Wow its amazing how good you feel when you know your not alone in the struggle and you find people here that you are not afraid to open up to ,

im so glad i found this place

And we are so glad as well.

Welcome, you are not alone.

b'hatzlachah

Early this morning I was wasting time on the Internet (questions like What were the exact contents of Cleopatra's barge? What is the average annual rainfall in the Amazon Basin? Who really put the bomp in the bomp a bomp bomP?) when I noticed the photo for one of the general-audience ads. A smiling female model was pretending to do something that is common on porn sites but not yet, Thank G-d, in public. Maybe in another 5 years, the way society is going.

No filter, no accountability software, nada. I felt as though a stranger had suddenly belted me in the solar plexus for no reason. I breathed out, hard, while I closed the web page I was on. Then IN...OUT...IN...OUT...breathing this way for maybe 6 or 7 times. Then up, away from the computer...

I totally agree with the people who advise working on one's spiritual life in general. What does it say about me that I don't fill my life, which is on loan from HaShem and will be recalled at any instant, with worthwhile thoughts and activities? Surfing the Net? Puh-leeze...

Anyway, just writing this my eyes are tearing up. It's not that I have no life experience. My wife died in front of me 8 months ago. My job includes trying to help people who have been beaten in the head with baseball bats learn to swallow properly and to communicate at some level. I'm not knowledgeable yet, but I davven "the soul You put into me is pure" every day. And right now, thinking that, I ask myself: Will there be time to clean up at least a little of the garbage I've covered it with?

Thanks to all the wonderful people who post on this site.

I am so sorry to hear Bout your troubles. And my you only know of happy things in your life from now and on.
You have helped many people in your life and that's a very great thing. Our soul is always pure and holy.
We have all looked at many things we should not have and wasted many hours on the Internet but Hashem still lives us and we are important and worthy.
Good luck in your recovery.