Shmuel Zev, The pain in your post is palpable. It took courage to post again after a fall - even though you haven tbeen here in a while. thats great. Keep in mind that as dark and bleak as it is, we are all in this struggle together and there are - maybe not today ... - so many bright spots. I have been back here for a little over three weeks and it has really made a difference in my life. I am amazed from the chevra here. The mesiras nefesh that the chevra here has to fight for - call it what you want - sanity, kedusha , etc. is simply inspiring. You wrote that really dark line about understanding why someone would want to end it all and that is something I can understand as well. But its the dark loneliness that does that. the oilam here makes it impossible to sink in that way. We are here.
