Joenoahide wrote:


You get all the schar, health and closeness with Hashem while every other boy is a failure at being with Hashem ..

Joenoahide


Ah but this same boy, knows that in a couple of years he will have a beautiful relationship with his wife that will last for years while all the other boys are stuck in misery after countless failed relationships

Not looking at girls does not equal not being successful with girls. These are two different issues. "Checking girls out" doesn't make you successful with them, only frustrated.

But really, you need to define what is "success" for you. If you want to be part of the secular mainstream competition among men to see how many girls you can sleep with that's one thing. If you want to find the right woman and build a family that's another.

I think society has mislead us--us being those who have been part of the secular culture--into thinking you have to gain all kinds of experience points before getting married. I can tell you from experience dating around doesn't make you happier, especially if you've got issues around sexual compulsion. I see my frum friends and family who skipped all the shopping and comparison I did for three decades and they seem pretty happy in their marriages and family life. By the time I settled down it was almost too late for children--and being a father has brought my more joy than any thing else in life.

I was very concerned in college about not being successful with women. I wish I had been able to focus on improving myself and finding the right woman instead of trying to cure my feelings of inadequacy with fantasies about having lots of women.