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TOPIC: Marriage 15903 Views

Re: Marriage 04 Feb 2015 20:20 #248193

  • cordnoy
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Appearance wrote:
newaction wrote:

even if she doesnt exactly know my addictions , she has lost all respect


They know all about us.
They are like a GPS.


You might be right on that.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Marriage 04 Feb 2015 21:43 #248202

  • newaction
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Today i have advanced a bit in my knowledge since i wrote what appearance quoted from me and added the gps and cordnoy agreed to .
Yes they have an excellent gps . Nevertheless they dont always know some or more of the details. My wife knows that i browse the Gye site and that i read and write in the forums and that i could join once in a while in telephone conference. And she sees that this things somehow are doing something good to me and to the environment at home. So not only she doesnt mind it she encourages me doing these things . But as the AA book writes and as the experience of some guys here at the site proved to be, as a general rule it is not advisable to tell your wife in detail because she my get hurt.As the big book says in page 74 " The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but considerate of others". Unless somebody with enough credentials advises otherwise.
Thanks appearance and cordnoy for the insightful comments .

Re: Marriage 05 Feb 2015 00:00 #248207

  • Appearance
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New action, Do you know something.
My wife smells everything that I do.
She knows perfect, what I do, when I do, where and what time.
Something that bothers me too much is that she has registered to the "jizuk" Mails!
If I write in the forum she get my notifications !!

This cause me a serious marital problems. And trouble being honest in my posts.

BH, now, she don't receives nothing.

Re: Marriage 05 Feb 2015 03:28 #248214

  • cordnoy
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Once your wife knows, it is important not to hide stuff.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Marriage 05 Feb 2015 13:47 #248225

  • newaction
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OK my friend Appearance . I am assuming you have a good and truthful point . What i am supposed to do with your information . Thank G-D i dont have to hide anything today as per Cordnoy . But enlighten me more please , i would like to learn , thanks .

Re: Marriage 05 Feb 2015 15:30 #248227

  • Hashivalisesonyishecho
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Newaction, I just for the first time saw this amazing thread of yours. I read through it from beginning to end and I am humbled. You have made an amazing journey and have been mekabel malchus shomayim in the understanding of the first step of the 13 step program. I mean the Rambam's 13 ikarim. I would like to learn from you. May hashem help all of us with this, including me.

Re: Marriage 05 Feb 2015 17:20 #248233

  • newaction
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My friend Hashiva i humbly accept your compliments , but i really dont know what you saw . I wish and and pray that i would have one percent of what you wrote that would be great . anyways reading the forums in gye is one of the tools ; you are definitely making a lot of progress and very fast , we are proud of you ! KUTGW !

Re: Marriage 11 Feb 2015 14:34 #248509

  • newaction
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Resentment is the "number one" offender.AA page 64. Somebody asked a loan from me to be paid Erev of Last Rosh Hashana. He did not pay. After a couple of months he paid half, explaining that soon to be ,really very soon . now now now he gathers the money and pays the other half.Now we are at the end of Shvat , next week is adar and still no money at the horizon.
He doesnt answer my calls , he doesnt call me either in short no word from him. He owes seventeen thousand Shekels. its quite a bit . I need to use this money that this man is not paying. Last week i started to feel the resentment taking over ; i even got sick with a type of fissure in my kishkes like an ulcer. Now i am thinking how am i going to get my money from this "Ganov", Chutzpadik, etc:angry: . I am dealing B"H with success with an overweight problem i have; in short I was getting Obsessed by this utter indifference from this person thinking i know he collects money from Chu"L i am going to call and let them know what type of criminal they are dealing with and so on and so forth. My defenses were going down , suddenly i find out that the street is full of ladies , "hey where did all this women come from " ?loads and loads of them all over the city ! suddenly i find myself indulging in food that i kept off limits. i lost my serenity and peace of mind.I was going down. I got sick with an ulcer.
Some good soul of a man told me to look in the AA book page 552 :

'If you have resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don't really want it for them and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it everyday for two weeks, and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate, understanding and love.'

Rabosai that is what i did about this man . I am davening : Misheberach ... Hu Yevarech et Mr M.E. that owes me 17,000 shekels (dont know his mother's name) that he should have ... berachos , parnosa , nachas from all his children , etc, etc,.

No i will not say that he called me and paid , because he did not . But i did a tremendous favor to my soul my body and my connection to Hashem . My serenity is coming back to me . my ulcer is gone. And i am back to be happy again. I could have done harm to this man if i would have made some phone calls . Thanks to G.od a million times I did not . And by the way ...
the streets became again empty from women... well almost.

Re: Marriage 11 Feb 2015 15:19 #248510

  • belmont4175
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Newaction! I'm not trying to bash the book, the source is in the Torah especially for this issue, see the Rishonim (Sporno) this week on the Posuk: Ve'Shomati Ki Chanun Ani.
הסיבה שיש דברים קשים העוברים עליך היא בגלל שהאדם חושב כי "אני עומד" שהוא מנהל הכל,
ברגע שיתן הכנעה כי השי"ת מנהיג הכל אז כבר אפשר להתמודד עם הקשיים. שמעתי מאדם גדול

If life is a LEMON make LEMONADE

Thank You Hashem for every moment of Sobriety!

Re: Marriage 11 Feb 2015 15:35 #248511

  • newaction
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I agree with you . did not know the sforno but you dont have to go all that far . start from "Lo Tikom" which even a five year old knows. Nekama , Anger,כעס , etc .
Very sadly we all knew these things . Somehow after we passed what we passed in life there is a way of looking at it from a different vintage point . Now when i read our Mekoros i appreciate them better nevertheless they were there all the time . I hope you understand what i mean. The fact is we , most of us knew a lot of Torah and still fell to very low things which are explicit all over. I dont know i am explaining myself .
I would call it אם יש חכמה בגוים תאמין . Please try to understand me even if i dont explain myself well

Re: Marriage 22 Feb 2015 15:54 #249162

  • cordnoy
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Mazel tov on your new milestone!

Mei'chayil el chayil.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Marriage 16 Mar 2015 04:38 #250582

  • newaction
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Being at this moment in a 5+ star hotel in Chutz laartetz doing some work . I have another week more to stay. My friend insisted I go stay by him out of the hotel . For two reasons : The swiming pool and Pritzesdik ladies arriving every night to the hotel lobby. He was G.od sent specifically these two things were bothering my peace of mind. Tomorrow i am checking out "Kol Od Nafshi Bi". This Shabat is a very special one , we are taking out three Sifre Torah from the Heichal; looking forward .

Re: Marriage 16 Mar 2015 09:45 #250591

  • cordnoy
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you did what?
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Marriage 16 Mar 2015 14:48 #250611

  • newaction
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BE"H i am checking out of the hotel to move to my friend's house until the end of my stay. Thanks for inquiring Cordnoy . Got to go now . All the very best.

Re: Marriage 16 Mar 2015 18:13 #250622

  • Dov
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belmont4175 wrote:
Newaction! I'm not trying to bash the book, the source is in the Torah especially for this issue, see the Rishonim (Sporno) this week on the Posuk: Ve'Shomati Ki Chanun Ani.


There is a great advantage to knowing where to find these things in the Torah. The sources are pure and (even though they are human and do make errors) are far less likely to have subtle mistakes in them that may lead us off the derech, have deeper meanings that can increase our yir'as Shomayim in other ways as well, and it is a mitzva of talmud Torah at the same time.

But...

Frum addicts - especially when we are in active addiction - are actually not people whose great excitement is yir'as Shomayim. Our behavior demonstrates something about us. Sure, we all get sentimental and serious about Torah and yir'as Shomayim, even often sob during davening, can have sincere charota and a wish to be great d'veikim baShem. But if that really were our true emotional 'schoira' (currency), then we would not be sneaking (at great cost and risk) to find our sweet internet porn whenever left alone with unfiltered internet; we would not be more preoccupied with wresting with the yetzer hora of looking at that pretty shiksa near us on the bus than with anything else; we would not be chronically masturbating ourselves to images that we know feel far more precious, desired, needed, and beautiful to us than anything else we could imagine.

I am not referring to guys who occasionally come to tayvos or even zera levatola (whether by masturbating themselves or having willful wet dreams) once in a while. I am not referring to the normal thing Chaza"l are referring to, the yetzer hora all have. I'm talking about sex addicts - to the many of us here who know exactly what I mean when I refer to that thrill in the belly when we start the chase, the shortness of breath, dry mouth and shaking hands while we hide and sneak another desperate and precious look at porn when no one is around; the terror of feeling we "Oh, no! I just went a tiny drop too far this time again! Oy!" (and it happens).

So while the Torah sources are deep, good and safe - they really do not address a sickness to the addict. They don't speak the language of a crazy person. They should not! They address bechira and goodness or badness. They address what should be, not what is - for the truly sick man.

So I and many other addicts (frum or not) would much rather hear the truth from a drunken goy who is sober, than from ant Rishon. They b"H cannot possibly know what it's like. For it is not information that we drunks need...that we have plenty of! It's experience and real, live faith from experience that we crave and are often shocked to find actually exists!

Thank goodness!
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
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