Pomodoro, I'd like to extend a belated shalom aleichem!

Don't know how I missed your thread until now. But your posts are deep and enlightening.

How ya doing these days?

Hello again, pals.
I've been out for some days on holidays, and after that short period I am here again willing to continue with this forum and talk about my life, struggle and thoughts.
In my holidays I have had everything, good moments of peace of mind, and lust and pain in other occasions. I have not been free of them, but I have endure them with the power of God and I have been able to go on.
I thank everyone that have re-posted me and left their impressions.
Now, I must clarify some points.
Cordnoy, dd, Dov, newaction, when I refer to "sexual pleasure", I mean "sexual pleasure".
Is it the kind of sexual pleasure which a person feel when they are fantasizing in masturbation, when they are looking lustfully to images, when they prepare their lusty day even in the morning in bed... the same kind of pleasure you experience with your wife/spouse/partner when you are engaged in sexual practices?
Think about that, the first thing is LUST, the second thing is sex.
Only lust produces "sexual pleasure" or rather "psychological sexual pleasure", in our bodies.
You could call it "ECSTASY", or "TRANCE-LIKE STATE", which in no way is a necessary thing in our lifes.
Every other kind of pleasure obtained through sex is completely other thing.
This "sexual pleasure" is what takes our minds and bodies captives and under its control, under its grasp.
In my last post I refer to be aware of our mindsets IN and OUT. I also want to say that sometimes we are not aware of "how much tolerancy of our lusty condition we allow to ourselves".
We know we are going through a harsh condition with porn, but some times we consider this as "normal", "within the normality", "something that time will vanish".
No, no and no. We musn't tolerate this tolerance (notice the repetition).
This is, in no way "normal" and we have to fight against this laxity ALWAYS.
This can be obtained mainly, by being aware of our mindsets every time we are IN, and every time we are OUT.
Noticing what we are expericencing in this state,every single "straw", apart from our sad and despair.
We must work on ourselves in that sense and see what imperfections have led us to the regrettable situation we are now.
Maybe we will discover inside us greed, envy, irritability, concern, ambition, vanity, deceit, anger, laziness, impulsiveness, pride, curiosity, idleness, discourgement and so on and on and on, as many imperfections as stars are in the sky.
Only by being aware of our inner flaws and errors, [[which always accompany to lust]] we will be able to find our true inner self, which is free of lust, overcome our errors, and live according to the condition we all have been created, which is "true well-being with ourselves".
By the way, cordnoy, you have not been in any way too hard with me, neither, I think, you are off the mainstrean of this forum. We all are here to express our oppinions and suggest ways to recovery of lusty conditions.
And I liked the prayer you posted in you last remark.
Now,I encourage everyone to keep in the fight, and I make everyone remember that WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF "OUT" AND HATE PORN AND LUSTY THOUGHTS, YOU ARE ALREADY, ALREADY "OUT". THIS IS SOMETHING VERY, VERY PRECIOUS, SO, BE WILLING TO ENJOY IT NOW AND "FOR ALL THE ETERNITY".

Good to have you back.

I apologize, but I am slow.

Please (if you want) explain (in short) what your point is.
I am not lookin' back at our previous discussion, so as to start fresh.

if you don't want, you don't have to....whatever.

You should have hatzlachah in your recovery.

19 DAYS. That is my new record. 19 days without entering into porn. For me it has been a big success, something very good and positive.
After it, I entered for some days again into a new time of lusty search and despair, which finally subsided after some other days. That is the way things happen to me.
This last 19 days and subsequent fall have made me think about the following:
We consider ourselves unfailing, but we are not.
19 days with a smile in my lips, yet, for what?
I will explain.
In this 19 days I've been, strangely enough, away from God, away to recognize my deep weakness, away to recognize my deep empowerlessness before lusty situations, puffed with pride about my new good situation..., only for a few days free of lust...WHETHER IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A MILLION DAYS!!!
Always indulging myself wih my recovery.
It shouldn't have been even a single day like that, away from God.
When we go through good times, we tend to please ourselves, to forguet that everyone of us are sinners and that we are nothing in this world without the power and the help of God.
We live so immersed in our self complacency that we forgot to be in touch with God inside us.
That is the reason why I fell again, lacking right direction, and that will be the reason for me to keep watchful from now on, by means of:
1.I am a sinner, that is part of my human condition. I am always weak and helpless.
2.I will always be in God's presence.

Throughout keeping this right approach, I am sure I will be able to cope successfully with my temptations.
Time will tell.
Now, I would like to quote some words by fellow boarder CORDNOY which really impacted me some weeks ago when I was questioned by him, so rightly and so deeply.
""here is what I would ask: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. God, I am an addict and the lust drunk in my head cannot change, but help me learn the tools of recovery that deal with that so I can make the right choices in life, so that the lust will not overcome me. Grant me the courage to change the things I can, for there are plenty of choices that we are empowered with. God, grant my wife and I peace and harmony and that we should always enjoy each other's company...in the kitchen, den and the bedroom"".
Thanks, cordnoy.

pomodoro wrote:

Here I am again fighting for recovery.
So far everything is going ok. I am keeping strictly to the formula:

1- I am a sinner. As humble as it sounds.
2- I must always keep attached to God. Without him, I am powerless.

Now, I want to add another thing that is important to me, important for my recovery:
I MUST NEVER LOOSE MY GRIP WITH MYSELF.
By being aware of my own wrongdoings in many other parts of my behavior, I can begin to change them for good, and so I begin to change my lust procedures as well.
As an example of this, I would tell that sometimes I've come to realize, by being aware of my own behavior, that anger and bad reactions have arisen quickly to my mouth when some member of my family (spouse, kids..) defies me in some aspects.
Through practice and determination I've tried every time that this happens to calm myself, relax, think twice and answer them in the loving and peaceful way they deserve.
And IT WORKS!!!
Rage and anger disappear and it is transformed into a well-being by the reason of having done things properly.
But all this happens by always being aware of ourselves, of our own reactions and thoughts before many situations and conditions.
And one of these conditions is LUST.
In the same way we can overcome anger, rage, lazyness, selfishness, greed, and on, and on, and on, we can overcome LEWDNESS, LUST AND PERVERSE THOUGHTS. Because they are also flaws of our personality, as it is also lust.
If we are able to work on ourselves for the better in so many aspects of our personality, we can for sure work on lust and lust behavior. They are merely any other wickedness that distubs us.
I am sure of the following:
We have come to our current state of lewdness, because we have neglected so many other aspects of our behavior with ourselves, with God and with our fellow men.
Remember, it is not only LUST, so many other things deserve our attention too.
Only in this way, we will be able to overcome lust, overcome ourselves and become happy people.
If you are thinking how hard it is to accomplish it, I would say that EVERY LITTLE STEP COUNTS.
That has worked for me. I can tell it through my own experience.
POMODORO

I sometimes ask myself:
"Is temptation a sin?"

Incredible posts!!! KOP!!! I'd say that it's only a sin if you put yourself into a scenario where you'll encounter temptation. Otherwise, why should you be blamed for seeing something (unless you go ahead and take that second look)?

Thanks shomer bro for your appreciation.
If you allow me, I would rather tell you that "YES", temptation is a sin.
Remember as recorded in the Book of Job: "Temptation is the life of man upon Earth".
Temptation is the beginning of our lustful procedures.
Because firstly you get your simple thought, after it your enjoyment, after it your imagination, and after it your flawed consent.
Nothing begins for nothing.
Not giving "second thoughts", or "second looks" is only part of the solution, because your main evil is already inside you.
The basis for all temptation is weakness of heart (every one of us -mankind- has inherited it because of the sin of Adan and Eve, be serene about that, though), and withdrawing from our main action in life: GIVING RATHER THAN RECEIVEING (in everything, to everyone).
Only by being aware of it and act accordingly, we will gain the serenity of heart that will allow us to win the battle against our evil vicious inclinations.
Our fight against it is fierce, brutal, merciless, terrible.
We must't leave the minimum room for misleading, tricky thinking.
If we deceive ourselves by giving space to temptation, as if it were other thing apart from our lustful problem, will we finally succeed in the battle against the unhappiness and misery that plunges us so deeply?

So temptation is a sin because it starts with twisted thinking?

Then by temptation you don't mean the natural sexual urge, rather the unnatural urge toward lust caused by our actions.

Did I understand correctly?

(sorry for nitpicking, but this is a topic can be influenced by christian values, just making sure we're on the same page)

Thanks inastruggle
for your answer.
Yes, I consider temptation as a sin, because it starts with twisted thinking.
Our battle against lustful behavior includes EVERYTHING.
If we act with laxity when temptation arises, our battle is lost from the outset.
If we allow temptation to move forward, then we will allow us to think in a lustful way.
We will allow us to give "second looks". We will allow us to pay attention to our sex urges. We will allow us to remember images, situations, magazines, internet pornography, people. We will allow us to surrender to masturbation. We will allow us to be fooled by "it doesn't matter", and so on and on and on.
All of those are bad and we know that. Everything of it is insane for us. Let's act accordingly.
The natural sexual urge is not now part of our lifes. At least for these times. Let's act in accordance.
As for your second remark, inastruggle, I would say that The Torah and Jewish Tradition offers so wide range of teachings that we needn't resort to any other source of knowledge other than Its.
Even so, my writtings posted in this forum obey to my own interpretation of lustful procedures, as understood by my own experience and that of others that have shared in this struggle.
I keep posting in the hope they can be inspiring and helpful to make everyone his own recovery work.
By sharing my knowledge, by GIVING I am sure we (and I) can make our love be awaken and be broken free from the chains that lust oppress upon it, keeping it captive.
Only by the liberation from lust, love is liberated.
After that, only leave love to act.
We ourselves are love, not lust.
Pomodoro

Thanks everyone again for your kindly support in my struggle.
These days, I am going through for a new period of bad-sex fast again.
Some successful days have elapsed in my struggle so far. I hope this "hope" will continue in time.
Today, I would like to tell what was in the past a turning point in my struggle.
It was the day when I named my problems. I will explain.
When I found myself into lastful behaviour, it was not only pornography and masturbation at stake.
Deep down I felt idealization of women, exaltation of images, fascination for nudity, fixation for women body parts, hallucination for what I was doing, morbid interest for squeezing my internet browsing, hypnotization for the whole lustful behaviour.
If I am able to put a name to every state of pornography or masturbation that I am doing at that moment, if I am able to name that state or action, I will be able to discard more easily that "performance" and act accordingly to what is really from this world.
Because, remember, pornography and lustful settings are not from this world. This is something unanswerable for us.
We ,by no means, want to be that kind of people that after their last orgasm are searching anxiously for the next one. People always excited and always in search for excitation. People with one hand in the mouse and the other hand in .....
Definitely not. By no means.
We know that everything from that sort is radically unreal and "out from this word".
This world is GOODNESS, in every action, thought or behaviour.
Be radical in this, either you take it or leave it. ALWAYS.
Our mind can be weak, but our path is ALWAYS SURE.
NOW AND FOREVER.

Hmm...interesting.... but it seems from my experience that a good laugh (or two) will help free us from our lust struggles a lot more than all this serious and deep, dramatic stuff.

Don't you agree, chaver?

Definitely YES, Dov.
The thing is that so long time acting out plunged into porn has made me so dramatic and hot-tempered.
So sorry for that.

Eezzz OK....just tickle the orange tabby.