"Try1ng" post=292988 date=1469933549

Well, I got to 3 days clean. Probably the longest streak I can remember
And then I fell.
And the day after I fell
And the day after I fell
And the day after I fell.
I had a really bad encounter with serious anxiety and depression caused by other people, who, if I want to do this, I think I'll have to separate from. They hurt me to much, and this is my coping mechanism that I fall back to combat the loneliness that makes me feel. When people are mad at me, when I feel unwanted, when I feel like a burden.

And here I am now, desperate to get back to how i felt - that freedom - that guiltless conscience - that feeling of starting to become clean.

Back to square one.
A new day, a new opportunity I suppose.
Best prepare for tomorrow morning, when I'll meet my first enemy - the morning ta'avah....and whatever sweaty dream I had the night before, and my only weapons against are Modeh Ani and my negelwasser right next to my bed.
I'm looking into talking to a trained professional. Possibly Monday (the 1st).
Hashem please help me.