Today I reached the halfway mark -45 days!

Although I keep telling myself that the whole 90 days idea is just a "helper" and not a real mode of action per-se, and that there's no real difference between day 89, day 90, or Day 91 and on, but I'm still very anxious about passing the 90 day mark, because I won't have the push of the 90 day goal to keep me going.

Although I know I can make my own goals afterward too, I'm afraid that I will feel that since they are not part of the "program",I wont feel as compelled to keep those goals.

I know that no one can really help me if I don't do my best to help myself, I am wondering if anyone has or had the same or similar feeling toward the ending of the first 90 days, and how this issue was dealt with.

I realize that there is a certain amount of "immaturity and lack of self-discipline in this attitude but, as the saying goes "In our addiction we are like little kids!". The difficulty here is in dealing in a mature way with an addiction which expresses iteslf in being as powerless as a little kid.

I will say this. I can't exactly relate, because the whole time I did my first 90 days, I never thought that I would actually complete 90 days. So there was no thought of after, since I knew I would never actually get there.

What I think is important to view the 90 as simply another tool. For me it served as proof that I am not completely beyond all hope of changing my ways. It was also a great impetus to keep me clean to break some of the habit aspects my lusting, and to serve as a time to learn methods of dealing with lust when they came up or avoiding it altogether.

In truth like you said 90 is just a number. We humans seem to like numbers that end in 0, if it was the 89 day chart or the 91 day chart, it would have the same effect, just not as neat. (Though I am also partial to numbers that end in 5's, so maybe the 95 day chart would have seemed nice too.) So viewing 90 days as a goal is ultimately a mistake since your only goal should be to remain sober for today. Maybe it would be good for you to not update your chart so frequently, so you are not so focused on what day you are up to. Instead focus on the beauty of each day spent sober.

That I found is the best reason to stay sober. Any reason that keeps you sober is a good reason. But for me the best one, is that living life sober is so much better than living it drunk on lust, completely out of control, a slave to my hangups and emotions.

MBJ wrote:


It's like ahavah taluya bedavar acheir. When that other things isn't applicable any more then the ahavah isn't here either.

I find the same with being clean. If there is any reason that I am clean other than the fact that I want to be clean just be clean, whether it's for my relationships with others, or in order to get to a certain number of clean days, or whatever it may be. The second that I think that my relationship won't be affected, or that I've already got a nice amount of days under my belt that I'm happy with, then I will end up falling.

Whereas if the reason I'm staying clean is because when I am not clean I am dead (figuratively for me, literally for some), then as long as I am alive I will want to be clean!!

Very well put, Pidaini.
Thank you.

Shivisi said (in original post)
" there's no real difference between day 89, day 90, or Day 91 and on"

MBJ RESPONDED:
In truth like you said 90 is just a number. We humans seem to like numbers that end in 0, if it was the 89 day chart or the 91 day chart, it would have the same effect, just not as neat. (Though I am also partial to numbers that end in 5's, so maybe the 95 day chart would have seemed nice too.) [/quote]

Shivisi Responds:

Thank you, MBJ, for the encouragement and the good points you made.
concerning the quote from your response to me, You seemed not to understand what I meant when I said "there's no real difference between day 89, day 90, or Day 91 and on", what I meant was not whether the chart was made up of 89 days or 90 days or 91 days, rather that even on a 90 day chart, there is no real difference between the 89th day and the 90th day and the 91st day, after you "reach the goal".

Hello Shvisi

You always seem to be worried about all sorts of things - whether GYE is triggering, whether you are spending too much time on the Forum, and now the 90 days!

Don't worry!! You are on the right path! One day at a time! Everyday is more goodness and normality!

In my experience, the 90 day chart is a good tool for continuing and not "throwing everything away" (Although in reality, this is only a ploy to fool the Yetzer).

Just don't let yourself be put off by "side" problems

Thinking of you