Still not really struggling with filth. I have thoughts about it, but i know that acting out will just magnify my current pain. As odd as it may sound, I feel both very positive and optimistic as well as sad, anxious and heartbroken.

I am doubting whether this website is really for me. I appreciate reading the stories, I value the philosophy of it all, but I feel that by checking the website often, I grant filth a bigger role in my life than it has already played. I feel that it might turn "guarding one's eyes" into another obsession.
I obviously respect that other people on here think that the website is very useful, and I have no doubt that for many people it is very helpful in their struggles. For the moment, I just feel it's easier to go without the website. May be it's arrogance/yetzer hara and may be I will backtrack on what I am saying here in the future. Do other people feel the same?

That said, I feel not well, at the moment, but I blame primarily on losing a woman whom I love very much and had hoped to marry. I feel incredibly lonely, despite being surrounded by friends and family.
I am reading books to keep me positive (Garden of Emuna) and I go for walks, but it's not much of a use.

Have you reached out for people to talk to here? If you are saying posting on the forum isnt much of help for you, I agree. I don't think posting on the forum will cure our addiction. But have you chated with other Gyers. It has helped me immensely in getting out of loneliness. I have made many friends. But it also helps me internalize principles and its great suppport/chizzuk for me.

Try opening the chat bar and see who's online!

Dear Improve,
I really feel for you, I can feel your pain, I also pick up on a sense of loneliness. I strongly suggest, like others, to see a professional you seem to have gone through a lot. I myself am in therapy, and I am proud of it, if you find the right therapist, they can really help.
I wish you lots of Hatslachah and keep strong and keep posting

Thank you for your messages.