Hi Cords, Firstly, I was only speaking for my self which you probably realize anyway. I would think that if I don't feel I'm lacking anything, I won't have a desire for something I don't have. What I have or don't have isn't really the issue, is it? Isn't the issue how I look at life? Am I restless, irritable and/or discontent? If so why am I that way? How about when I leave a business meeting and I'm feeling euphoric as you mention. And I come out and see a maidle I like and objectify her. Maye I'm even objectifying her more than usual, because I'm in the heightened excited state. For me personally I could perhaps ask myself as follows:

Why am I lusting after this woman, don't I have everything going for me? Then I might actually look at what I have going for me, parnasa, wife, children. I'd probably stop right there and stop lusting.

Lets take it after the fact. I came out of the meeting and had a huge desire for someone other than my wife. (btw I'm sure this would happen to me, I'm not taking a theoretical - this is me and I'm not close to spiritually healed) I guess maybe I'd analyze it like this:

Why did I lust after this girl when I'm not lacking anything? Well, I must be lacking something, I'd think. I just came out of a meeting and I was in a good mood, euphoric in fact. But, why am so I euphoric? Because I accomplished XYZ. Sounds like my ego ego ego. I didn't go into that meeting as a humble employee of Hashem seeking to do His Will and now I'm happy and euphoric that I carried His Will out. If I was intent on doing God's Will with his power, I'd come out humbled and with gratitude to Hashem. I come out of that meeting feeling like God has helped me do His will, and especially if I'm euphoric about it, I don't think I'd be looking at one of His children in a demeaning way a minute later. Does that mean I won't have a natural desire, I doubt it. But, it wouldn't be directing my actions. So it must be that I went into that meeting and came out of it an egotistical, self-centered person. I probably went into it with a lot fear. For me my biggest euphoria is often preceded by a huge fear of failure. Then when the win comes, it's all the more exciting.

Does that help, or did I miss the question?

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BTw, I'm understanding that we are talking about a situation where the lust is controlling the person. If we are asking if there is a point where we are so spiritually fit that we don't even think twice about a trigger, I got no idea. We'd have to ask an old timer (but not too old, lol).


Another point that I was thinking about earlier is, what am I engaged in? Am I engaged in lust or in recovery? I get very hyper focused on things. So when I'm focused on recovery, not much else can get in. You ever take the kids to an amusement park, but not go on the rides? I have many times. When I was younger, I was there for them, but wanted to be there for me. I wanted those rides. Now, when I go, I have zero interest in those rides. I mean I'm happy to ride, if the kids want but I'm not engaged in the amusement park. I can be in recovery, go to meetings, do step work, but it's not what my mind is engaged in. I'm doing step work thinking about how long I can last til my next fall. ....

"I'm not even going to realize how I did it. I might say, how'd I do that? ... God, I'm His tool. God gave me that image. The purpose is for my people. This man looks slow. God made this man look like a little kid. The so called "right hand" ain't nothing now. I'm gonna walk right into him. I'm gonna take his shots, because I have God on my side. I'm thinking that my people are free and I can help with just one fight. Now he looks little in comparison to what I'm getting from it. He ain't nothing now. But if I think about me. Me and George Foreman. He knocked out Joe Frazier like he was God. George Foreman knocked out Ken Norton. The press ranked me to tire out. I'm not looking at the world and what they say. My God controls the world!" Muhammad Ali talks about upcoming fight with George Foreman in 1974.

Just a suggestion for those who find they aren't making progress on the 90 day chart and now not sharing, because they feel there is no point to share every day that they failed. Give the 90 day chart a break. Just delete it or whatever for now. Forget about falling or not, don't even mention it. Start sharing, but share every day about what you did for recovery today. Personally I think I'll take that suggestion myself anyway. So here it goes:

Yesterday for my recovery, I parked my car in a far spot at the gym, so the next person could have the closer spot. This helps me in my recovery because it gets me out of myself and focused on others.

By the way, if you plan to take my suggestion please let me know, because I would like to follow your thread and it makes me feel good to know .

hatzlacha!

What a great idea!

serenity wrote:


This is very beautiful serenity.
לעולם ירגיז אדם יצר הטוב על יצר הרע.

And i think it shows how noble and special you are. KUTGW !!!

I'm not sure that I did anything today solely for the purpose of recovery. Tomorrow is another day.

Today, just for recovery I spoke to my sponsor because I was upset about something. I didn't think I was going to act out over it, but I didn't want to take that chance. I also did some step work and made some other program related calls.

serenity wrote:
I like this idea!

today for recovery, I made a good faith effort and took steps to resolve a dispute that I could have just ignored.

It's getting to a point for me where it's difficult to always check for and look at reply posts. I would imagine it's the same for many people. It is important to me to me to listen to someone directing a comment at me, and for people to listen to me when directing as comment at them. So if we don't see someone responding in our thread, we shouldn't think they are ignoring us. They probably just have the time to read through a substantial amount of replies every. If we want a response, we can post on their thread or message them. Btw, I'm sure this is elementary to most people here. I'm just very compulsive with these types of things.

serenity wrote:


I see that for your recovery you are looking to better yourself in general and not just specifically in the lust areas. I agree with the approach and I like it that you are taking the high road on your recovery. I respect you and I hope to learn from you.

Thanks Hashiva, I appreciate that. It's hard enough not to act on our natural impulses even when we are spiritually healthy. By spiritually healthy I mean when we are appreciative of our lot in life, comfortable in our skin, content, and have a clear conscious, etc. When we are restless, irritable and discontent, do we have a chance (not spiritually well)? And even if we can remain abstinent, will we be happy and productive father, son, brother, teacher or boss? I want as clean of a slate as possible in my personal affairs and I don't want to add anything if I can avoid it. So if someone is a jerk to me and I respond in kind, we end up with two losers. I may bot be able to control him but I can control me .

Heading to an SA meeting.

Hatzlacha!

Today for sobriety I brought my wife her computer when she asked me to. I didn't want to do it and I was feeling like she should get it herself. I get resentful sometimes when she asks me to do stuff for her that she could do herself. I thought it would be good for my sobriety to do it, so I did.


By the way this exercise can be done in 2 ways. One way is to just list something we did for sobriety, it can be program related or not. The other way is that I list things that aren't necessarily program related and I wouldn't otherwise do them, but for sobriety I'm willing to do it. If that makes sense.

serenity wrote:


For sure it makes sense. With regard to Hashivali's comment above , the plan of action of the man in recovery is always being on the watch from selfishness , dishonesty,resentment, fear, etc. Sobriety from lust would come as the result of above watching. This is the whole Torah.

For me I find that when I am unable to do the things that usually make me fulfilled with my accomplishments or with anything that I was planing or wanted to do, I fall into yiush and that could make me act out. I think my job in such cases is to make lemonades of whatever types possible with all and any of the lemons I am handed.