cordnoy wrote:
As with all addiction, the shame comes out after the act. Sex itself is not entirely 'dignified,' but pornography and the associated 'acting out' represents a new humiliation: in crude terms, the victim of this passion realizes his utter weakness in indulging in this activity without another person, which is what the desire really is about. This realization also emphasizes the isolation of the pornic person, which both is the entry point of pornography (i.e. loneliness and feelings of weakness) and its eventual byproduct once it unites with the soul. It is a maddening circle of desire, acting out, shame, and then more acting out to escape the shame, which in turn leads to more guilt.
This can quickly degenerate to the point where the overwhelming sense of guilt colors not only all of the pornic man's relationships, but convinces him he is a 'pervert.' He is not really a pervert by nature, but he has been perverted by the passions. There is hope: we must always remember that addiction does not constitutionally change our humanity, but only temporarily distorts it in a way that can be recovered from.
I saw an amazing thing in Rabbi Michael Munk's book,
The Wisdom in the Hebrew Alphabet, in the section about aleph. An acrostic:
Aleph -- "adam", being a human being. Rabbi Nachman explain in LM6 that this is related to "shame".
Daleth -- "dibbur", speech.
Meim -- "maaseh", action.
There's a midrash that says "hineh tov meod" -- "hineh" is yetzer tov; "tov meod" is the yetzer hara.
meod:
Meim -- "maaseh", action.
Aleph -- "adam", being a human being. (Related to shame, kn''l)
Daleth -- "dibbur", speech.
Strange that "shame" is the door into the problem itself...and it seems like an often effective solution is to flip the order and tune into the YH, "acting before we start (oh dread) thinking", which is the idea with the distractions in TaPhSiC, for instance.
E: In truth, this is the only way around the YH, period...Our bodies, being physical, are always doing
something. The only way to achieve the uniquely "human" order, i.e. to make that "lag" where the action comes after the other parts, is by meanwhile doing something else, e.g. via TaPhSiC or by working the steps.
E2: Incidentally: "meod meod" -- these can stack. "adam" -- there's only one.
Also related: In email #625 the first tip brought down is not to let the action move into shame. "ignoration is the best medication". If I can't stop spelling "meod" before the action, stop spelling before the shame kicks in. If I can't stop before the shame, at least I shouldn't let it progress to speech (e.g. making excuses, blaming myself, etc.).
