Update: So based on my reading of the white book and recovery continues, I've been trying to identify when I'm falling into the addictive process of thinking (SA pg 48) and then analyzing my attitudes until I discover my deep underlying resentment and surrendering it to G-d. (Recovery continues stories on pg 11 & 69)

Here's an example: I had some breakfast one day and a large cup of coffee and went to work early. Later, i arrived in time for Shacharit but by then the coffee had worked it's way thru me and i ended up running to the bathroom. By the time i got out 10 min later, i barely rushed and got my talis and tefillin on to make kriat shema with them. All of a sudden, my thoughts are flying: "what's the point of them davening so fast? I'm such a better Jew because i like to daven with more kavana. Listen to the rabbi praying random psukim out loud, what a faker, he flies thru it all anyway." All of a sudden, i stop and realize, I'm scorning all of them. I resent them for davening so fast.
Why? What's really going on? I tried to surrender the scornfulness and resentment but it wouldn't go away. So i asked myself, what am i really upset about? And Hashem put the answer in my head.

I did the wrong. I ate breakfast before davening. And i knew I'm not supposed to according to Halacha. And i resented halacha and Hashem for those rules. I wanted to do it MY way. Eat breakfast, then daven. So when MY way didn't work out, I created a resentment against the minyan. And scorned them. This kind of thinking is what usually angers me and stops my talking to Hashem. Next thing, i know, I'll be fighting with clients and lusting after women walking by in the streets.

But BH, not this time. I had to surrender my will to Hashem's will. As soon as I apologized to Him and surrendered my will to do things my way and to do them His way, all my negative thoughts to the minyan and anger i was feeling disappeared!

This strategy has been working more and more, recognizing negative attitudes like resentment and anger, following them back to their true source of my rebellion and surrendering that to G-d's will.

And BH the weeks have definitely been smoother and sweeter.

There once was a fellow named Me Talkin'
Who on the forums would be stalkin'
Who can he inspire?
Perhaps strive higher....
Ultimately, God's in control is his slin'

cordnoy wrote:


Why are you putting a limerick for Me Talkin' on Metal King's thread?

I'm so confused...

There also was a guy named Metal King
Whose parable he'd always bring
A tricycle to steer
But God's always near
Preventin' the addict from sting