Thanks everyone for your kind words

Truth is i dont see myself beating this.  Im not fishing for words of encouragement just being open and honest.  I might go on a run for a while and feel like im the frummest guy in the world but i know i will fall.  Its no longer a matter of if...

Filters are useless in my opinion.  Its like confiscating a drug addicts money, he will find a way.

I have K9 on my cpu - useless, i tried something on my phone - didnt work, only served to mess up my phone.

Its only the second day and im struggling.  Its alot easier to accept your fate then fight it and thats kind of what im feeling like right now.  Even if i hit 90 days and i know i wont it wont matter because at some point i will fall and when i do it will be big.  it hurts the most when you fall from a  hight. 
Part of me doesnt even believe the people that have numbers like 550 days clean etc.  If its true that you all relate to my years of struggle, that you too have spent so much of your lives doing aveiras and then almost the rest of it regretting them, then i just dont beleive you have beaten this thing with will power alone.  Maybe you have got older and drives have diminished  or maybe you are so busy at work that you just dont have the time but as far as i can see i would need to be super human to stop this and im just not.



Benjy