understand the idea of not being ready to fight it right now.  That is different than saying its not worth fighting.
  
2)there are plenty of happy satisfied people who are not asexual.  There is a happy medium between being asexual and spending your life wanting more.  The idea that someone who is shomer kedusha has to be asexual comes from the yetzer hara.

3)In your first post, you write that you see many areas that people are nichshol in, and you don't think this is worse.  I think that what people are nichshol in is irrelevant to the challenge in front of you.  I wouldn't want anyone to judge me by my failures and wouldn't judge anyone else.  So I am just not looking at anyone else and/or comparing myself and my flaws to theirs.  You are correct that you should not look down upon yourself for this or any aveira - that is just a post-fail tactic of the yetzer hara.

4)That does not make it ok for me to be complacent be happy continuing those failures.  In the right time, i will fight through them and stop failing, however until i reach that time i will try to be comfortable with myself and push forward in the right direction ever so slowly. 

5)doing things that are assur "lshem shomayim" is a very slippery slope.  the yetzer hara can easily hijack that idea and convince you to fall deeper.  I am not ch'v judging you or your response to your situation.  I am just trying to alert you to the possibility of danger to be aware of.

I masturbated yesterday. A little bit of external imagery but mainly my imagination.



I'm cool with it. 



As I get older I see many areas people are nichshol in. I don't really believe this is worse, though I agree it can lead to issues of disconnection from reality. I had a need, my wife was upset I was so sexually needy and didn't want to be together. I solved the need and felt better.  Maybe it was even l'sheim shomayim. 



It's true the need doesn't go away. And it's true the more I am masbia the more I need. But it's also true that life is complicated. 



B"H, I'm growing up. so, based upon our other communications, you may not be "cool with it." did something change? guilt setting in later? 'l'sheim shamayim.... hmmmmHmmmm indeed.



Ki hakol hevel. 

Get off the ropes man. This is not the bego we admire. You've won before, you can win again.

If someone told you that today is your last day in this world you wouldn't masturbate. ODAAT

Kavey wrote on 28 Jun 2022 18:48:

Thank you, though I don't recognise your name. Nor do I know that Bego.

bego wrote on 28 Jun 2022 15:26:

Is this some sort of "defense mechanism"?
Just asking?!

I'm new here but was reading your thread. This is the bego I was referring too. I wish I had that kind of record.
bego wrote on 29 Jun 2021 14:16:

fromnow wrote on 28 Jun 2022 19:01:

Probably. The hakol hevel was directed at my own words.

I'm new here but was reading your thread. This is the bego I was referring too. I wish I had that kind of record.So it's been over 4 years and I've got 1,418 days clean in total. As far as I recall, there was only one slip in that time. 





 Ouch.



x2. 

sleepy wrote on 28 Jun 2022 22:53:

I recognise that we all sin, just in different ways. I see that many people greater than I have areas they struggle with tremendously and I just don't feel that over powering guilt I used to. I no longer really believe that Hashem is going to pounce on me for my aveiros. I believe my life is a process of struggling and achieving. 

A better filter would likely have made a very small difference. This isnt me surfing the web and being turned on.