I do have a porn addiction/compulsion, but, in a way, it is far less strong than my compulsion to oggle women. I work in an environment and a location where I am basically surrounded by young, frequently provocatively dressed, young women. I find it very difficult not to look and obsess at work but also on the street, in shops, anywhere women are to be found.
Of course, I can just look away, but I find it hard to do because part of me is telling myself how much I am missing by not looking. . . .

Main part is to ask hashem to help us
העבר עיני מראות שוא
this is from a sheeur from Rabbi Eliezer Brody link below
almost end of sheeur (about by minute 30)

Effort and Emuna
shar.es/FC70L

Reflections of faith with author, composer and spiritual guide Rabbi Lazer Brody

I believe you how hard it's not to look on them at work, as our eyes just want to see women. we dont get tired of it!
I heard from a Tzadik that when a person sees something not pure, and looks to the other side, it's a time that he can Daven for a Yishua he needs,
I feel it helping for me.
you can try it and believe in it
Hatzluche, you can make a huge Kidush Hashem in your workplace

Very hard, big time.
so the Yeshua can be bigger
please daaven then for us with should have a רפואה שלימה

Great Question. I suffer from the exact something. Fantasying about women is more of a problem than lust for me as well.

I have to give credit for what i am about to say to Skeptical. He taught me what i know about this:

We have to realize that woman are people too. it sounds silly but its true. We have objectified them soo much. We have to respect them as people just like we are people. Just as we would want respect from people so do they. Look at it like this: if the girl your staring at would know the intensity that you are staring at her, would she feel respected? NO! Absolutely not. She would feel ashamed, angry, and completely demoralized.

This is what I think of: She is a person just like me and deserves the proper respect and if she would know that i am looking at her like this what would be her reaction? (it wouldn't be good)

Of course, I agree, in principle with what you're saying, but when I see these women I feel justified in looking because of the way they dress. I feel like they are deliberately provoking me. And I even think I am trying to get back at them by looking and fantasizing. I'm not saying this is healthy or right, only how I feel in the moment. It's hard for me to empathize, to see things from a woman's perspective in these cases.

Great question again. I learned (from skeptical) that they aren't dressing this way for you! Again if they knew you were looking at them they would feel really creeped out. Perhaps they are dressing this way because it makes them feel good but just cause they dress like this does not give you a right to go nuts and treat them like eye candy. They are still people.

dms 1234 wrote
We have to realize that woman are people too. it sounds silly but its true. We have objectified them soo much. We have to respect them as people just like we are people. Just as we would want respect from people so do they. Look at it like this: if the girl your staring at would know the intensity that you are staring at her, would she feel respected? NO! Absolutely not. She would feel ashamed, angry, and completely demoralized.


I think that what you say is the point why some Frum porn addicts won’t look on Frum women, because if she will feel it, he will be even more ashamed cause he is Frum.
I once heard from a not religious jew at the time we worked together, that for him, looking on Frum girls makes him Fantasies. He wanted to know what’s under all these layers of clotheings, but when he sees a women that is already half naked, he tells me, I saw everything already, and there is nothing to see, “so we just want to see her, till we saw her”
So maybe that’s why we went on line (in the past) cause all the women there were waiting for us Just to loooooooook and we felt so comfortable. (OR ADDICTED)
But when you STOP with porn, you can understand that she is a women and not your………….
And you become a Mench that can think, and take decisions.
Hatzluche

Yes, I have had similar problems at work ( in fact I have even tried to change my workplace as a result).

One thing that works for me is that if I can delay looking for a few minutes, then even if I end up looking, she is not nearly as attractive as I thought she was. Knowing this, and internalising this, helps for the future as well. Why look, if this is not a real pleasure at all? With the right eyes, we would realise the truth - that this is really filth.

I am still struggling at work, and in the street, but the further I progress, the less attractive and the more revolting these sights seem to me.

Another thing, is there anything that you can easily do to avoid being in a bad environment? Changing the position of your desk, the time you arrive, your route to work? Any steps that you can take which are not directly confronting the actual temptation, are a great fence against the Yetzer Horo. These are things that are with you constantly, and the very steps that you are taking proves your sincerity ( which is your other post!)

Hatzlocho!!!

doingtshuva

I am not entirely sure how you are interpreting what i said and also what exactly you are saying but i do think we have to aim to look at all all women with respect, even the ones scantly dressed. But so you know, i find Frum girls more attractive than secular and I even like looking and fantasying about them more.

Imperfection

Absolutely, me too. I also find that the girl in my mind is way more attractive than in real life. But as you said, what pleasure do i really gain??? In fact it really is a fake pleasure. its all just trickery to make me think i am getting pleasure.

Hi Oslost and all our great freinds
How is it going in the workplace?
Any new ways tricks to overcome our old habits ? ?

I think that this post is very appropriate for this thread too.

guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/228477-Bouncing-and-Starving-Your-Eyes

It continues to be a struggle for me at work, but I am trying to bounce my eyes as I described in the other thread. Basically, I work with a lot of young women and there's absolutely no way to avoid passing them and many of them dress very provocatively. I am particularly distracted by this fashion of women's tights, and if I even allow myself a glimpse, the image can stick with me for days. But I've been maintaining my sobriety in part by checking in here at least once a day.

Its tough i know, i am on a college campus. But we just gotta life our lives and try to not think about it. Perhaps try davening for them: "Hashem, please bless her with whatever she is doing with her life, make her do her job well" (something like that) this will help you realize there is more to her.

I'm in college, how can you not look at pretty girls? everyone else is doing it. I don't think its healthy for guys to always walk around feelings like every other boy gets all the girls while he is a failure at being with girls ..