I was introduced to GYI a while ago, and I was on and off the site, a few times.
Before I started reading the forums, I thought that I’m the only one that a filter can’t help, and that's because the nature of my job, no filter can block me.
But after reading here on the forum the struggle everyone is having, I realized, that it’s not the nature of my job what the problem is, it’s the nature of my addiction what the problem is.
Another issue I had is, I quickly forgot that it was only yesterday that I had a fail. And I convinced myself, that I’m not that bad, I’m only having fails once in a while, and I can go really long without failing.
But once I started to use the 90 day chart, I quickly learned that I can’t go more the 30 – 40 days clean.
And every time I fail, I promised myself, that this is the last time this is happening. wall now that it happened again, I think it’s time to admit to myself, I’m a addict, and I can’t help myself, only hasham can help me, and I’m going to pray every day and every min, he should not let me fail again.
And as hishtadlis from my side, I will try every tool out there to get me out of this.
So my first step here is, I created a new account on GYE with a new user name. And started the 90 days chart(again) yesterday, I already set a strong TaPHSIC fence. And now I will make the time to read the Hand book.
There is 1 tip I would like to share that helped me before.
We all know we can’t really stop using computers and smart phones, because we need it for work (or some other excuse), I once heard a way to look at this that helped me a lot.
The computer or smart phone is like a nuclear reactor, that by standing next to it you can get radiation in your body. That’s why anyone who does not need it, should stay away, as hasham made us work with this, and we need to do it for parnusah or any other reason, hasham is also giving us the tools for it, and he is protecting us from it, just like when the tech go’s in the nuclear reactor he puts on a suit that is protecting him.
Therefore anyone without this suite should not go in the room, meaning if your job does not require you to have a computer, you will not have the protection from hasham.
And the same goes for me that I do need it for my work, I have to think every time I touch the computer or smart phone, is it now work related? If not, that means you’re going in the reactor without the suit “STAY OUT”
Back to where I started, I hope that this time I will stay clean, and maybe this little tip will help someone 2, I think my next step is reading the hand book, and will take it from there
Thank you hasham, for this awesome forum
