BH I'm married too and have children and bh a pretty good going business and have alot to keep me occupied so I have where to put my time.
Looks like was a misunderstanding my point wasn't that I didn't like Tue feedback I got I truly love honest feedback and I'll be fully honest with my friends here my point was I agree that it sounds almost impossible but I'm fully confident that be"h I can accomplish impossible things as some asked me in private how come I pulled it off with my neighbor that is friendly with my wife why wasn't I scared and did it go unnoticed etc I have proven a lot of impossible things in my life and this will be"h be the next I was just saying because it sounds so impossible and if I'll say that I'm already sober for a week, month, 90 days and so on I understand that people won't believe me but iyh I'll be honest and sharing my journey with my fellow friends here all my success and c"v failures and struggles.

forget about if we believe you.
One of the things we have all learned that is at the very root of any success here is humility.
A guy gets on this forum and spills his guts on what he's done. There is no excitement just remorse and a yearning to improve. Many admit that they are at their wits end and simply don't believe in themselves and the idea that there will ever be hope.
Over time we learn to believe in Hashem, trust and reliance on him, know our triggers and do our best to stay away from them. We do chesed by giving each other chizuk and sometimes a little kick in the pants also.
But we improve, real improvement, improvement that you can sense, feel and taste.
It's sweeter than sweet 'cause we know that it came directly from G-d.
This quality of life I believe is rare amongst even those who are not "burdened" by compulsive negative habits.
I wish you the same. But it comes with HUMILITY. After humility, honesty is automatic. and then the willingness to do whatever means it takes to live a wholesome sober life.
You say you can do it. Maybe you can. Go for it and good Luck to you.
It doesn't help anyone to say "I told you so". I'd rather say - wow!- good for you- you said you could do it, and you did. I take my hat off to you.
Please understand that you need a lot of siyata dishmaya. In your case there are women who know you and your wife. Who says that in a moment of weakness or remorse one won't spill the beans? Or the woman enjoys the idea that she has this"rendezvous" with another man mayim genuvim yimtiku and wants to "show off" to another woman.
Or she's jealous that your wife has you and she does not.
You certainly have no control over that.
Daven well!
Whatever the case - Hatzlocho - we will be here to congratulate you, and we will be here if chas v'shalom you fail.

Thank you for your support I don't want you should look at my message as humility and I promise that I'm fully honest it's just a nature just the opposite I feel I'm in a worse situation than 99% of the people here cause we know that habu al eishis ish there's a machlukis in the gemura if you can ever do teshuva which I don't think we find such a statement on watching porn and masturbating and thank you again for your support and yes I do daven hard for everything but I don't feel they'll betray me the way I know them anyway they have just as much to lose if not more.

Hello 6545.I've been following your thread. I like your conviction. It sounds like you have what it takes. Perhaps your right that you can do it on your own. It doesn't sound like your an addict, rather your stuck in some really unhealthy relationships that you need to get out of. Which is a lil diff then most people here. You may be be diff then 99% of people here on the magnitude of what you did, but if your not an addict or you don't suffer from addictive behavior(which I don't know if you are or not) but if your not, then your better off than 99% of the people here. So maybe you can do it on your own. I don't think a therapist is the only way, rather a really smart person with a lot of experience can perhaps advise you what to do to break this relationship with the least harm coming to those around you. As anyone would ask advice on any big decision in life. Much hatzlocha!

6545 wrote:


If you are successful, we here will be cheering for you louder than anyone (although not loud enough that anyone hears )

We are all simply going based on what we have seen in our own lives and in the lives of many others here. None of us are Nevi'im, but at the same time, there are some here who have seen and been through so much, that their advice is definitely worth considering strongly.

Bottom line

Keep tapping into G-d.

Please keep in mind. He is Avinu Malkeinu. and look what's mentioned first AVINU

He is always our Tatte no matter how far we have strayed

Bow your head in tefillah, crying always helps and make a real hishtadlus.

Whatever its worth for to you know, I have been davening for you, and knowing these guys here I have no doubt others are doing the same.
Now you have koach hatzibur behind you.

hatzlacha rabah

First of all thank you for your support and for the support and advice from the whole family here. But now again thanks for breaking it clear I couldn't pinpoint it myself you broke it very clear to me I felt it but didn't know what it was I totally don't consider myself an addict I never watch porn it totally doesn't interest me and just out of nothing I don't feel that I have to masturbate it's just when I get turned on by them and I wanna go back I control myself that far and instead of going back I masturbate which I think is better then eishis ish and agree I do speak to an extremely smart settled person who guides me in a lot of various things business, shulem bias etc so I already broke this to him as well. Thank you again.

Thank you this is just as it says "You're not alone" we're one big family thank you all your ziches is huge.

I admire your strength and control. However, obviously your behaviors started to fill some void in your life, either emotionally or physically. You may be good now but when that same emptiness comes knocking on the door and the old feelings come creeping up, who knows what can happen. It's even worse when that which you did in the past is so easily attained. You must work to permanently fill the void with good things and work strongly on the root problems. This may be getting involved in activities, chesed, strengthening your marriage or freindships, whatever works for you. I suggest working strongly with the person who you say you speak to. It may be of help to anonymously contact a professional for some professional direction because of the complicated aspects of your issues (that's how I started).
Whatever you choose to do have much hatzlacha and remember that we are here for you.

I'm so surprised with this whole GYE everybody here is really into helping like one family and makes so much sense thanks tons to all of you.
BH my life changed a lot when I started with this s*** I was half day in kollel the other half trying to make money as of now bh I run my own business almost 24/7 with 3 employees my relationship with my wife is bh great now but I'm physically drained after a day work and there's no bein hazmanim so obviously that helps alot not to get in deeper and helps to get higher.

And to all my friends around here I wanna share with you very good news for me as said my biggest problem now was my neighbor cause phone calls, messages, emails I can block or ignore but a person in my face I can't for the first time they went to the country for the whole summer left today so if we won't have any communication for 2 months be"h after summer would be a whole different story which can be dealt with much easier if it'll be need be at all hopefully it'll need no work it'll be over forever!! Thank you hashem!!!

HI 6545,
Although, I cannot offer you advice, I just want you to know that I feel for you, I am so very afraid for you, your wife, your extra curricular women, and all the children involved. This sounds like a nuclear time bomb.
I wish you a great Mazel Tov on you new child, and daven to the RBS"O that you should be matzliach. We are all here for you and care so much about you because we know exactly how you feel.

HI 6545,

Again I am with you and feel your pain, and strength that you are planning to achieve be"h. Although I may be in line with most of the GYE family that you should reach out for help in more an intense way, i strongly agree with you for now that you should wait. If you feel strong that you can recover with minor help from here then you are for sure not ready to reach out for help. So maybe (and hopefully) you will succeed to prove us wrong, and you will be the one that crawled out from the depth of depth to above the water. As long the 'you' AND ONLY YOU DONT FEEL THAT YOU 'NEED' MORE HELP then this is a sign that in terms of reaching for help you are not yet at ROCK BOTTOM. But if god forbid you do not succeed on your own, then i beg please please reach out for help. Do not tell yourself that you tried everything and nothing works for me. rather tell yourself that I am normal and for such a problem NORMAL PEOPLE need more intense help.

I will tell you a story that i heard years ago. I think this about rav Benzion of Bobov z"l, who was known for having lots of success to save buchirim from going off the derech. One time he felt that a bochur is falling in Kedusha stuff. He called him in for a meeting and gave him a shmuzz about this. The bochur was crying and admitted that he had terrible falls, but promissed that he will never fall again.Rav BZ told him that he is almost sure that he will fall again, and the Bochur said no he means it serious and he is mekabel that he will never fall again. Rav BZ told the Bochur , I hope you will never fall, but I beg you if chas vesholem you fall , donot be embarrased to come back to me and we will work on it. unfurtanately the bochur fell a week later. Then he came back to rav BZ, so the rav said, OK now we can work on it together.

6545 I hope you are right and best wishes for success. But if chas vesholem you do nat succeed, we beg you come here and start with more intense help.

Again Hatzlacha on your recovery and Mazel tov on the birth of your new baby, with only lots of Nachas

It's great to hear that you are keeping yourself busy and that your relationship with your wife is great. As I said, you just need to fill the time and then give yourself leverage to work on yourself. Hopefully the 2 months will give you a good running start. It seems that you have yourself pretty much under control but being that there are others involved it is still complicated. Even if you are good yourself, all it takes is one small thing to blow it right back up. You may want to consider speaking to someone professionally on how to tie up all the loose ends and keep everything permanently in check. You don't want it to ever be dug up again. You also can't control what other people do which is very dangerous. When people let their emotions get the best if them they are unpredictable. I wouldn't want to put my well being in such people's hands.
Stay safe and great progress! Wishing you all the best! Once again, we are all here for you.

Thank you for your support and advise I do feel fully confident that I can pull it through, thanks for sharing the story it's a very powerful point, I wanna share with you something may sound funny but that gave me a big push and strength to see that I could do it I had a nesoyin the woman not in that place but I was alone with her in a safe place and I spoke to her I explained her that I'm not upset cause she thought it's cause of her it's just that we're children of hashem… she came over to me and I walked out if it would happened a week before it actually happened we would be longer together and stuff would of happened that message was clear and helped for just two days but again she couldn't let go of me but she knew it's not her fault so I was able to physical ignore her but in my head I couldn't and I did fail between me and hashem but be"h now that's the goal to clean my head and hopefully hashem will forgive me even for the worse sin.