Ok what does that mean "ur only as sick as ur secrets"? I have heard that quote from rabbi twerski numerous times

As addicts, we tend to feel that if anyone knew about our issues, there's no way they'd accept us. How can anyone possibly be ok with someone who does such lowly things?

And so, we hide. And hiding takes up a lot of time, energy and worry.
As we hide, we're shutting out the possibility of getting help, and the problem grows.

The thing is, nobody is perfect and every person has challenges in some area or another.
So in reality, when we share our secrets with others, their natural reaction isn't usually one of rejection - they are able to accept our shortcomings, because they recognize that they also have shortcomings.

You see, as self-absorbed people, what is at the forefront of our minds is our shortcomings. Yet, our self-perception is not usually the way others see us. While we see our issues as a huge ugly scar, others see the good in us and realize we're human just like them.

As the secret grows, they tend to come out eventually - especially to those closest to us. Coming right out and sharing with them usually meets with much more understanding than otherwise. Spouses are usually more angry about the feeling of betrayal than they are about the actual activity.

Sharing the secret means gaining help. Keeping it secret makes it grow.

Great thought.

But I think we need to be very careful with whom we are sharing our secrets with. In our judgemental community, especially when shidduchim are involved, these issues can cause much grief in the hands of the wrong person.

Once we have children, it is no longer only about us. we must be very careful not to do anything that could possibly harm our family. Of course, this addiction and falling is much more dangerous than sharing the secret, but we still must be careful.

Nobody is suggesting that we break out a publicity campaign with megaphones from the rooftops, billboards, bumper stickers, etc.

We of course need to be very selective when we choose to share with others, and not tell just any random person. There needs to be a feeling of safety and trust.

Regarding hiding things (physical/mental illness, divorce, past experiences, etc.) in the family for the sake of shidduchim - I believe that Hashem is in charge. It is He who makes shidduchim and nothing can stand in His way if He wants two people together. I know of many people with "stigmas," who despite having been warned by others that they were doomed, still found their proper shidduchim. Hashem plants the right thoughts/perceptions in people's minds, whether they be positive or negative, to get people together or keep them apart.

And if you are the one in shidduchim and you have secrets that you want to keep from your prospective kallah- Just know that secrets tend to become revealed at some point or another, intentionally or unintentionally. Do you want her to find out in a way that she can feel she can trust you, because you were upfront with her, or in a way where she feels she can't trust you, because if you hid something like this, what else are you hiding?

We need to do what we feel is right, regardless of what others think, and Hashem will do His part.

That is true for your own shidduchim, but for your children, imagine the pain and embarrassment they would have as well as the stigma if word got out about their parents. Besides the impact or perceived impact on shidduchim, it will create resentment from the children who feel they are suffering and being embarrassed by their father's deeds.

We tend to think that we can control everything in our lives, and protect those close to us from everything in this world.
But sometimes things happen that are beyond our control.

We need to do the best according to our judgement. When we confide in people, we need to make sure, to the best of our ability, that they are the right people to confide in.

After that, what is meant to happen will happen. If it comes out, that is what's meant to be, everything is hashgacha protis. We'd just have to deal with it if/when it happens, and it really wouldn't be the end of the world.

I'd like to point out that the above is not advice to tell a spouse.

Once ware doing according "to our best judgment," why wouldn't it include a spouse?
Our best judgment takes all that in.

if that is what the best of our judgement tells us then we probably need help judging better. maybe sometimes it is possible to share with them the basic story, but they are not the one to share with and confide in with our day to day struggles with all of their details.