#1- I don't think anything I am suggesting here is 'psychology', I think it's just obvious.

#2- Maybe the reason psychologists couldn't help you is because you don't really believe what they tell you.

#3- All the Effexor in the world will not make you a drop more beloved by Hashem than you already are right now...or for that matter, any more than you ever were loved by Him. And you should not love and respect yourself any less than He does - even in your lowest state.

Dov wrote:


Thank G-d! Medicine may help me or anyone commit less sins against G-d.

R76 wrote:


What does that even mean?

Do you understand my point at all? You keep beating yourself as a sinner and talk of sins, sinning, and not sinning...what's with the sinning against G-d business? Did getting more religious make G-d into the Great Cosmic Scorekeeper? That is not in the Torah, not Judaism, and not even sensible.

Stop using religion to beat yourself and stop pretending G-d is grading you. He has a mission for you in life, and that mission is obviously not 'just not sinning'. You are missing the forest for the trees, sir.

Thank you very much. As I learn more Torah, perhaps I will understand your position.

That was a very tolerant, patient, and humble response. Thank you, chaver. And may the Torah I learn also enlighten (emphasis on the word light, as in 'not heavy and serious') me and us all.

One difference between me and many other addicts is that I do not have an overwhelming drive. My sin is that until October 1, I did not even want to expand minimal effort in abstaining from m.

Do you do anything else than see yourself in terms of sin?

I do not know -- perhaps I do not understand Jewish ethics. Even though I have read many texts from Bible and Talmud since '89, I may still be ignorant of Jewish norms.

I suggest getting an education in current Jewish writings, then, rather than reading the classics alone. Jewish philosophy has certainly not changed with respect to the basics of belief since whenever...but especially if your sources are the mussar and chassidus classics that were written in the 16 or 1700's - they can be very misleading if you are studying them by yourself. For they were written in a very different time, for very different people. Why, in those days, the average illiterate gentile peasant had far more deep faith in the existence of a G-d, than most of us orthodox Jews probably do today (and I speak for myself, as well). Times were different, so the issues and the ways to approach them were different. If those rabbis would be here now, they would surely write in a different style and emphasize different things.

Thank you very much. I read also many Jewish websites and listen to very many lectures.

For some time I took college courses related to criminal justice system. Most criminals like to commit crimes but are afraid of punishment.

Likewise many semi-observant Jews and Noachites(gentiles) enjoy transgression but are afraid of punishment.

I am now "clean" since October 1, but I am not sure how much longer can I keep up. I suffer severe withdrawal symptoms. I still watch regular TV, and sometimes see inappropriate advertisement -- like on CNN News today.

How can I keep myself from falling back to old patterns of sin?

I could never stay clean if I were watching TV on a regular basis...maybe on any basis. The entire thing of watching stuff that I know will stimulate my lust would be a direct contradiction to putting recovery first in my life. And no matter how moral and good I may be, I would end up needing to act out. Period.

So instead of trying to be righteous, stop watching TV, period. That's how.

Maybe that would help, but my life is very boring -- I have much depression, PTSD, hopelessness, and many issues.

Indeed, the main problem with recovery is that I am not sure how much effort I can put into it. Because I have many other problems and issues. Giving up TV -- including news, History Channel, Discovery Channel seems to be a big sacrifice.

Being almost isolated, giving up TV is very difficult.

For all you know, it could be that the reason you have such a hard time and are 'locked' into so many issues is precisely because you sit at home alone watching TV all day instead of patiently learning how to embrace real life....but maybe not.

Have you ever brought up that possibility with your therapist?

I know so little about you, really. So I do not assume I know the truth about you. All I can do is muse and wonder. If you agree, then maybe it's an eye-opener for you and you can use it to start getting better - if you disagree, then never mind.

Dov wrote:


1) Possibly that is the case. But I am unemployed and have no drivers license. I depend on my parents, and I am under their control. I really have very little access to any community -- especially Orthodox Jewish community. Now I have two telephone classes per week -- 40 min and 20? min.

2) I have not seen my therapist since summer. I do not know when will I see him.

3) Maybe as an expert, you may have some insights which as a longtime patient I do not have.

I am not an expert.

But I suggest you consider opening up to your parents completely about all the issues you bring up here on GYE and your life. If you need therapy then communicate with them. Can they bring you to any therapist? Whatever complaints you have about them and whatever their limitations are (u mentioned some here a few months ago, I think) can't you start with them? Aren't they all you've really got? Use them.