How many of us wish to believe that we are the exception? That we aren't a Sexaholic. I often think that way with regard to my alcoholism. There is only one reason that I think that way when it comes to alcohol. That reason is because I want to drink alcohol. Now ask yourself how crazy that thinking is. Ask yourself why you don't want to say your a sexaholic. There can only be a few possible reasons. All of which if you reflect on them honestly, you will find they are crazy.

Obviously everyone here isn't a Sexaholic. But to be honest with your self consider these passages from the Big Book of AA:

"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic."

"Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people." (or in our case have normal sexual relationships like other people.)

"To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time nor take the quantities some of us have." In other words you don't have to wait until you've messed up your entire life to get into recovery.

"Certain drinkers, who would be greatly insulted if called alcoholics, are astonished at their inability to stop."


Consider this true story, a man at a SA meeting recently said "it is demeaning to say I'm powerless or that I'm insane. I'm a very intelligent person, a talmud chacham and I have an advanced degree". Let me tell you about this man, he lost his wife, his kids and his job to this disease. His disease brings him to seedy areas and he places himself at risk of contracting harmful and even deadly diseases. He has no problem demeaning himself in the worse manner and placing himself at great risk, but he refuses to admit that he is powerless over lust because he considers it demeaning (so he can't get past step 1). And he thinks he's sane! About this person the Big Book says "The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death."

So true!! None of us want to have to look in the mirror and see, let alone say out loud, that we are sick. That we aren't perfect. It hurts at first, but once we can admit to ourselves and others, it's like a whole new world opens to us. I believe that's when recovery truly can begin.

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I struggle with that idea in my alcoholism. Daven to Hashem specifically for guidance on this issue. Hatzlacha!

May I offer a suggestion? The sex addicts in the news are the ones who get arrested, humiliated, and usually jailed. Who wants to think of themselves as being in that company?

The people posting on forums like this one...are NOT (yet) in that company. They are, perhaps, trying to "hit bottom while still on top". If that's the case, saying I am addicted to sex (or lust?) is an attempt to improve myself, not a statement that I've violated another person, Gd forbid.