Please HaShem, help me and everyone else who wants or who wants to want to be clean.
Each day, every day, all day.
HaShem you know how much I struggle, you know how much we all struggle.
I ask of you dear Father in Heaven just one thing, please give us the strength to stay clean.
We just want to do the right thing, we just want to serve you.
Please keep us from getting involved in anything we should not be getting involved in.
You want us to, we want to as well.
We want to listen to you, dear father, please help us do so.
We don't deserve anything, we realize it is all from you.
Please just help us. We want to be helped.
We are willing to let you take over, we know we are in the best of hands.
Please, please listen to our heartfelt prayer.
Raise us up above all of this shmutz, let us completely forget these evil thoughts we have/had.
Continue please, to give us strength, never let us go.
Bind us tightly as harp strings, so that we may play beautiful music; now, we are like cut strings, which play no music and have no control when a wind comes and blows.
Please make us innocent as before we got involved in things we shouldn't have.
Hashiveinu H' eilecha v'nashuva chadeish yameinu k'kedem.
Please give us true joy of kibush hayetzer this Purim.
Thank you H' for this and for everything.

Nice!
thank you
What will we be doing towards that goal?

GYEmember wrote:


those who want to want have wishful thinking, and btw your idea of praying on Purim is very good and beneficial (seforim), however we have to do action in order to want to be/stay clean, its takes Mesiras Nefesh Mamash, to surrender ALL our desires and wantings to Hashem, good luck on the journey, and Happy Purim.

Sobriety is from Ma'ariv to Shacharis, Shacharis to Mincha, Mincha to Ma'ariv.

Each time I pray that I should be sober until the next time I daven.

I've tried gedarim, knasos, speaking to my rabeim, filtering software, the 90 days chart, among other things. I've tried working on the right mindset, keeping busy, and other things as well.
I am working on the one day at a time. I think I have achieved the mindset of one day at a time in another area of my life-waking up on time. I now need to achieve this mindset here as well.

I can still explore phone conferences, speaking to a certain therapist I was referred to who has a lot of experience with these matters, and speaking with a certain person who has many years sober whom I was referred to.

I am open to suggestions however.

Thank you everyone.

Btw, I WANT to be clean, not just want to want. I was just quoting what I often hear in a shmuz, that we have to at least want to want-that is the beginning.

Hi GYEM i really feel for you . You have an honest desire to be clean . You had tried many , many things. Just wanted to add two cents , take them or leave them. You know if you have an addiction and chances are you do have one, your real goal should not be "to stay clean " or "just to stay clean G.od nothing else" . You surely need much more than just staying clean. In reality "staying clean" can not and will not ever be a goal . In itself it is unreachable . Staying clean will always be a By-product of other real and reachable goals that you have to aim at. Those goals should be in the ambit of rewiring
your old way of thinking . Studying how do you react to whatever life brings to your door and having the correct predisposition to life. The result of all that will be you being clean.Hatzlacha !

My suggestion: Listen to New Action!

You have wonderful aspirations.
Your Tefilah is touching for its sincerity comes through your descriptive words.

Just my two cents.
There is a mention of serving him.
I believe you must expound/embellish this part.
Your sur mayrah is incredible. How about more va'aseh tov.

As servants of Hashem we want to serve him entirely.

A suggestion-
We are chained and thus so very limited because of this dreaded affliction. Take off our chains and renew our spirits o' G-d so we can soar and serve you without insecurities both Bein AdomLamakom and Bein Adom La'chavayro.

Have we through our struggles forgotten the worlds yet to explore? Real live spiritual ecstasy is still there for the taking. Do we still recognize and truly believe in them? Do we still yearn for them?

yiraishamaim wrote:


In my view, removal of our chains, link by link, is itself avdus laShem; it's not something we might be free to do after we remove our addiction. Our struggle against addiction is teshuva, is kabbalas ole Malchus Shamayim. With G-d's help, we will succeed in our endeavor to subjugate ourselves to His will.

Of course it is avodas Hashem.
When we learn Mesilas Yesharim we learn the whole sefer even if practically speaking we are still working on the first perek.
Why?
Because when we see the glory of what we can attain it helps be motivated. Now if we want real lasting success we must take it one step at a time to eventually get there.
The kid who wants to be in the NBA has Lebron and Jordan posters on his walls - even though his coach is helping him on the fundamentals.
If I know that the multi-colored world is there form the taking I just need to get over this incredible hump then I will make a yeoman's effort.( people who have sobriety for a significant time period keep up a program yes -but go on to live very productive lives well above and beyond the handling- if you will -of their addictive tendencies)
Yeah - I know - not walking around like a hungry animal is in itself insanely incredible. But when we daven to Hashem that we want clarity of mind and freedom from the shackles of addiction should we not think and mention what we will shoot for with this new found gift?

Yes, I believe my asay tov is my biggest struggle. I do learn I do daven, I do mitzvos, I love yidishkeit. I have what to keep myself busy with all day, yet it is hard for me to JUST DO THINGS. My therapist thinks I have ADHD, which causes me not to be motivated to do. I am working on getting medication for that.

I can feel for you for I also must have ADHD.

This leads me to being disorganized at times and my finances sometimes suffer accordingly.

Good luck to you. I think I have been less that fair with my comments. I have already about 4 months of sobriety. Even though I have light years of potential growth ahead of me the difference between my confidence now and when I started is in itself enormous.
Just remember that the gift of life has such capabilities. We can use our recovery and underachieve -be happy with a constant awareness of our struggle or as I've seen with some guys I know who are recovering gamblers and/or alcoholics.

THEY USE THEIR RECOVERY AS A SPRINGBOARD FOR A TRULY MEANINGFUL LIFE IN SO MANY WAYS.

needless to say one step at a time - one day at a time

I had a great ma'ariv, baruch H'.

I davened that I should be clean until I can daven shacharis.

I davened with kavana.

I realize now that my biggest impediment seems to be taking it one day at a time.

GYEmember wrote:


GREAT START ! ! Keep On Trucking !

Each day and moment is its own new start.