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Glad to be here
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TOPIC: Glad to be here 88766 Views

Re: Glad to be here 30 Mar 2015 01:33 #251508

  • serenity
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LOL. We serve pizza and all talk about how we should be in OA while we eat it.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Glad to be here 30 Mar 2015 02:09 #251513

  • serenity
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Busy, long day today. Feeling accomplished but tired. Maybe I'll share here, write in my journal and then go to sleep. Went to an AA meeting in the morning, visited an alcoholic in the psych ward detoxing and went to breakfast with a fellow alcoholic in recovery. managed to stop home and take out the garbage before heading to the gym. I had a lot to do at the gym so I was there for awhile. Took my son shopping for Pesach clothing in the late afternoon/early evening. Picked up 3 young men from a rehab and drove them to an AA meeting tonight. One of the Jewish guys at the rehab asked me if he and 3 or 4 guys could come over for second seder. We'll see if that works out or not on my end (aka wife and family) and on the rehab's end.

Thanks for listening.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Glad to be here 30 Mar 2015 02:11 #251514

  • cordnoy
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Wow!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Glad to be here 30 Mar 2015 13:47 #251530

  • serenity
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Made it to shachris minyan this morning, got to work early and doing 4th step work. What could be better?
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Glad to be here 30 Mar 2015 14:29 #251533

  • Hashivalisesonyishecho
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serenity wrote:
Made it to shachris minyan this morning, got to work early and doing 4th step work. What could be better?


This gladdens my heart. I love to hear things working out well. May Hashem help us all always.

Re: Glad to be here 30 Mar 2015 15:16 #251539

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"It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours
that might have been worth while. But with the sexa­holic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is in­finitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of lust returns and we act out again. And with us, to act out is to die. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for sexaholics these things are poison."

Adapted from Big Book of AA Page 66

At first I thought this applied more to alcoholics than sexaholics. I mean one of the excuses people give in saying that SA doesn't work for them is that they aren't facing death if they act out. Lets face for many an addict we need the threat of death to work the program, even that isn't enough for some.

Reading it slowly, I think it applies at least as much and maybe more to sexaholics, especially those of us who are religious. The Book is talking about a spiritual death here. It says "we found that it (resentment) is fatal. Why? "For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit." It's fatal because we are shutting ourselves off to spiritual enlightenment. And for us, yidden, we can apply it a step closer and say, it's fatal because we shut ourselves off to the shechinah, to God. The Book continues "for us to act out is to die". It doesn't say the acting out (or the drink) will cause or lead to our death, although it may, it says the act itself is death. "To drink is to die." If we want spiritual life it has to be one without resentment and anger, because we can't handle those things and they shut us off to God. We can only have recovery when we are open to God.

This perhaps gives me some insight into why seeking God through Judaism didn't help me in my addiction. Although I was pursuing God and Yiddishkeit, I wasn't tending to my resentments (and fears), which are at the foundation of my addiction. I was reaching out to Hashem, but didn't see that I was building a huge brink wall at the same time. It was like I was punching out bricks and letting light through and then repairing the wall right after.

Thanks for listening.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Glad to be here 30 Mar 2015 15:25 #251542

  • Hashivalisesonyishecho
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serenity wrote:


This perhaps gives me some insight into why seeking God through Judaism didn't help me in my addiction. Although I was pursuing God and Yiddishkeit, I wasn't tending to my resentments (and fears), which are at the foundation of my addiction. I was reaching out to Hashem, but didn't see that I was building a huge brink wall at the same time. It was like I was punching out bricks and letting light through and then repairing the wall right after.

Thanks for listening.


I think your seeking through Judaism did help. Haboh litaher mesayin oso. Hashem has given you the tools which help and has given you the insight to apply them.

Re: Glad to be here 30 Mar 2015 15:34 #251543

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For sure!
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Glad to be here 30 Mar 2015 21:53 #251555

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Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote:
serenity wrote:


This perhaps gives me some insight into why seeking God through Judaism didn't help me in my addiction. Although I was pursuing God and Yiddishkeit, I wasn't tending to my resentments (and fears), which are at the foundation of my addiction. I was reaching out to Hashem, but didn't see that I was building a huge brink wall at the same time. It was like I was punching out bricks and letting light through and then repairing the wall right after.

Thanks for listening.


I think your seeking through Judaism did help. Haboh litaher mesayin oso. Hashem has given you the tools which help and has given you the insight to apply them.



In other words Judaism or not Judaism G.OD WAS SEEKING YOU !

Re: Glad to be here 30 Mar 2015 23:46 #251558

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Sounds right to me.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Glad to be here 14 Apr 2015 16:18 #252250

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Haven't checked in for awhile. I feel like I'm on cruise control, which makes me nervous. I hope I'm not becoming complacent. I B"H haven't had any particularly challenging events. I don't know if I'm just dealing with things better or if things just happen to be going smoothly right now. I find myself having a thought pop into my head that I would like to see my 90 day chart numbers go up and I would like to accumulate time more quickly in SA, but I immediately correct those thoughts. 1. My new sobriety date did not set me back to where I was, so that I should have a need to get back there again. I continue to grow and my lapses are a part of my growth. 2. The reason those thoughts pop into my head is because my ego is hurt and I seek validation from others. I think that a ribbon or a trophy will cause people to think highly of me, which simply isn't true. How I behave and exist as a person is what's important. The subtle changes in my personality that are not even noticed by me, but are seen in me by others and pointed out to me by them in their words and behavior is my validation. 3. I need to focus on today and the daily reprieve from the obsession of lust that Hashem has given me. Where I will be in six months is none of my &%#@! business (to borrow a phrase from Cordnoy).

So, God show me what your Will is for me today and allow me the ability to fulfill it as best I can.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Glad to be here 14 Apr 2015 18:32 #252257

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Excellent outlook serenity , this was a great post. KUTGW and KOT !

p.s.by the way no need for borrowing phrases you were doing just fine.

Re: Glad to be here 15 Apr 2015 10:59 #252318

  • cordnoy
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newaction wrote:
Excellent outlook serenity , this was a great post. KUTGW and KOT !

p.s.by the way no need for borrowing phrases you were doing just fine.


yes; good advice; and if you need to borrow phrases, try from the other fellows.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Glad to be here 15 Apr 2015 11:14 #252320

  • cordnoy
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serenity wrote:
On another note, today I was working on step 4. The AA Big Book (BB) asks me to look at where my faulty character lead me to be angry at a person. The BB suggests I look at my mistakes, Where was I: selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? In other words just looking at my own behavior I can find why I'm angry and resentful at a person, idea or institution. What comes it is that I'm a selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and/or fearful person; maybe more one than the other. So let me ask you something, is it any wonder I seek escape in the form of lust and fantasy (or in some other form.) What person who is selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and/or frightened wouldn't seek escape? That's why we need to get to the route cause of our anger and resentments to become emotionally sober people. This is probably elementary to many people here. For me it took, many many hours of step work and 20 months in 12-step programs (20 months AA and 6 months SA)to understand. Not that I needed to understand it in order to do it and I'm sure more understanding will come, but it's nice to be able to see how it makes sense.

Why did I write this out here, lomed? When you spoke about looking at women at weddings, I started to think about what to say about that. I mean I don't think anyone will say the 90 chart was violated, but it's lustful behavior. Do we address and quash the lustful behavior? Is that always our focus? Are we obsessed with lust, even when we are recovering? Did I lust, didn't I lust? Did I look 2 seconds or 4 seconds? etc etc. Maybe we can use opportunities like this, not to dwell on if they were a technical violation, but to look at ourselves honestly and say what's causing our lust?

For me in the example of the women at the wedding, maybe I would ask myself. What's lacking in my life, that I have this need to look at this woman? What am I escaping from? Where am I discontent with what I have? I might answer that, I'm afraid my life isn't going so well. I think I could have done better for myself. I'm afraid this world is it, and I'm missing out on the pleasures. I'm afraid that when I'm old, I'll regret how I lived life. Then maybe I will ask Hashem to show me his will and surrender myself to His plan. Maybe I'll be comforted to know that He is with me and has a plan for me. Maybe that will assuage my fears. Maybe I'm still overwhelmed and afraid and I need look more at my relationship with God. Maybe I need to pray. Maybe a review of steps 2 and 3 is in order. Maybe I need to sit down and work on step four and list my fears, so I can see how much fear effects my decisions. I guess that's one way my experience could go. How do you think it might go for you?

Hatzlacha!


What happens if one is not necessarily lackin' in life, or at least, not in his present actual situation? what happens when you get that feelin' of rush and desire upon leavin' a very successful meetin'? There was no discontent; only a euphoria of sorts. There was no need to escape....what is the 'explanation' then?

Thanks
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Glad to be here 15 Apr 2015 12:18 #252323

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cordnoy wrote:


What happens if one is not necessarily lackin' in life, or at least, not in his present actual situation? what happens when you get that feelin' of rush and desire upon leavin' a very successful meetin'? There was no discontent; only a euphoria of sorts. There was no need to escape....what is the 'explanation' then?

Thanks


As a notorious over eater that i am ( pesach was very challenging for me ), i can tell you that we of overeaters (not anonymous ) eat when we are sad and when we are happy , when nervous or when bored , when we are tense or when we are calm. Every occasion is an occasion to eat. Euphoric ? You bet.
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