I have read a few Jewish books in my life (I am 37). I had very little contact with Jewish community. Thus I am somewhat ignorant on my heritage.

This seems to be the only site where we discuss sins. To my shame I have committed the sin discussed here. To my shame I still observe only a small part of Halacha.

I don't understand what you mean by confession not being part of Judaism. I say selach lonu ovinu ki chotnou every day, selichos every year and extended confession on Yom kippur. And there's nothing wrong with saying viduy any time of year.

In terms of your 'shame' about halacha this isn't a kiruv forum but there are many many organisations that you can speak to if you want.

www.aish.com/ai/id/na/?tab=y

www.phoneandlearn.org/

It doesn't have to be a source of shame, it depends on how you look at it.

Stay positive.

Thank you.

I am sorry. It is very hard for me to confess my sins. I believe I was treated unfairly by my family and society. It is very easy for me to talk about it on many forums.

But it is hard for me to talk about the fact that I have sinned against G-d. Acknowledging the wrongs I did does not come easy to me.

I don't know about talking about my "sins". But, I do know that opening up and talking to safe people about my flaws and the true facts of my addiction helps me to accept myself more and be freer of my addiction.

I posted a dov quote just the other day about it. You might want to check it out.

I have many problems. I suffer severe depression, and autism.

But I must recognize that I have sinned against G-d. I still do not keep most commandments. But I am trying to avoid the worst sins like m. I have been sober for 68 days. I hope I do not fall.

Vidui or confession can be added to any Shemoneh Esreh, is an extremely important part of the entire high Holiday period and is an essential element of the awesome and special day called Yom Kippur

I usually only add a prayer for the healing of my grandmother.

To my shame I usually read Amida once a day.

I keep (almost) kosher since '97. In 1989 there was a time when I did eat a lot of pork -- it was tasty but not as addictive as that sin. Fortunately I eat only kosher meat since '03. I ate mostly kosher meat since '97.

R76 - If you are trying your best to improve yourself, then please don't feel shame. Everyone makes mistakes... but the most important thing, as far as I know, is to make your best effort... and if, for whatever reason, your improvement happens slowly, then so be it. It's hard sometimes, but try to remember that while you can give effort, all results come from Hashem. If you wind up doing something you know is wrong, it's ok to feel bad about the action... however, I can tell you from my own experience, that getting down on yourself is counterproductive. If you fall, then just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and learn from whatever happened... so that you can do things a little differently next time, even if it's in a very small way.

May Hashem bless you with much success in this area.

Tosfos wrote:


Given that I am not from Orthodox background, the main problem is no low self esteem, but a high self esteem. The main reason we (Conservative + Reform) commit sin is that we do not see it as a sin. I am trying to be at least Conservadox.

A Reform rabbi who is proudly homosexual sins not because he has an irresistible urge but because he does not see sin a big problem.

R76 wrote:
Apologies - regardless of religious standing, it is possible (and common) for someone with this challenge to feel badly about himself for having it. And I got the impression that this is what you were feeling.

However, I stand corrected.

R76, You are a truly good man. And nevertheless you are mean to yourself. Please let me explain what I mean.

I think you are not mean to yourself directly - instead you have found a way to use the Torah to whip yourself with. You invented a Torah that tells you "I must recognize that I have sinned against G-d", as you put it. And you have created a G-d Who expects you to feel deeply ashamed and oh so sad about your multitude of sins and about the poorness of your service to him (you wrote, "to my shame, I pray only one amidah"). Where do you get such an idea from? G-d certainly has no desire or pleasure in your grovelling to Him. He knows you and I are just people. Fallible, weak, and small - like me and like you. G-d certainly knows that - He is not a fool! Yet here you are, chaver - you get religious, and use that religion to enable you to focus whole-hog on what you have done wrong and be ashamed!?

Thus, G-d is really the mean one.

But it is not G-d - for He is NEVER MEAN. He never was and never will be mean or bad to you or to anyone. He cannot be mean or bad any more than He can break a hip, get pneumonia, or drop dead. He wants none of your shame-talk, and no such thing is in His Torah. Rather, it is you and only you who are being mean to yourself. But you do not like to admit it so you create proxies to beat you up for you.

Ultimately, you are the one treating yourself badly.

Stop doing that! I really hope you just stop. It will take time to learn a new way. The Torah is a Torah of Joy and deveikus (relationship with G-d) as much for the one who has sinned as it is for the tzaddik. And in addition, G-d truly and completely forgives! And even before He forgives, he truly and completely loves you no matter how much sperm you have spilled on the floor or why you did it.

So from today, please start learning to live without beating yourself up and without treating yourself like garbage. You are not garbage. You are a precious human being and a sweet Jew. And Hashem's main desire is clearly to help you grow TODAY and do imperfectly best as His sweet, precious child.

This will take a little humility - for contrary to your opinion, you are a truly good man.

Thank you very much, Dov. I have committed many sins and I have been mean to many people -- I have gossiped about many.

I am an average person -- like 90% of American Jews. I am neither a tsaddik nor a rasha. Most Reform and Conservative Jews have the same sins as I have.

I hope I can become at least a Conservadox Jew -- abstaining from the worst sins.

I have studied American Criminal Justice system in detail. One of the first things an offender who is undergoing treatment has to learn is that he really is an evil person.

Anyone would be afraid to break the government law, but most people do not fear breaking G-d's laws.

You are very smart. So I will not respond to you excuse for seeing yourself as evil.

All this smart thinking of yours is just an excuse to hate yourself. You do not believe this, though, and will keep treating yourself like crap.

And I hope you quit this little game of mentally abusing yourself, misusing religion to beat you with it, and of blaming people who mistreated you for self-pity, and instead learn how to start living.

I am sorry. In my opinion psychology is a very inexact science. Psychologists did not help me, even though I have been a patient since '92.

Medicine is very precise science -- Effexor decreases my depression greatly. Licorice plus Valerian greatly decrease my sexual urges, thus it is easier to abstain from m.