I am ashamed to admit but my wife was away from home for a few days - I could not control myself I stuffed a robe of hers full of pillows and blankets. lay in on our bed and spent the next 30 minutes have relations with it. I repeated the act 2 days later.

1. my wife missed her flight back and it cost me about 500 dollars
2. the act felt almost the same as if she were really there. it shocked me just how I had been totally disconnected from her on a siritually/emotional level that a dummy could take her place!!

Is this the act that informs you that your life indeed is presently unmanageable?

I had two such acts in my life!

Details are on my thread.

That's what got me to say: AD KAN!!!!

b'hatzlachah

When I use my wife as an alternative to my hand it makes me feel the same as when I use my hand. Being with my wife lustfully is not a 'muttar outlet' but just another form of acting out. Actual sex with my wife is an entirely different experience physically, mentally and spiritually.

It's not always easy. Prayer makes it easier though.

charlie wrote:


This is a very important "enlightening" which you came to, but I think that as far as your lust issue is concerned the focus should not so much on the relationship itself, but more on how much your lust (and it's addiction - if is is an addiction) has CAUSED you to be "disconnected from your wife on a spiritually/emotional level that a dummy could take her place!!"
the difference is, that if you focus on the bad quality of your relationship, then your actions will be geared toward improving your relationship and bringing it up to a more "spiritual and emotional level", but if you focus on the catastrophic destruction which your lusting has caused in your relationship, then you will focus your goals on dealing with the lust.

Dont feel too down on yourself...