I'm leaving the forums. Good luck everyone.

What happened?

NO!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't leave!!!!! I am also a BT and yes some words i don't understand too. It is frustrating sometimes.But that gives an opportunity to shteig (grow) in our Yiddush!!!

Please stay!!! If not for your benefit, for ours!!!! We got so much chizzuk from you!

What's the point in learning Yiddish! That's so ridiculous. If I was in a X-tian forum, they wouldn't be speaking Latin! So why are the posts peppered with Hebrew and Yiddish. You don't see Sephardim speaking Spanish or some Arab language, but in here Yiddish and Hebrew. That just creates a barrier. Why do you think so few non-religious Jews are attracted to Judaism? Thank G-d, I found outreach organizations that understood that and I became observant. If I had walked into my current shul before I was observant, I would have run screaming and never come back. And the same thing goes for almost every "Orthodox" shul outside of Chabad and Aish Hatorah and other outreach type organizations. From the outside looking in, it's not a pretty picture.

Anyway, what's the point of being married if not for a satisfying sexual relationship? I was much happier single. I ate better food, had a cleaner and neater house, had more friends, had more family. My life was so much better before I got married. Marriage stinks. So now I "work" on my marriage relationship and I have a peaceful home. If I lived alone and had a cat, I would have a peaceful home and a companion to come home to. I'm just not seeing what's so good about marriage.

Climbing Mount Everest is foolish and you don't just put one foot in front of the other. You need a lot of special equipment and special skills. In fact if you told me you're going to climb it, I would try to convince you not to. A lot of people have died climbing that mountain.

¿Qué significa "chizzuk" y por qué estás perdiendo el tiempo al obligarme a pedir lo que significa?

That's what you're doing - you're WASTING MY TIME! So if you don't know Spanish, I'm trying to waste your time by posting en espanol. It's my revenge.

Startrekuser,

I really don't know much Yiddush either, but I get by. Chizzuk, just means to strengthen or support. Though really, that is just a smaller part of the issue. The issue is much larger.

If you find being sober or clean pointless, then it is. If you see no benefit to marriage, then there is none. If you enjoy masturbating and watching porn and see no down side, then there is none.

You can't fix what isn't broken, and you can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed.

You came to this site for a reason. Something was bothering you about the way you lived your life and so you came here to find a way out. If you came here by accident you, of course, are free to leave at anytime, no one is holding you here. If you do in fact have something that is bothering you, that you want to work on here, don't let silly excuses like I don't know the 10 words in Yiddish that people throw around here be the reason to leave. I may not speak Spanish, but I do know 10 words in the language.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.

Good luck
Eli

Hi Startrekuser!

You make some points that resonate with me. So, in a mars-like way, I'd like to suggest a few tools:

First of all, how about asking when you do not understand a phrase used here? No shame - just ask for a translation. It's OK!

We all know it is not easy to ask questions...but I hope u understand that this website is not catering to anyone in particular, and generally, guys are not posting to try to help others - they are usually posting to express themselves honestly. I was at an SA meeting in Jerusalem about 10 years ago, and it was a Hebrew-speaking meeting. When I introduced myself I said that I could not share in Hebrew - even though I could speak the language - because it was simply impossible for me to share my guts in a foreign language. And that is mostly what sharing in meetings is about (even more than GYE posting is). The group heard that, and took a vote then and there (for we have no leaders in 12 step groups) on whether to allow English shares at the meeting that night. The vote was passed by a majority voted to allow me to share in English...and then every guy there shared in (usually) broken English just so I would be at home!!

So that is not happening here. But why complain? GYE is just too big, and the people here are just to varied and free, to cater to you or anyone.

So when you are on GYE and want to know - just ask what something means. Take your time. No shame.

Second, get help re your marriage - and on the way your happiness will increase when you get help to really want marriage for more reasons than just sex. You are a sensitive and caring person. But some things are hurting you a lot, and you are not opening up clearly about them yet. I hope you find some one whether here on GYE or elsewhere, to do that with. I think you are safe here, and can share all this here with real people if you wish, not just the goofy virtual thing. Start using your real name, call and talk with safe people, get real help.

I sincerely think you have a point - but in the big picture, the Hebrew and Yiddish complaint thing is all a big boondoggle, nothing more.

Can you make it past any of that?

Now that I've spoken my mind honestly about the Yiddish and Hebrew and got my revenge, I feel better about it. For now on, I won't complain.

As for my marriage, it stinks, it's always stunk and everyday I have to explain to my wife something highly insensitive that she did to me that was very hurtful. Some things I let go. So, it's improving b/c at least I'm not acting like a martyr anymore. Maybe she'll change and become sensitive to my feelings some day, but only Hashem knows. Therapy is out of the question and I don't feel like explaining why right now.

Sorry to hear about all the stuff goin' on.
It is not my habit to disagree with Dov, but one point I would like to make.
While it is true that people post to get things off their chest, I think that a majority of the posts, and certainly a strong minority of them, are there to help others.
My marriage has been up n down.
Read the Mikvah thread.
Lately...much better (we both have experienced therapy).
Today, I needed (al least I thought so) to raise my voice.
I soon afterwards apologized.
I still got reprimanded.
I said what needed to be said to get the marriage back on track.
Oh, I'd love to be alone!
Oh, I'd hate to be alone.

b'hatzlachah (with tremendous success).

Startekuser wrote in part:

"Over the last 15-20 years or so, society has changed and women dress a LOT more provocatively in public than they did in the 80s and early 90s. It's a minefield of addiction out there for men and we have to be prepared and proactive"

This is especially true as the seasons change from a long cold winter suddenly to a long hot summer.

Don't leave-this is the only place on the web where you can discuss your issues and how to deal with them constructively. I don't know where you live, but as a BT of long standing, I always have been of the view that BTs should seek to live in communities where they will be accepted for who they are and the choices they have made in their lives.

startrekuser wrote:

keep complaining if you feel the urge, being honest is good and also then maybe you will come to hear the other side's 'justifications', also I think we can manage the anger and revenge esp. since you can't actually yell at us or punch us (one advantage of being anonymous), so better to let it out on us than on your poor wife.

I'm not leaving, but I'm extremely busy until the end of April. I have a lot of issues related to my marriage that I need to discuss, but I just don't have the time nor the energy to spare right now. Bringing up these issues will be like opening up old wounds and will be very upsetting to me and I can't do it now. Can I speak about marriage issues here?