You can email me anytime though I cannot guarantee when I will answer 
(i think gs might be able to help you more than me)

I emailed you

so i fell this morning and as is well known the hardest part is getting back up after the fall just for that its not worth it guys hang in there i'll be back (am back) stronger than before hopefully with more tools

AAYYY!  I know the feeling all too well.

Sorry for you.
When you dust yourself off and are ready to take on the great come back, first, do some soul searching and see what lead you astray. I know with me, acting out doesn't surge out of nowhere. It always was brewing under the surface for a while. 
What were the causes?
How can I plan better?
What emergency plan do I have in place in the event I think I am gonna act out real soon?

When you return with intelligent changes you feel better 'cause there is a legitimate reason why this time should be better.  
You yourself will be much more excited and cautiously confident, than when you just boomerang back with good intentions.
Hatzlocho!

so i slipped very far last night and i was torn my body wanted one thing my mind another thing then i chapped that if my mind really wants not to act out there are things which i can do so i called my mentor who was in middle of shabbos but i left a message and knew i would be held accountable it worked bh

Great story.
You also learned an important lesson that you can draw on for the future.
Even when you are in the midst of a bitter battle there is what to do to save yourself. 
Here, you just called your mentor. He couldn't even talk to you and you made it.

hi,
i'm bh feeling better these days my meds are kicking in 
i still get anxious but i'm now learning other tools to release tension
hopefully that will help me stay stopped
i also now have a larger support group to reach out to
once again i'm so grateful to all of you who reply thank or even just read my posts
and of course as HHM said god bless gye

Nice to hear things are going better. It's time you start to realize you are part of that support team to. You will iyh help many struggling "mikes".

my therapist (chassidish guy speaks only yiddish and hebrew) told me to go to SA to help with loneliness and guilt
the chiddush is that SA is not only for staying sober
let's see if his helps we'll keep you posted

Nice!
So after all that you went with the fourth opinion
By the way its totally true.
The 12 steps and the fellowship are more about gaining emotional sobriety than stopping to act out.
Be in touch with me, I am here to help. In any way I can.

I totally second that, SA gives so much more than just stopping to act out or staying stopped.

It should be with hatzlocha. Looking forward to hearing how SA will give you the life skills to live a happy and healthy life, marriage, etc.

so i just got back from SA its nice to see how it woks
a lot of people there are doing or did things much worse than i ever did
and are much worse off like acting out more frequently
i was hoping to meet a bunch of real sober people
that was a letdown
very positive light atmosphere got a temporary sponsor and we'll take it from there
gonna start the twelve steps "vroyshoy magia hashomaimo"

"Keep coming back, it works if you work it."

GEVALD UN GESHRIGGEN

its 2 am i cant sleep and i'm about to fall i started slipping

i went for my jog too late its keeping me up its a huge nisayon

raboisai please daven