I came to the realization, that my addiction to masturbation, fantasy and by extension, porn, is and has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. Here is why:

• It's always been there for me when ever I needed it.
• Its never told me "No".
• Its always making me feel good.
• Takes me to places I'd rather be instead of where I am.
• It cheers me up when I'm down.

My “best friend” has been with me for so long and I have spent so much time with it that I often feel that it is an intricate part of who I am.

What I am trying to say is how does one say goodbye to their best friend?

• I know it will be angry at the rejection.
• It will argue with me.
• It will even be patient with me, insisting that I will “take it back.”
• I know it will want to come back into my life, forcefully if need be.
• It will show up when I least expect it.
• I will miss it and long for it.
• I will remember it.

But the truth is, I want to take a new path in life and it can’t come along with me. This might be the hardest thing that I have to do in my life but it must be done.

I could Identify myself in your words. Well written, and to the point.

StartingOver wrote:


Excellent post!
Well written.

There was one point (of many) that made an impression on me, and that was your use of the pronoun "it." You refer to this disease/addiction as bein' an outside force of sorts.
Now, i am not gonna get involved here in the old discussion regardin' this, but I will say how I would write your last segment:

• I know I will be angry at the rejection.
• I will argue with me.
• I will even be patient with me, insisting that I will “take myself back.”
• I know I will want this part of me to come back into my life, forcefully if need be.
• I will show up with these wants when I least expect it.
• I will miss myself and long for this part of my life to return.
• I will remember me.

Now, why am I makin' a deal about this? Cuz it renders a different treatment. When viewed as an "it," we tend to think that we can block it out, place a barrier, "guard our eyes" and all will be well......(all of the above are good things to do, by the way); however, when "it" is viewed as part of my DNA, for that is how i fought rejection, anger, stress, loneliness, tiredness, rejection, etc. then it requires somethin' else entirely.....I need a new mindset and outlook on life...why am i gettin' angry? Because someone hurt the imperial me. Why does rejection hurt like so? Because it affects my pride. Why am I stressed? For I planned my life differently. If we begin to look at life usin' God's prism, and not ours, some of those attributes will fall by the wayside, and guess what? We won't be fightin' and strugglin' with lust....it will simply not be there.

thanks so much for the impetus.

b'hatzlachah