i am going 2 israel for sukkos. if anyone wants, they can post names of ppl i should daven for at the kosel. if u prefer, u can email me at iam24zman@gmail.com instead (its my gye email). spread the word, i will print out the list of names, i will also have email in israel so u can keep them coming.

it is also my first time going to israel, literally the main thing that i am looking forward to is davening at the kosel, i want 2 pour out my heart so badly there.

ROCK ON BRO!

how was everyone's y"k? mine was AWESOME. (take that word in its literal context, as in full of awe, not as in a lot of fun).

i have this issue with crying, i have a hard time shedding those tears. i actually had a an 11th grade rebbi who told me that crying never goes unanswered, he told me this shortly after i told him i liked guys. i was thinking "great, b/c i can never cry".

this y"k was different. because i have been much more honest with myself recently, i kinda opened up to myself. i was really into the tefillos and at a certain point in davening i couldn't STOP crying. it wasn't depressed crying, it was a positive action, showing hashem i really cared and wanted to make a difference this upcoming year. i think i came to the realization that hashem is the one who gave me the tests, and he also is the only one who can allow me to pass them. i felt like i made myself submit to hashem and his will. it was actually a really freeing experience, even though i was giving up control. which is weird because i felt liked i gained some control, or at least that i know that since hashem is in charge i am going to be safe.

YTC everyone!

im going to israel tomorrow for the first time. AHHHHHH! i'm so excited! im also going to go to an sa meeting there probably, i got in touch with someone through this site. I AM SOOOOOO NERVOUS. any tips for a first timer (israel and sa)?

Enjoy!

But don't get caught up in all this spiritual hocky pocky. Remember to be always on Guard, one day at a time!

dms1234 wrote:


what do you mean, "spiritual hocky pocky"?

I mean sometimes we think we are so holy that we are above this and we can never fall, even in that state. But thats not true. Usually that holiness that we are feeling is really just inspiration, which is good but we cant rely on inspiration. It won't help us always. Some guys, including, find that right after holy times (like the holidays or a trip to Israel) is hard when we get back because we were soooo inspired. How we could ever slip or fall? This is just our mind tricking us.

Just saying be careful, not worried, but careful.

Have a safe trip, and please daven for me.

I thought "Hocky Pocky" is that thing that Canadians put on the ice and whack with bent sticks.

hey gevura, that's not nice... americans (like me) play hockey too. although i play goali so im not really whacking any pucks, im gkinda getting whacked by pucks (and sticks on occasion)

going 2 airport soon so my next post on this thread is prob gonna be from israel!

Maybe he meant "Hokey Pokey". That's what it's all about...

wow. i haven't heard that song in a long time!

Thats hockey, thank you very much. THE BEST SPORT IN THE WORLD!

SHALOM! im sitting in israel typing this... so here's how its going... i feel like i haven't posted in a year

on the flight to israel when i first saw the israeli shore, i was flipping out was taking pictures like crazy. about my flight, it was very solid, but i had to sit next to a lady who smelled SO BAD, it was actually her perfume that was awful, not b.o. or anything. it was a real "au de toilet".

i went to the kosel my first night there and i davened my heart out. i didn't get that spiritual feeling from being in the kosel plaza and i dont think nowadays we can feel kedusha anyways, we get artificial emotions but i dont think we can actually FEEL kedusha. (that is just my opinion wtvr). but i still davened my heart out, for me and all the people on my list, i cried to hashem to let me conquer my sa and ssa and for the listmembers for their respective needs, (amongst the needs were sa, marriage, to have kids, and health). i also davened maariv there and said shmona esrai with a lot of kavanah. my friend took a pic of me but i refuse to smile for pics by the kosel, i wont do it until the beis hamikdash is there in its entirety, bimiheirah biyamainu.

i am staying in the old city and i have to say that y"t was excellent, i am loving the atmosphere of israel, the ppl here are happy with so much less, its amazing. additionally, from being in various neighborhoods all over yerushalayim, i feel that the environment is so much more fertile for spiritual growth then any where that i have been before. at least in the various neighborhoods i have been in, i see that ppl here love judaism and they dont look like they just follow the rules begrudgingly. one of my biggest sheetas is that judaism isnt a religion, its life and u should love life, u should love davening, learning, doing chesed etc. when i walk through the streets and i hear kids singing songs about succos, i feel like i am on target with my assessment. also the families here seem to revolve so much more about yiddishkeit then in america, whether they be chassidish, litvish or daati leumi, there are many paths of frumkeit and they all have their lives wrapped around judaism.

call me naive but i feel like in america, the term "modern" generally means less frum ( a "modern" person agreed with me on this), but in israel "daati leumi" does not mean less frum at all, and that is a new experience for me. in my yeshiva i am doing well, but it is a bit intense and ridged, in israel i have felt so much more peacefull, i cant really describe it. no i did not get caught up with the spiritual "hockey pockey" (thnx dsm), i have been thinking rationally about this the whole time. i feel that israel is the best place to grow in yiddishkeit and i think that i want to stay here quite a while (i have many siblings here, so loving israel runs in the genes).

additionally, i plan on going to at least one sa meeting here, and so far i have been clean the entire time. i feel like one setback about israel is the party atmosphere that some young guys/girls reinforce. i actually find it really wrong that guys go to "yeshiva" to hang out with girls on ben yehuda. i personally am not a party guy (i used 2 be) and therefore i dont feel like that would be a hard challenge for me.

this is all really elementary and i would like the esteemed gye family to say their opinions. i am trying to be as rational as possible, but i think that i want 2 come back as soon as i can. doing so would entail me leaving my therapists behind (i only really care about leaving one, the other i just started going 2) but there are many options available here, and i personally know ppl that have made major strides in overcoming ssa with therapy here, whether that have conquered it completely or if they are well on their way. also since sa is available here, and i was told it's "much better" then sa in america, i feel like i could work out my sa as well.

KOT everyone! YTC!

Shlomo24 wrote on 28 Sep 2014 22:31:

Shlomo; You're ok. You're a good man with a good heart. Just because you watched porn doesn't mean that you aren't trying. You have a disease that causes you to do these things. It's not your fault. God loves you, more than anyone else in the world, even during aseres yimey teshuvah. What you have to do is pick yourself up and be of service. Connect to God, because he is the only one that can restore you to sanity. You're powerless, it's a fact. There is no shame about it, God made you that way. He has never done anything wron gto you in your entire life. One day you will look back at this moment and you will see all the good that God has implanted in your life and why this night was good itself. I love you Shlomo. I hope you love yourself.

(This is a post of gratitude to GYE, SA, and God. I would like to exit, for now, on a good note).